The Squid and The Whale

One of the best nature films about marine animals I have ever seen!

Obviously I'm being facetious. This is really producer Noah Baumbach's semi-autobiography about his childhood experiences with his brother dealing with their parents' divorce. It's based upon the difficulties his family suffered through as his mom and dad were getting separated.

Both mom and dad are writers and intellectuals. The story takes place in Brooklyn, New York in 1986. Jeff Daniels plays the father, Bernard Berkman. He plays a has-been writer and college writing professor. Mr. Berkman is an arrogant jerk with an overly inflated ego.

The movie starts off with the family playing a nice game of tennis. Mr. Berkman is really competitive. He tells his 16 year son, Walt, to keep aiming the ball directly at his mother (Laura Linney). The game ends after Mr. Berkman hits Mrs. Berkman with the ball and they get into a fight.

Apparently, Mrs. Berkman was having an affair with another man. Mr. Berkman starts yelling and beating her.

The next day, they have a family meeting to discuss that mom and dad are separating. Dad will get the kids Monday, Wednesday, Saturday, and every other Thursday.

This is a very poignant movie about the hardships families must go through during separation and divorce.

Walt worships his dad and repeats everything his father says. The 12 year old son, Frank, adores his mother.

The kids express their confusion with their parents' separation by acting out in strange ways. Frank starts manifesting his pre-pubescent urges by masturbating a lot. Frank keeps a torn-off picture of a woman's body part and jacks off to it at the school library. It's not even a good picture either. I can't even tell what it is exactly. It looked like the back of a woman. It wasn't even a picture of a woman's genitalia. Frank starts going behind a bookshelf while other kids are studying. He starts rubbing his groin against the bookshelf and meditates on that torn-off picture. He ejaculates and then wipes his cum on several books to mark his territory.

As the story progresses, Frank starts getting more sexually active with himself. He starts drinking beer as if it was soda and starts busting out his parents' whiskey. He looks at himself in the mirror and imagines having sex with himself. "No, Frank, please don't stop!" He puts his mom's panties and bras on her bed and fantasizes some weird stuff. Then, he runs into the bathroom and pukes all over the toilet. He falls on to the bathroom floor. A cashew that he likes to stick up his nose from time to time falls on to the floor beside him.

Another time, he walks around with a handful of his boy juice and spreads it all over a girl's locker. He gets caught and his parents come in to meet with the school administrator. They say that Frank's wad was on the locker and on the library books.

Mr. Berkman: How do you know they were both Frank's?
School Lady: Well, I suppose it's possible other kids are masturbating and spreading their semen around the school as well... It's possible, but, uh, somewhat unlikely.
Mr. Berkman: Oh, it happens, I'm sure, much more than we know.
Mrs. Berkman: Bernard, have you ever done anything like this?
Mr. Berkman: I'm not going to answer that.

Walt inherits his father's jerk-ass personality. Like father, like son. He goes around quoting everything his father says. He doesn't really even know what he's talking about, but insists that he's brilliant.

He plagarizes Pink Floyd's "Hey You" song and passes it off as his own. He wins the school talent contest and wins $100. Later, the school administrators find out and tell him to cough up the $100 back.

He meets a girl named Sophie at school and she becomes his girlfriend. After he rams his tongue down her throat, he says he wishes she didn't have so many freckles. Bastard!

Walt and Sophie are both virgins. One night, Sophie starts stroking Walt's weenie and he becomes a little trigger happy. I think it lasted no more than 5 seconds.

Mr. Berkman gets an old dilapidated house on the other side of town. One of his lusty students, Lili, needs to find a new apartment because she can't pay the rent. In order to save Lili from having to blow her super, he invites her to sleep at his place. Both father and son gaze at her admiringly.

Walt really wants to screw her. He talks about it with his friend and his friend says, "She could probably move her pussy muscles just the right way so you blow your load in like seconds." Undoubtedly true, based upon his past experience from Sophie's hand-job.

One night, Walt goes into Sophie's room and starts staring at her naked legs on the bed. When she catches him, he lifts up his head so fast that he knocks her nose really hard, giving her a bloody nose and ruining his chances to get laid.

Mrs. Berkman starts sleeping with Frank's tennis coach. Mr. Berkman calls him a philistine-someone who's not intellectual and doesn't like interesting books and movies.

The movie is pretty disturbing. The kids talk about mom and dad's affairs nonchalantly. Actually, the kids seem to be wise beyond their years in some respects, aside from their crazy hijinks. It's creepy when the parents talk to their kids about their sexual exploits. When dad starts telling his son to sleep around, it's very inappropriate.

One time, Walt calls his dad to ask him if he can sleep over at his gf's house. His dad says, "Have fun. Come back Tuesday."

Mr. Berkman starts putting his moves on Lili. One time, Walt walks in and see his dad with his hands up Lili's shirt. Walt starts running and jumps into the polluted river.

Frank loves his mom more and hates his dad. While Walt hates his mom and blames her for the marriage falling apart.

One time Frank starts playing table tennis with his dad. His dad is so competitive with him that Frank throws the paddle at him in frustration.

Daddy Berkham: Hey! Watch it!

Frank Berkham: Suck my dick, ass man!


This movie brilliantly shows how the parents' messed up lives can screw up the kids. The whole family is screwed up in this movie. The complex relationships shown between each of the family members and the way their new love interests interact with all the other family members is quite interesting.

Walt tells his story to the school counselor about how one time, when he was very young, he went to the Natural History Museum with his mom. He saw the giant Squid and the Whale fighting and it scared him. Now, he realizes that the fighting within his own family is much more scarier. Perhaps, the Squid and the Whale is an analogy to his mom and dad fighting.

This movie is a good look into one family's messed up life. Every family is screwed up one way or another. Just look at yours.

The Highs: Brilliant acting, story, direction. Insightful look into the chaos divorce causes to children.

The Lows: Awkward to watch some scenes. Disturbing to watch little Frank drink booze and jack off.

The Verdict: Divorce sux.

My rating: B, 88.