The Medallion

Jackie Chan, where have you gone? This is not the real Jackie Chan.

Okay, it's official. Jackie Chan sucks now. He used to be so cool back when he was making Hong Kong movies. Ever since he went Hollywood, his movies have gone downhill. What happened to his great movies like Drunken Master, Operation Condor, and Who Am I? Those were fun to watch. Now, he's over-the-hill and lame. His fighting style and humor have been watered down a lot. Now, with The Medallion and The Tuxedo, he has done the unthinkable. He has given in to the use of CGI and stuntment. The great thing about Jackie Chan was that he did all those incredible stunts all by himself. If he's too old to do them now, then he should just quit churning out these god awful movies.

In the Medallion, Jackie has to save a young buddhist boy from a sinister white guy that goes by the name of Snakehead. Snakey seems to want that boy for some reason. Jackie tries to find out why. He's hoping to god that Snakehead is not a catholic priest who wants to go "Michael Jackson" on that little boy.

Jackie plays a Hong Kong supercop like in Police Story. Along the way he teams up with an Irish Interpol agent named Watson. Watson is the biggest goofy dork since Pee Wee Herman and Mr. Bean. He has big dumbo ears and thinks he's the baddest secret agent since Bond. Watson keeps telling Jackie that he's the leader, but he's nothing but a slapstick sidekick that produces a lot of groans from the audience.

Why does Watson even have to pretend he's a librarian to his family instead of an interpol agent? This movie doesn't make any sense at all. Apparently Jackie gets Jungle Fever once again in this movie as he teams up with actress Claire Forlani, who plays his ex-lover that he reunites with in Ireland. Unbelievably, Watson also has Jungle Fever and has a Chinese Irish wife. Later on, when the attackers invade their home, his wife starts kicking ass and starts kicking the bad guys' faces. Why is a housewife such a good fighter? Is it because she's Asian, and all Asians know Kung Fu?

This movie might be a good flick for kids 12 and under. This movie is a groaner for anyone who's old enough to produce kids.

Jackie and CGI is just not a good combination. Jackie's entire appeal was his unique and highly entertaining fighting style. Jackie had enough energy to produce incredibly choreographed fight scenes with a comedic style. He apparently lost most of this now that he's older. His natural talents really shined in his movies when he was younger. Now his movies suck hard.

There's one chase scene where Jackie chases a black pimp down the streets of downtown Dublin. The black pimp can run and hurdle over tables and fences. Jackie uses CGI to chase after him. He jumps on top of parked bikes as if he's running on top of giant toppling dominoes. Why would bikes make ringing bikebell sounds when he jumps on bike seats? That's so lame! They use cartoony sound effects. And why didn't Jackie have an Interpol agent arrest the pimp and interrogate him instead of simply leaving him in the trash can?

Watson his goofball sidekick with the inferiority/superiority complex keeps bossing Jackie around telling him that he's the head librarian.

Jackie's Irish lover, Claire, also happens to kick butt too. All the women in his movies kick ass when they fight.

Jackie dies when he and the buddhist boy goes inside the shipping container and the container gets knocked into the harbor. What are the chances of them having an inflatable raft and glow sticks inside the container though? Jackie drowns to death, but after the buddhist boy touches corpse Jackie with the Medallion, resurrected Jackie #2 appears naked. Jackie #2 asks Watson "What's wrong?" while Watson is looking at Jackie's dead body at the morgue. Watson freaks out and shows dead Jackie #1 to him. Jackie #2 says that Jackie #1 must be a fake.

Jackie #2 says, "My nose isn't that big."

Then, Jackie #2 looks at his naked exposed dick and says, "That must be me."

Watson responds, "How do you know?"

Jackie #2: "Don't you think I can recognize my own thing?"

Jackie #2 looks at the Medallion, and the snake and fish carvings start moving. Then, dead Jackie #1's dead body turns into dust, blows away, and completely disappears.

Jackie looks at the nurse who is trying to feed the buddhist boy with poisoned pudding.

Resurrected Jackie: That nurse. Her boots.

Watson lustily: "Yeah"
He cups his 2 hands in front of his chest and smiles, thinking Jackie was talking about her luscious boobs.

Jackie shaking his head: No! Her boots! Nurses don't wear boots.

They start chasing after her. The nurse can also kick ass and runs away. During the fight with some other bad guys, Jackie realizes that the Medallion also gave him super powers. The buddhist boy is the chosen one. Buddhist boy has resurrected Jackie with the Medallion and now he is Super Jackie. He's invincible to even bullets, although he feels all the pain, but is quickly healed afterward.

Jackie tries to explain his new found powers to Watson. But why does Jackie ask Watson to hit him on the head with a bed pan full of urine? Couldn't he have shown his super powers to him another way? Jeez.

Then, Jackie gives Watson a knife to stab him with. Watson keeps stabbing Jackie. Jackie can feel the pain, but there is no damage to him. Watson then proceeds to stab him in the butt.

The Medallion is the holy grail of eastern mythology. One needs both halves of the Medallion for immortality and invincibility. The Medallion can give life and also has the power to take it away.

One half of the Medallion gives resurrection and super powers. But two halves of the Medallion give the bearer both invincibility and immortality. The buddhist boy is the chosen one who can grant this power. Evil Snakehead wants it so that he can rule the world forever with his own selfish plans.

Snakehead gets the other half of the Medallion from the buddhist boy and also gets super powers. If he gets both halves, then he'll be unstoppable.

The buddhist boy tells Jackie to throw the Medallion at Snakehead, because the Medallion can also end the life that it gave. The Medallion goes through Snakehead and the snake and fish demons take him to hell or wherever he's destined to go to. This doesn't make a lick of sense, because you can touch the Medallion and be okay. But, don't get hit by the Medallion or else! Totally ridiculous!

I hated the CGI fighting too. This made the movie dumb and Ludicris.

Why don't they use the Medallion to make a race of superhumans? Would that be abusing its power? Watson begs the boy to grant him the powers. He says he's very sick and starts coughing and choking, but the boy just smiles and wouldn't help the dork. The boy is wise. What a tragedy it would be for the world to allow that clumsy dunce to have super powers.

The buddhist boy then walks into an invisible vortex into the next universe. Jackie and Claire run at supersonic speeds together and fly away. Please don't make a sequel. And, Jackie, please retire.

The second half of the movie is better than the first half. Sometimes, it's funny in a lame ass way. Some of the fighting and CGI is fun to watch, but it's mostly stupid and totally absurd. This movie is filled with moronic immature potty comedy and retarded one-liners.

The movie is supposed to be inspired from the legend of Highbinders-powerful knights or warriors. Some legends are just meant to die.

The highs: A nice fighting sequence here and there. A laugh or two once in awhile.

The lows: Really inane immature humor. Unconvincing CGI fighting scenes. Jackie is just going downhill. Watson is a lame ass sidekick that needs to get kicked in the nuts.

The Verdict: Jackie Chan is no more. This is a fake CGI Jackie and his humor is getting more childish.

My rating: 60, D-.