The Incredible Rage

As many of you know, I'm usually an easy going happy-go-lucky type of guy. I try to be as nice as possible to everyone around me.

One time, someone warned me that I was too nice and that people might try to take advantage of me because of my niceness. Well, I thought that even though I'm nice guy, I wouldn't let people take advantage of me. There are just some things that I won't tolerate. I don't like to say no to people, but I will say no if I have to. But, just like the demure version of Jim Carrey in Me, Myself, and Irene, I think that people have looked down upon me because of my meekness. And if you saw the movie, you will know what happened to the nice guy. He finally cracked when he took too much abuse from people.

This happened to Bruce Banner also in The Incredible Hulk. Nice quiet shy guys turn into raging uncontrollable monsters when they finally crack. This also happened to Homer Simpson in the Angry Dad/Incredible Hulk episode of The Simpsons when Bart pushed him too far. Well, Homer can never really maintain self-control, cuz' he's always choking Bart to death.

This uncontrollable rage happens to me once in awhile when someone pushes my buttons to the limits. It's like I'm Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde. I scare myself sometimes after I unleash my anger upon people. I don't know if I fit in the angry bulldog or striking cobra category of angry people. I've read that some people hold in all their angry feelings until one day, they explode and stay angry for a long time. Other people just snap back in anger very quickly and then calm down quickly.

When I finally lose my temper, all hell breaks loose. I start yelling and screaming obscenities towards my debating opponent. The more they yell back, the angrier and more unstable I become. I might then totally lose self-control by throwing and breaking things. Fists might start flying as well if things get worse.

I believe I try to stay as nice as possible in order to not trigger my uncontrollable anger. I'm frightened I might do something which I may later regret.

I remember getting into a lot of fights when I was a young kid at school. One day when some little punk kept teasing me by saying "Chinese, Japanese" and doing that slanted eye thing with his fingers, I felt that I finally had enough and I started smashing his face with my knuckles. I'm Korean, you piece of $%(& bleepin' @@@hole mo&*#$fo@#$%!!

Another time, this other kid pissed me off and I stabbed him with a sharp pencil. I didn't even mean to do it either. I just meant to hit the ground in frustration, but the pencil went through his hand. He started screaming so loudly and was balling like he was going to die. I got scared. I couldn't believe what I had done. He went to the doctor and I don't remember what happened after that. Fortunately, back then, they didn't sue as much as they do nowadays.

I remember I got into several fights in junior and senior high school too. I don't remember how one fight began, but one day some jerk-ass punk just punched me right in the eye. My eyeball turned yellow and my eye was red and swollen shut. I got so mad that I didn't let that guy go without rampaging on his face and eyes until he was black and blue all over. An eye for an eye, I guess.

These days, my total loss of self-control have been becoming more frequent than earlier before.

99% of the time, I'm supernice. I've got to control my temper somehow so that I will never lose self-control again. I better learn how to do this before I do something I will truly regret.

Forgive me father for I have sinned. . . A lot. . . Maybe too much. . . I'm going to shut up now.