Click here to view this awesome skydiving video

I had a dream recently that I went on a business trip with some of my coworkers. After we were done with work, we went base jumping off a very tall bridge over a river. I want to fly so much that I keep dreaming about it.

Over the weekend

On Friday, August 12, 2005, we celebrated my mom's birthday at a Korean BBQ Buffet place. I think it was called Feedibles or something. Wacky name, eh? It's in Rowland Heights on Fullerton and Colima. I hate buffets because I always pig out. Then, my stomach expands even more. I'm like a fish. I'll eat myself to death. Then, we went home and had some more birthday cake. Yikes.

On Saturday, I got my windows tinted on my Honda Accord V-6 EX. I got ultra-dark tint on 5 windows. It looks cool, but I'm hoping the cops won't pull us over for it. You can't even see through the windows. Now, that's privacy. It's like a limo in there. I can make faces at people and they won't even try to pull a gun at me on the freeways now.

On Sunday, instead of going to the auto show again, I went shopping to buy Sarah her birthday present. Her birthday is on Sunday, August 21. I went all out and bought her a nice Bulova watch with a bunch of diamonds in it. I also bought her something from Victoria's Secret. That should be a great birthday next week. Especially for me! Kekeke.

Not all blondes are dumb

Early one Wednesday morning in Las Vegas, two bored casino dealers were waiting at the craps table. An extremely attractive blonde walked up and bet $20,000 on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that, she quickly stripped off all her clothes, rolled the dice then yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed... "YES! YES! I WON, I WON." She immediately hugged each of the dealers then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know -- I thought you were watching."

MORAL: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.

A day in the life of David Kim

Okay, it's been awhile since I wrote a real blog. The truth is Sarah doesn't want me writing too much about our private lives. So, I've been holding back a little bit. (More censorship!)

I've been biking to work and it's awesome. I think everybody should bike everywhere like me. It will really make the world a better place. There will be less pollution, less traffic, and healthier people. When you're healthier, you're happier. When you're happier, you're nicer. That niceness will spread across the land if everyone biked.

Sometimes, I do get bike rage when cars honk at me or cut me off or almost sideswipe me. I catch up to cars at the stop light and curse the hell out of them. I'm biking over 30 miles an hour at times. I'm beginning to bike faster and faster. Nearly everyday, I'm breaking my record to and from work. I had another record breaker today. It took me 33 minutes from the time I got on my bike to the time I got off. The distance is 9.6 miles. The first time I rode to work, it took me nearly 50 minutes. If I keep improving at this pace, I could bike in the Tour de France.

After work, I go swimming for awhile. Then, I go jogging with Sarah sometimes. If we get kids, I'm going to have my whole family compete in triathalons, including Sarah. We need to go on a diet, by the way. We eat like kings at home. Or maybe pigs. Or kings of pigs. Exercise has become really important to me now that I'm older. Since I reached 31, I definitely noticed that I'm not in as good shape as I was in my teens or in my 20s. I thought my 30s were going to be just my extended 20's. I was wrong. I'm not Peter Pan. Dang it!

Today, August 12, is my mom's birthday. We're going to go out and celebrate tonight.

August 21 is my wife, Sarah's, birthday. I'm trying to think of some cool ideas to celebrate her birthday. What should we do? What should I buy her?

Widdle Wabbits

Widdle Wabbits (A Thory to Warm Your Heart)

A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me mithter, do you have widdle wabbits?"

As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so he's on her level, and asks "Do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?"

She inturn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and whispers, "I don't think my pet pyfon weally givth a thit."

Disorder in the American Courts

I haven't seen these for awhile, but they never cease to make me laugh outloud. Everyone needs a good laugh, so enjoy and share! These are from a book called "Disorder in the American Courts", and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm as these exchanges were actually taking place. Be sure to read the last one!

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.. ---------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year. ---------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten? ---------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years. ---------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan. ---------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo. ---------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn'tknow about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam? --------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? ---------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? ---------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time? -------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls? ---------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated? --------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female? ---------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. --------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. ---------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral. ---------------------------------------------------------------- -----

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. --------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? --------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

Senior Thoughts

I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped on. I can't afford one. So, I'm wearing my garage door opener.

You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway.

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beercans!

I was thinking about old age and decided that it is 'when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it'.

I thought about making a fitness movie, for folks my age, and call it "Pumping Rust."

I have gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That's when your chest is falling into your drawers!

I know, when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I want to say, "No, it's for company!"

Employment application blanks always ask 'who is to be notified in case ofan emergency.' I think you should write, "A Good Doctor!"

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are wesupposed to do -- write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they deliver the mail? Or better yet, arrest them while they are taking their pictures!

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then, it dawned on me, they were cramming for their finals. As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve.

Senior Moments

Three old guys are out walking. First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
Second one says, "No, its Thursday!"
Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."


A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur. Becareful.'"

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?" " No," he replied, "arthritis."

No Spikka Inglish

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I comeone lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this Country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives......"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justatellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."

Men's Rules

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Check your oil! Please.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. All men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. No you really do have too many shoes.

1. BEER (Videogames-my input) is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.

1. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.

World's Most Obvious Quiz (Or is it?)

World's Easiest Quiz: How Embarrassing to Fail :-)
(Passing requires just 4 correct answers)

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?

2) Which country makes Panama hats?

3) From which animal do we get catgut?

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?

7) What was King George VI's first name?

8) What color is a purple finch?

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?



All done? Check your answers below!

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.

.

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ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ:

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
*116 years

2) Which country makes Panama hats?
*Ecuador

3) From which animal do we get cat gut?
*Sheep and Horses

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
*November

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
*Squirrel fur

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
*Dogs

7) What was King George VI's first name?
*Albert

8) What color is a purple finch?
*Crimson

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
*New Zealand

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?
*Orange, of course.

Submitted by A.M.

Yet another Lawyer Joke

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Sheriffs Deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the Deputy because he is sure that he has a better education. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the deputies expense...

Deputy says, "License and registration, please."

Lawyer says, "What for?"

Deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign ."

Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

Deputy says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration, please."

Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

Deputy says, "The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop,that's the law.>License and registration, please!"

Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slowdown and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket, if not you let me go and no ticket."

Deputy says, "Exit your vehicle, sir."

At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving crap out of the lawyer and says: "Do you want me to stop or just slow down?"

Submitted by K.C.

Resume Bloopers

These are taken from real resumes and cover letters and were printed in Fortune Magazine:

1. I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.

2. I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet progroms.

3. Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.

4. Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.

5. Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.

6. Its best for employers that I not work with people.

7. Lets meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience.

8. You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.

9. Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.

10. I was working for my mom until she decided to move.

11. Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.

12. Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No Commitments.

13. I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.

14. I am loyal to my employer at all costs... Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.

15. I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.

16. My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meterology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.

17. I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.

18. As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.

19. Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.

20. Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.

21. Note: Please don't miscontrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping. I have never quit a job.

22. Marital status: often. Children: various.

23. Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 a.m. every morning. Could not work under those conditions.

24. The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.

25. Finished eighth in my class of ten.

26. References: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me


Submitted by A.M.

Yet another joke

A little boy walks into his parents room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom see's her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dress's quickly and goes to find him. The son see's his mom and asks' "What were you and dad doing?"The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it.""You're wasting your time." says the boy. "Why is that?" asked him mom, puzzled. "Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."

Subject: New disease

A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well. "What's the matter?" he asks"
I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says in a weak voice.
"What the hell is anal glaucoma?"
"I can't see my ass coming into work today."
:)

Joke submitted by K.C.

Phil=Freepcreep

Below is part of my email thread with Phil, or shall I say "Freepcreep". I finally found out who Freepcreep, my online stalker, was because of his little mistake, however strange it may be. That's cool. Phil always had a weird sense of humor. He's still a good friend. Thanks again for the bike jersey, Phil. Let's go biking sometime.



Very strange... Oh, now I get it. There is some dude in my apartment complex whodoes a lot of biking. He's the one who sent it to you. He says the jersey isbrand new and never been worn.Phil

-----Original Message-----From: David Kim <davidmkim@hotmail.com>Sent: Jan 6, 2005 9:21 AMTo: @#$@travelin.com (email censored)
Subject: Re: Thanks for the bike jersey

Dear Phil,

The address on freepcreep's envelope which had the bike jersey matched the address on the envelope of the Christmas card you sent me. Oh yeah, thanks for the Christmas card too. It was a nice one.Take care,David

Sarah Passes her Board Exams

Congratulations to Sarah for passing her pharmacy board exams. She passed the NAPLEX and CPJE. Now, she is a full fledged pharmacist. I'm pretty stoked.

South Korean man dies after 50 hours of videogames

This is a total tragedy. Don't worry it's not about me. Even I don't play for that long straight. Maybe I would do it for one whole day. This guy actually quit his job to devote his time to playing games. Now, that's dedication.

Click on the title of this post to read the news article.

Another Joke

A woman walks into a hillbilly bar. She eats some food, but gets something caught in her throat. She starts panicking and turns blue. One hillbilly asks her if she is okay and she shakes her head "no". The hillbilly then pulls down her skirt and panties and starts licking her butt. The woman was so startled she coughs up the food that was caught in her throat and starts to breathe again. The hillbilly walks back to the bar. Another hillbilly says, "Wow! I've heard of it being done, but I've never actually seen anyone do the hindlick maneuver before."

The Chevy SSR. I guess this hotrod truck would be more practical than a Miata, but you can't really carry that much or tow much. I have more pictures on my Yahoo Photo Album. Let me know if you want to see more. I'll give you the link. You can also find the link to my Photo Album through my past blogs.