Nothing Will Be Impossible With God

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Here's a short clip of our 2nd Grade Sunday School kids singing the song, "Nothing Will Be Impossible With God". The song is about god, not Kim Possible. For some strange reason, there's a lot of people looking for bizarre lewd Kim Possible videos and pictures on my site.

We had a bunch of kids missing this past Sunday. They must be partying hard during spring break or something. I will take some more pictures of the kids when they're all here. I kinda put the kids on the spot when I videotaped them, because our kids don't really like to sing these songs that much. It's a new song. They like to sing songs that they've heard before.

They weren't very hyper because Sarah was there. Whenever she's there, the kids behave. When I'm teaching by myself, they're super hyper.

When Sarah told them to not act hyper during class, Austin "Sugarboy" said, "But I'm not acting crazy today." He's always a funny kid. When Sarah said that god has the power to heal, she asked them what powers they wished they had.

Austin said, "I wish I had super speed."

Sarah: Why?

Austin: So that I can save the world.

The kids start laughing.

Can Praying Actually Hurt Others?

In an ABC News article about a study on prayer's effects on the health of heart surgery patients, it reported that they found no effects of prayer's healing powers.

This study goes against the testimonies of thousands of people at church that say that they have been healed through the miracles of prayer. There have been many other studies in the past that have tested the effects of prayer. Some support the claim that praying can heal and other studies have found no effects. This study has found results that show that prayers can actually cause more complications to patients who know that they are being prayed for by others. I've heard of other studies that show that religious people actually live longer. What are your thoughts?

Here is the article:



Study: Prayer Won't Affect Heart Patients
by Malcolm Ritter


NEW YORK Mar 31, 2006 (AP)— Does praying for a sick person's recovery do any good? In the largest scientific test of its kind, heart surgery patients showed no benefit when strangers prayed for their recovery.

And patients who knew they were being prayed for had a slightly higher rate of complications. The researchers could only guess why.

Several scientists questioned the concept of the study. Science "is not designed to study the supernatural," said Dr. Harold G. Koenig, director of the Center for Spirituality, Theology and Health at the Duke University Medical Center.

The researchers who tested the power of prayer emphasized that their $2.4 million study could not address whether God exists or answers prayers made on another's behalf. The study could look only for effects from the specific prayers offered as part of the research, they said.

The highly anticipated study "did not move us forward or backward" in understanding the effects of prayer, said Dr. Charles Bethea, a co-author and cardiologist at the Integris Baptist Medical Center in Oklahoma City. "Intercessory prayer under our restricted format had a neutral effect."

Dr. Herbert Benson of Harvard Medical School, co-principal investigator of the study, agreed. "We cannot come to a conclusion, except to say that by this study design, with its limitations, this is what we found."

The researchers also said they didn't know why patients who knew they were being prayed for had a higher rate of complications than patients who only knew that such prayers were a possibility.

Maybe they became anxious by the knowledge that they'd been selected for prayers, Bethea said: "Did the patients think, 'I am so sick that they had to call in the prayer team?'"

The researchers said family and friends shouldn't be discouraged from telling a patient about their plans to pray for a good recovery.

Experts called it the largest and best-designed study ever to test the medical effects of intercessory prayers praying on behalf of someone else. That's different from studying the effect of a person's prayers and spiritual practices on his or her own health; many studies of that have shown a positive effect.

The new study followed about 1,800 patients at six medical centers. It was financed by the Templeton Foundation, which supports research into science and religion, and one of the participating hospitals. It will appear in Tuesday's issue of the American Heart Journal.

The research team tested the effect of having three Christian groups pray for particular patients, starting the night before surgery and continuing for two weeks. The volunteers prayed for "a successful surgery with a quick, healthy recovery and no complications" for specific patients their identities known only by first name and first initial of the last name.

The patients, meanwhile, were split into three groups of about 600 apiece: those who knew they were being prayed for, those who were prayed for but only knew it was a possibility, and those who weren't prayed for but were told it was a possibility.

The researchers didn't ask patients or their families and friends to alter any plans they had for prayer, saying such a step would have been unethical and impractical.

The study looked for any complications within 30 days of the surgery. Results showed no effect of prayer on complication-free recovery. But among patients who did receive prayers, 59 percent of the patients who knew they were being prayed for developed a complication, versus 52 percent of those who were told it was just a possibility.

Paul Kurtz, professor emeritus of philosophy at the State University of New York at Buffalo, and chairman of the Committee for the Scientific Investigation of Claims of the Paranormal, had a blunt response when asked why he thought the study found no effect of prayer.

"Because there is none," he said. "That would be one answer."

He added that while he tries to keep an open mind, he's seen no good evidence for such an effect in past studies. The new work, he said, "gives added emphasis to those who have been skeptical."

Koenig, of Duke University Medical Center, who didn't take part in the study, said the results didn't surprise him.

"There are no scientific grounds to expect a result and there are no real theological grounds to expect a result either," he said. "There is no god in either the Christian, Jewish or Muslim scriptures that can be constrained to the point that they can be predicted."

Within the Christian tradition, God would be expected to be concerned with a person's eternal salvation, he said, and "why would God change his plans for a particular person just because they're in a research study?"

Dr. David Stevens, executive director of the Christian Medical and Dental Associations, said he believes intercessory prayer can influence medical outcomes, but that science is not equipped to explore it.

"Do we control God through prayer? Theologians would say absolutely not. God decides sometimes to intervene, and sometimes not," he said.

As for the new study, he said, "I don't think … it's going to stop people praying for the sick."

A History of Violence 

A History of Violence

I'm a nice family man. Don't piss me off. Don't make me go violent on your ass.

Viggo Mortenson stars as Tom Stall, a nice quiet peace loving family man. He has a lovely lawyer wife and two great kids. They live in a small town in Indiana where everybody knows everyone else's names.

One day, 2 cold blooded killers come in to Tom's diner and cause trouble. One thug grope's his waitresses breasts and points a gun to her head. Tom instinctively turns violent and kills them. He becomes a local hero and is on the news. Tom doesn't want the attention. He says anyone would have done the same thing if they were in the same situation.

Later, a mafia crimelord and his posse come to his diner and say, "Where've you been Joey?" Tom says he's not Joey and has never been to Philly. Tom starts getting paranoid when he sees the mafia's black car again the next day. The mafia guys show up once more and drive up to his house in an appropriate gangsta car, the Chrysler 300C. The mafia thugs kidnap his teenage son and tells Tom to get in the car. Tom goes into killer mode and kills the bodyguards, but he gets shot. Tom lies on the ground and is about to be killed by his old archenemy, the mafia boss with the jacked up eyeball, when his teenage boy suddenly shows up and shoots the badguy with a shotgun. Like father, like son.

Apparently, Tom really did have a hidden past. He used to be Joey Cusack, a former Hitman. His wife is really upset because he has never told her and feels like she's been living a lie all these years. His son is starting to disrespect his old man now too. (I really hate teenagers. That's why I don't want to have any bratty kids.)

Tom's wife slaps his face, and the old Joey starts coming out again. He rapes his wife on the staircase, but then it looks like she still had a happy ending. Later she walks by naked without saying a word, because she's still pissed at him. Then, his brother calls. He says, "Are you going to come and visit me or do I have to go visit you?" So, Tom/Joey goes to visit him. His brother is also a mafia crime boss living in a mansion. He kisses Joey and says why haven't you called me, bro? You've cost me a heck of a lot when you ripped the nasty mafia boss' eye out with barbed wire and ran off. You cost me a lot! Then, his brother tells his henchman to kill his own brother. Tom/Joey destroys them all and shoots his brother's brains out.

He goes back home during dinner time. His wife starts praying. Everyone is silent. Then, his little girl sets a dinner plate for him. Tom sits down. Fin.

I thought this was a very good psychological thriller. It makes you think about the cost and the effects of violence in a man and his family's life. The music was appropriately moody and tense. The acting was great. You can really see the stress that went on in the family.


I can't believe they just had sex on the stairway like that. What if the kids walked in on them. That would cause more trauma to the children than any violence they would ever witness!

Also, there was one moment of overacting by Tom's wife when she found out that Tom really was a Hitman before. She started throwing up right when she heard him confirm that. Would that happen? Maybe women really do get that upset.

I would be proud of what the son did to that high school bully. Reminds me of myself. When some @##hole kept picking on me, eventually I would crack and beat the $hit out of him. Which is exactly what the son did. I guess anger, violence, and fighting abilities are genetic. The kid looked like a wuss, but he can pack a wallop. That's my boy. You've got to watch out for lawsuits though.

The Highs: Great acting, very tense. A good in depth psychological study of violence and its effects on people.

The Lows: Hella boring beginning, especially the first scene where the bad guys talk in their car.

The Verdict: Don't get my daddy mad, or he'll take you out.

My rating: A, 91.

That's just like me. I blog about everything that happens to me. Except I would go "A History of Violence" on his ass and then blog about it. 

Spring Waltz

"Spring Waltz". ("Bohm Eh Waltz").

This Korean video that my wife likes to watch, and which I sometimes watch after washing the dishes and stuff, is about two childhood sweethearts that promise they'll always love each other.

She tells him, "Even though you become a gangster or a liar, I'll always love you." Now that's unconditional love.

Well, as always after the first episode, they grow up. After years of being separated, the sweetheart boy and sweetheart girl meet again. The boy was adopted by a rich family, and he never was able to see her again until recently. But now that they're all grown up and after many years have passed, they don't even recognize each other. This new Korean dude from America ("Konglish dude" or "Kyoppo"), who can't speak a jack's worth of Korean, meets sweetheart girl and falls in love with her. The Korean American Konglish dude is sweetheart boy's best friend. However, the sweetheart boy starts falling in love with the girl too. What should he do? He has to respect his best friend, but at the same time he loves this beautiful hottie too. Sometimes, all's fair in love and war. You have to do what you have to do for love. Konglish stud can't believe his best friend betrayed him. But at the same time, there's this other chick that loves the Konglish stud and she's jealous of the girl. She wants Konglish stud all for herself. Meanwhile sweetheart girl is confused. Why are all the boys after me? Do they just like me for my drop dead gorgeous looks? What do they want from me? While each of them tries to answer their own universe shattering questions, will the forces of nature ever reunite sweetheart boy and girl together? Will sweetheart boy and sweetheart girl ever discover that they were long lost childhoood sweethearts? Stay tuned and find out! 

Don't Worry!

"Don't Worry!" ("Guk Jung Ha Ji Ma!") This Korean drama is about this young girl who falls for this older dude. Her mom disapproves, because he's her age and he used to be her mom's friend. What a bastard! Dating your friend's daughter?!!!! Well, the bastard is a rich doctor after all. If he still has game, then he should still be a playa, right? Heartache and hilarity ensue. 

Can Love Be Refeeled?

Can Love Be Refeeled? Refilled? (Sarang Do Refeel Ee Dae Nah Yo?) That title is so Fobby. (F.O.B.=Fresh off the Boat. Meaning recent immigrant to the United States. Kids of old school immigrants use this term to mock fobs who come here with disdain b/c they suck at English.) This Korean Drama is about this girl who has to choose between her old flame and her new lover.

The old flame challenges her new lover to basketball, swimming, racquetball, and boxing contests, but he gets his ass kicked.

"Which one should I choose? The new guy is smarter, better looking, and pretty much better at everything than my old ex, but I still have feelings for the bastard."

I suspect, judging from the title, we already know who she'll choose. But, it's still going to take about a hundred episodes or so to find out. After all, the answers to life and love's difficult questions doesn't get solved that easily, am I right? 

Unusual Woman Unusual Man

("Byul Nan Yuh Ja Byul Nan Nam Ja") "Unusual Woman Unusual Man."

I'm not sure if I translated the title correctly, but I think that sounds right. When I used Alta Vista Babel Fish, it translated the title as, "Peculiar Woman Peculiar Man." Now, I think that sounds a lot worse! My wife and I like to watch Korean videos (mostly my wife). I still like watching good ol' Hollywood films. I miss watching my favorite Korean actress, Kim Hee Sun, when she starred in all these fantastic miniseries (dramas that are usually less than 20 episodes long). You can watch the videos online on www.kbs.co.kr. If you don't read Korean, then you might want to ask a pretty Korean girl (or guy) to help you.

Anyway, this drama is about one adopted girl who falls in love with this rich dude. The rich guy had been dating this other rich girl. The rich guy's cousin is hopelessly in love with the rich girl. And the rich guy starts falling in love with the orphan girl. The rich guy's family disapproves of this adopted riff raff girl with no parents. Heartache and hilarity ensue.

If you have time to watch it, then go for it. Most Korean dramas are sometimes hundreds of episodes in length. Just like all the other long Korean dramas out there, you don't have to watch all of them to know what's going on. They have lots of flashbacks and stuff like that. 

The New Church Minister

A new church minister at his first worship service was so nervous he could hardly speak. After the worship service, he asked the reverend how he had done.

The reverend replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the reverend's advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the worship service, he found the following note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.

8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10) We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me".

12) The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry.

13) The recommended prayer before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

Superman

One day Superman is flying around and he is horny as hell. So he starts flying all over the city looking for a nice girl to screw. Then, all of a sudden, he sees Wonder Woman on the roof of the Justice Leage tanning herself... and not only is she completely naked, but she has her legs spread wide open like she's just asking for it!

"Man...", Superman thinks to himself, "I have got to get me some of that Wonder-p**sy!". Then he realizes that he's Superman! He's faster than a speeding bullet! He could probably fly down there, do his business, then fly away before Wonder Woman even realized what was going on.

So he gets himself ready, flies down to the roof of the Justice League, has his way with Wonder Woman, and flies away before she could even see him.

So all of a sudden Wonder Woman bolts straight up in her chair and yells "What the hell was that!"

And the Invisible Man says, "I have no idea, but my ass is killing me!"

New Modern English Language Dictionary

Arbitrator \ar'-bi-tray-ter\: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.

Avoidable \uh-voy'-duh-buhl\: What a bullfighter tries to do.

Baloney \buh-lo'-nee\: Where some hemlines fall

Bernadette \burn'-a-det\: The act of torching a mortgage

Burglarize \bur'-gler-ize\: What a crook sees with

Control \kon-trol'\: A short, ugly inmate

Counterfeiters \kown-ter-fit-ers \: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets

Eclipse \i-klips'\: what an English barber does for a living

Eyedropper \i'-drop-ur\: a clumsy ophthalmologist

Heroes \hee'-rhos\: what a guy in a boat does

Left Bank \left' bangk'\: what the robber did when his bag was full of loot

Misty \mis'-tee\: How golfers create divots

Paradox \par'-u-doks\: two physicians

Parasites \par'-uh-sites\: what you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.

Pharmacist \farm'-uh-sist\: a helper on the farm

Polarize \po'-lur-ize\: what penguins see with

Primate \pri'-mat\: removing your spouse from in front of the TV

Relief \ree-leef'\: what trees do in the spring

Rubberneck \rub'-er-nek\: what you do to relax your wife

Seamstress \seem'-stres\: describes 250 pounds in a size six

Selfish \sel'-fish\: what the owner of a seafood store does

Subdued \sub-dood'\: like, a guy, like, works on one of those, like, submarines, man

Sudafed \sood'-a-fed\: bringing litigation against a government official

Perfume

An old woman is riding in an elevator in a very lavish downtown Los Angeles City
building, when a young and beautiful woman gets into the
elevator, smelling of expensive perfume. She turns to the old woman and
says arrogantly, "Romance" by Ralph Lauren, $150 an ounce!" Then
another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator, and also
very arrogantly turns to the old woman saying, "Channel No. 5,
$200 an ounce." About three floors later, the old woman has
reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator.
Before she leaves, she looks both beautiful women in the eye, makes a giant fart,
then says,.........................

"Beans and Broccoli...... 49 cents a pound."

A Cowboy in a Gay Bar

A cowboy walks into a bar, and two steps in he realizes it's a gay bar. "What the heck," he says to himself, "I really want a drink." When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy, "What's the name of your willy?" The cowboy says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink. "The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your willy. Mine for instance is called NIKE, for the slogan, 'Just Do It.' That guy down at the end of the bar calls his SNICKERS, because 'It really Satisfies.' "

The cowboy looks dumbfounded, so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over. So the cowboy asks the man sitting to his left who is sipping on a beer, "Hey bud, what's the name of yours?" The man looks back and says with a smile, "TIMEX." The thirsty cowboy asks, "Why Timex?" the fella proudly replies, "'Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin!'"

A little shaken, the cowboy turns to two fella's on his right, who happen to be sharing a fruity Margarita and says, "So, what do you guys call yours?" The first man turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because "Quality is Job One." "Then he adds, "Have you driven a Ford lately?" The guy next to him then says, "I call mine CHEVY.....'Like a Rock!' "And gives a wink!

Even more shaken, the Cowboy has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his manhood. Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The name of my willy is SECRET. Now give me a beer." The bartender begins to pour the cowboy a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, "Why Secret?"

The cowboy says, "Because it's 'STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!!!!!!!

State Mottos

State Mottos

Alabama
>Hell Yes, We Have Electricity.

>Alaska
>11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!

>Arizona
>But It's A Dry Heat....

>Arkansas
>Literacy Ain't Everything.

>California
>By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda.

>Colorado
>If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother.

>Connecticut
>Like Massachusetts,
>Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It Yet.

>Delaware
>We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water.

>Florida
>Ask Us About Our Grandkids.

>Georgia
>We Put The Fun In Fundamentalist Extremism.

>Hawaii
>Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru
>(Death To Mainland Scum,Leave Your Money)

>Idaho
>More Than Just Potatoes...
>Well, Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good

>Illinois
>Please, Don't Pronounce the "S"

>Indiana
>2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free

>Iowa
>We Do Amazing Things With Corn

>Kansas
>First Of The Rectangle States

>Kentucky
>Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names

>Louisiana
>We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos,
>But That's Our Tourism Campaign.

>Maine
>We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster

>Maryland
>If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It

>Massachusetts
>Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's

>Michigan
>First Line Of Defense From The Canadians

>Minnesota
>10,000 Lakes...And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes

>Mississippi
>Come And Feel Better About Your Own State

>Missouri
>Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work

>Montana
>Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing Crazies,
>and Very Little Else.

>Nebraska
>Ask About Our State Motto Contest

>Nevada
>Hookers and Poker!

>New Hampshire
>Go Away And Leave Us Alone

>New Jersey
>You Want A ##$%##! Motto?
>I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto
>Right here!

>New Mexico
>Lizards Make Excellent Pets

>New York
>You Have The Right To Remain Silent,
>You Have The Right
>To An Attorney...

>North Carolina
>Tobacco Is A Vegetable

>North Dakota
>We Really Are One Of The 50 States!

>Ohio
>At Least We're Not Michigan

>Oklahoma
>Like The Play, But No Singing

>Oregon
>Spotted Owl...It's What's For Dinner

>Pennsylvania
>Cook With Coal

>Rhode Island
>We're Not REALLY An Island

>South Carolina
>Remember The Civil War?
>Well, We Didn't Actually Surrender Yet

>South Dakota
>Closer Than North Dakota

>Tennessee
>The Edyoocashun State

>Texas
>Se Hablo Ingles

>Utah
>Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus

>Vermont
>Ay, Yep

>Virginia
>Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?

>Washington
>We have more rain than you do

>West Virginia
>One Big Happy Family...Really!

>Wisconsin
>Come Cut The Cheese!

>Wyoming
>Where Men Are Men... And The Sheep Are Scared

The Proctologist

A proctologist walks into a bank, preparing to endorse a check. She reaches in her pocket and pulls out a rectal thermometer and tries to write with it. She looks up at the teller, pauses for a moment, then realizing her mistake, she says, "Well that's great......just great.....Some asshole's got my pen."

The Mexican

A Mexican family crosses the border to the Land of Milk and Honey
where the streets are supposed to be paved with gold. But the
husband can find no work. His family is hungry, so he takes a walk to
a quiet place at the foot of a big hill, kneels at the base of a
tree, and begins to pray: Sweet Jesus, please show me a way to feed
my family..."

Eyes closed, the Mexican does not see the Black man coming over the
top of the hill, who is struggling with a broken grocery sack and
loses a wheel of his cheese. When the Mexican man opens his eyes, the
large wheel of cheddar cheese from the Black man's grocery bag rolls
down the hill and lands at the Mexican's feet! "Oh, thank you Jesus,
thank you!" he cries, grabs the cheese, and runs straight home. Upon
returning home, he gives the cheese to his wife and instructs her
to make nachos.

"But wouldn't you rather have cheese enchiladas and
burritos and other things?" She inquires.

"No," the husband says, "Jesus sent this to me with a message...As I
ran home, I kept hearing a voice from Him yelling, 'THAT'S NACHO CHEESE!
THAT'S NACHO CHEESE!

Honk If You Love Jesus

Dear Sarah,

The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a

"Honk If You Love Jesus"

bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, I'm glad I did! What an uplifting experience followed!

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is...and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed! I found that LOTS of people love Jesus!

While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of GOD! GO! GO! Jesus Christ, GO!"
What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a "sunny beach"... I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing ... he was enjoying this religious experience, too!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.

Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!

Love, Grandma

The Medallion 

The Medallion

Jackie Chan, where have you gone? This is not the real Jackie Chan.

Okay, it's official. Jackie Chan sucks now. He used to be so cool back when he was making Hong Kong movies. Ever since he went Hollywood, his movies have gone downhill. What happened to his great movies like Drunken Master, Operation Condor, and Who Am I? Those were fun to watch. Now, he's over-the-hill and lame. His fighting style and humor have been watered down a lot. Now, with The Medallion and The Tuxedo, he has done the unthinkable. He has given in to the use of CGI and stuntment. The great thing about Jackie Chan was that he did all those incredible stunts all by himself. If he's too old to do them now, then he should just quit churning out these god awful movies.

In the Medallion, Jackie has to save a young buddhist boy from a sinister white guy that goes by the name of Snakehead. Snakey seems to want that boy for some reason. Jackie tries to find out why. He's hoping to god that Snakehead is not a catholic priest who wants to go "Michael Jackson" on that little boy.

Jackie plays a Hong Kong supercop like in Police Story. Along the way he teams up with an Irish Interpol agent named Watson. Watson is the biggest goofy dork since Pee Wee Herman and Mr. Bean. He has big dumbo ears and thinks he's the baddest secret agent since Bond. Watson keeps telling Jackie that he's the leader, but he's nothing but a slapstick sidekick that produces a lot of groans from the audience.

Why does Watson even have to pretend he's a librarian to his family instead of an interpol agent? This movie doesn't make any sense at all. Apparently Jackie gets Jungle Fever once again in this movie as he teams up with actress Claire Forlani, who plays his ex-lover that he reunites with in Ireland. Unbelievably, Watson also has Jungle Fever and has a Chinese Irish wife. Later on, when the attackers invade their home, his wife starts kicking ass and starts kicking the bad guys' faces. Why is a housewife such a good fighter? Is it because she's Asian, and all Asians know Kung Fu?

This movie might be a good flick for kids 12 and under. This movie is a groaner for anyone who's old enough to produce kids.

Jackie and CGI is just not a good combination. Jackie's entire appeal was his unique and highly entertaining fighting style. Jackie had enough energy to produce incredibly choreographed fight scenes with a comedic style. He apparently lost most of this now that he's older. His natural talents really shined in his movies when he was younger. Now his movies suck hard.

There's one chase scene where Jackie chases a black pimp down the streets of downtown Dublin. The black pimp can run and hurdle over tables and fences. Jackie uses CGI to chase after him. He jumps on top of parked bikes as if he's running on top of giant toppling dominoes. Why would bikes make ringing bikebell sounds when he jumps on bike seats? That's so lame! They use cartoony sound effects. And why didn't Jackie have an Interpol agent arrest the pimp and interrogate him instead of simply leaving him in the trash can?

Watson his goofball sidekick with the inferiority/superiority complex keeps bossing Jackie around telling him that he's the head librarian.

Jackie's Irish lover, Claire, also happens to kick butt too. All the women in his movies kick ass when they fight.

Jackie dies when he and the buddhist boy goes inside the shipping container and the container gets knocked into the harbor. What are the chances of them having an inflatable raft and glow sticks inside the container though? Jackie drowns to death, but after the buddhist boy touches corpse Jackie with the Medallion, resurrected Jackie #2 appears naked. Jackie #2 asks Watson "What's wrong?" while Watson is looking at Jackie's dead body at the morgue. Watson freaks out and shows dead Jackie #1 to him. Jackie #2 says that Jackie #1 must be a fake.

Jackie #2 says, "My nose isn't that big."

Then, Jackie #2 looks at his naked exposed dick and says, "That must be me."

Watson responds, "How do you know?"

Jackie #2: "Don't you think I can recognize my own thing?"

Jackie #2 looks at the Medallion, and the snake and fish carvings start moving. Then, dead Jackie #1's dead body turns into dust, blows away, and completely disappears.

Jackie looks at the nurse who is trying to feed the buddhist boy with poisoned pudding.

Resurrected Jackie: That nurse. Her boots.

Watson lustily: "Yeah"
He cups his 2 hands in front of his chest and smiles, thinking Jackie was talking about her luscious boobs.

Jackie shaking his head: No! Her boots! Nurses don't wear boots.

They start chasing after her. The nurse can also kick ass and runs away. During the fight with some other bad guys, Jackie realizes that the Medallion also gave him super powers. The buddhist boy is the chosen one. Buddhist boy has resurrected Jackie with the Medallion and now he is Super Jackie. He's invincible to even bullets, although he feels all the pain, but is quickly healed afterward.

Jackie tries to explain his new found powers to Watson. But why does Jackie ask Watson to hit him on the head with a bed pan full of urine? Couldn't he have shown his super powers to him another way? Jeez.

Then, Jackie gives Watson a knife to stab him with. Watson keeps stabbing Jackie. Jackie can feel the pain, but there is no damage to him. Watson then proceeds to stab him in the butt.

The Medallion is the holy grail of eastern mythology. One needs both halves of the Medallion for immortality and invincibility. The Medallion can give life and also has the power to take it away.

One half of the Medallion gives resurrection and super powers. But two halves of the Medallion give the bearer both invincibility and immortality. The buddhist boy is the chosen one who can grant this power. Evil Snakehead wants it so that he can rule the world forever with his own selfish plans.

Snakehead gets the other half of the Medallion from the buddhist boy and also gets super powers. If he gets both halves, then he'll be unstoppable.

The buddhist boy tells Jackie to throw the Medallion at Snakehead, because the Medallion can also end the life that it gave. The Medallion goes through Snakehead and the snake and fish demons take him to hell or wherever he's destined to go to. This doesn't make a lick of sense, because you can touch the Medallion and be okay. But, don't get hit by the Medallion or else! Totally ridiculous!

I hated the CGI fighting too. This made the movie dumb and Ludicris.

Why don't they use the Medallion to make a race of superhumans? Would that be abusing its power? Watson begs the boy to grant him the powers. He says he's very sick and starts coughing and choking, but the boy just smiles and wouldn't help the dork. The boy is wise. What a tragedy it would be for the world to allow that clumsy dunce to have super powers.

The buddhist boy then walks into an invisible vortex into the next universe. Jackie and Claire run at supersonic speeds together and fly away. Please don't make a sequel. And, Jackie, please retire.

The second half of the movie is better than the first half. Sometimes, it's funny in a lame ass way. Some of the fighting and CGI is fun to watch, but it's mostly stupid and totally absurd. This movie is filled with moronic immature potty comedy and retarded one-liners.

The movie is supposed to be inspired from the legend of Highbinders-powerful knights or warriors. Some legends are just meant to die.

The highs: A nice fighting sequence here and there. A laugh or two once in awhile.

The lows: Really inane immature humor. Unconvincing CGI fighting scenes. Jackie is just going downhill. Watson is a lame ass sidekick that needs to get kicked in the nuts.

The Verdict: Jackie Chan is no more. This is a fake CGI Jackie and his humor is getting more childish.

My rating: 60, D-.