Underworld: Evolution

Vampires and werewolves. . .oh my! Kate Beckinsale stars in this crapola of a film as a death dealing vampire. She falls in love with a vampire/werewolf hybrid. They've got to stop a lunatic super vampire who is trying to set his twin brother, who happens to be a werewolf, free from a catacomb.

This movie has a lot of action, gore, and blood, but none of it really meshes together to make an exciting film. I haven't seen the first movie Underworld, but I don't think I'd want to after watching this sequel. There were some suspenseful scenes, but that was only my own anticipation for something exciting to happen. Unfortunately, nothing much really came of it.

This movie is filled with cliches galore. Everything you've seen in this movie, you've seen somewhere else and probably were better than this. Vampires' skin burn when exposed to sunlight. Werewolves are ugly wolf men. The movie was entirely predictable. Blah. This movie just appeals to vamps, goths, immature teens, and maybe some geeks and nerds who like this stuff. I don't think anyone else will like this movie at all.

The acting is pretty sterile. This a major contributing factor to the boredom this movie produces. The script itself is probably the biggest reason for its failure. It's idiotic.

As with most movies like this, you have to suspend your imagination. But, with this movie, you have to shut down your entire brain to watch this. There are so many dumb things in this film, that I don't have enough space to list them all. Just one of the examples is how the werewolf survived for 3 centuries locked up in a tomb. He just gets up and attacks like nothing happened. The first vampire was supposed to be the most powerful, but he commits suicide by blowing himself up instead of just toughing it out and healing himself like all the other vampires. Kate Beckinsale just healed herself after being wounded just like the other main vampire who grew wings. Why couldn't he just do heal himself if he's so powerful? Why'd he let Kate drink his blood so that she can evolve into "The Future"? I guess this movie was just meant to be watched and not thought about too much. It's too bad that the movie is not much to look at either.

Another complaint I have with the dumb storyline is that these movies all promote the theory that people turn into things that they were bitten by. For example, in this movie, one twin was bitten by a bat, and so he turned into a vampire. The other twin was bitten by a wolf, and so he turned into a werewolf (Lycan). Hasn't anyone else bitten bitten by these animals before? They know they're not going to turn into vampires or werewolves after being bitten by them. I've been bitten by a dog before. I didn't turn into a weredog. I've been bitten by my cat before. I didn't turn into catman. I've been bitten by a spider. I didn't turn into spiderman. I've been bitten by ants. I didn't turn into antman. I've been bitten by mosquitos. I didn't turn into mosquitoman. Okay, enough of that crap. I bet that if I get bitten by a fruitbat, I'm not going to turn into a vampire that sucks the nectar out of fruits.

My rating: F, 50.