The festivities started around noon with bands, games, tons of food booths, etc.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
On July 4th, Sarah, Mikey, and Sarah's brother (Mikey's dad), went to see the fireworks show. At 8:00 p.m., there was a skydiving demonstration. Here's a photo of one of the skydivers carrying the American flag. Skydiving is on my list of stuff I want to do before I die. I'm going to do it even if it means the death of me.
This past Monday, July 3, 2006, Andy Nagai and I went road biking at Glendora Mountain Road. It was road bike heaven! The road is blocked off to cars for several miles. After we got to the other side of the mountain, we were able to take in breathtaking views of Crystal Lake. After 8 miles or so, the road lead to a fork in the road, one road lead to East Fork and the other road lead to Mt. Baldy Village. Since the road opened up to cars via another connecting road, we decided to head back since we didn't want to deal with any cars. The way back was pure adrenaline and speed. We reached speeds of over 37 miles an hour on twisty mountain roads. It took an hour or two to get up, but only a few minutes to get back down. I need to get another road bike. I lead the way going up, but he was a speed demon on the way down. His road bike had obvious advantages. His blade thin tires and giant gears helped him to burn up the road. He hardly pedaled on the way down. I was spinning like a maniac just to keep up. If I get a time trial bike with monster gears for downhills, I could probably go over 40 miles an hour. I once reached 50 miles an hour on a long downhill in San Diego on my mountain bike.
Calves of Steel
Today, when I was biking home, this pretty young girl in a red car shouted, "Hey! You've got calves of steel!!" I felt good. I felt like I got a 5 mph boost to my speed. About a mile later, I passed her again and she shouted, "Go! Go! Go!" That kind of encouragement helps me to ride faster.
I take any compliment I can get. This is far different from the usual honking and crazy rude driving I typically have to experience from other cars. A lot of @$$holes yell curses at me instead when I'm riding. Sometimes, anger helps me to ride faster too. I usually catch up to them at the next light and give them a piece of my mind. I know this kind of bike rage is probably dangerous, but at least it helps relieve some temporary pent-up anger within me. I'm a completely different person when I'm on a bike or in a car.
Anyway, I felt good getting a nice compliment for once. I really felt like I had more horsepower afterwards. I believe I made a record time of 35 minutes when I biked 10 and a half miles from work to my home.
Unfortunately, when I got home, I noticed a small piece of glass in my tire. Scummy bastards throw a lot of their beer bottles on the side of the road and there's always hazards everywhere. Now I have a flat tire, dang it!
About a month ago, a couple of girls were so impressed with my trackstand abilities at the stoplight that they took a picture of me. Maybe, I'll end up on their blog or something.
We need more nice people on the road instead of jerkoffs.
I take any compliment I can get. This is far different from the usual honking and crazy rude driving I typically have to experience from other cars. A lot of @$$holes yell curses at me instead when I'm riding. Sometimes, anger helps me to ride faster too. I usually catch up to them at the next light and give them a piece of my mind. I know this kind of bike rage is probably dangerous, but at least it helps relieve some temporary pent-up anger within me. I'm a completely different person when I'm on a bike or in a car.
Anyway, I felt good getting a nice compliment for once. I really felt like I had more horsepower afterwards. I believe I made a record time of 35 minutes when I biked 10 and a half miles from work to my home.
Unfortunately, when I got home, I noticed a small piece of glass in my tire. Scummy bastards throw a lot of their beer bottles on the side of the road and there's always hazards everywhere. Now I have a flat tire, dang it!
About a month ago, a couple of girls were so impressed with my trackstand abilities at the stoplight that they took a picture of me. Maybe, I'll end up on their blog or something.
We need more nice people on the road instead of jerkoffs.
Saturday, July 01, 2006
Kim Hee Sun. She used to be my favorite Korean actress ever since I watched the Korean mini-series, "Propose" in 1997. I really liked it for some reason. I watched it like 3 times. It's 16 episodes long and each episode is about one hour. I even bought the soundtrack and listened to it a thousand times. I saw her other mini-series like Mr. Q, Wedding Dress, Tomato, and Sunflower. I got really into Korean videos ever since watching her dramas. She's the best Korean actress ever! Too bad she doesn't star in anymore Korean dramas. She always plays the part of a sweet innocent girl like Cinderella trying to make it in this dangerous world.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
This past Saturday, June 24, 2006, I went mountain biking on the El Prieto trail in Pasadena, California. This trail starts off near JPL like all the other Gabrielino trails. There's a lots of fireroad climbing up Brown Mountain. It's hard to find the El Prieto trail, but once you do it's a pretty nice singletrack. It's an advanced course, so watch out! Be wary of poison oak and cactus plants that are along the narrow paths. It's nice and shaded along El Prieto, but I thought the trail was way too short. I didn't charge my camera so I couldn't take any pictures. I got this picture from www.geoladders.com. This website has info on lots of other great trails. Be sure to check it out. I plan on conquering every single one.
Bird Bombed
I got crapped on while riding my bike yesterday. god Damned birds! Why can't birds sit down and poo like all the other animals?!!!
Teacher Arrested
Teacher Arrested submitted by R.P. formerly B.S.
It's kinda corny but clever.
At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator. At a morning press conference, the attorney general said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," a Justice Department spokesman said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'there are 3 sides to every triangle'."
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes".
It's kinda corny but clever.
At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator. At a morning press conference, the attorney general said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," a Justice Department spokesman said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'there are 3 sides to every triangle'."
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes".
Anonymous Lawyer
Blog of the Day: www.anonymouslawyer.blogspot.com
This blog was submitted to me by K.C.
It's a very humorous fictional journal about a greedy partner in a big law firm. I didn't think that overworked partners had time to blog, but it makes for a fun read. It's almost as funny as my blog.
You can also check out the website:
www.anonymouslawfirm.com
It reminds me of the book, "1L" because of its subject matter about the trials and tribulations of being a lawyer.
It also reminds me of the book, "Youth in Revolt" by C.D. Payne due to its hilarious sarcastic writing style and journal type entries.
If you've ever worked in a law firm, you'll get it.
This blog was submitted to me by K.C.
It's a very humorous fictional journal about a greedy partner in a big law firm. I didn't think that overworked partners had time to blog, but it makes for a fun read. It's almost as funny as my blog.
You can also check out the website:
www.anonymouslawfirm.com
It reminds me of the book, "1L" because of its subject matter about the trials and tribulations of being a lawyer.
It also reminds me of the book, "Youth in Revolt" by C.D. Payne due to its hilarious sarcastic writing style and journal type entries.
If you've ever worked in a law firm, you'll get it.
Top 100 "Facts" about Chuck Norris
These Top 100 Facts about Chuck Norris sound very suspect to me. I actually don't think he's that cool. Bruce Lee totally kicks his ass. Did you watch Bruce Lee kick Chuck Norris' ass in "Way of the Dragon"? Nevermind the fact that it was Bruce Lee's movie. I think you can pretty much insert your favorite tough-guy action hero
in place of Chuck Norris and get the same joy. I didn't know that people looked up to him so much. He seems to be over-the-hill now. Submitted by A.N.
Sorry for the lack of frequent updates lately. I've been "working hard."
1. Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
2. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
3. It is impossible to be raped by Chuck Norris because that would mean you did not want it to happen.
4. Chuck Norris never hides, he only seeks.
5. Chuck Norris' action figure has slept with more women then most men.
6. Chuck Norris can speak braille.
7. Chuck Norris has only one hand: the upper hand.
8. Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.
9. Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
10. Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
11. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
12. Chuck Norris did that to Michael Jackson's face.
13. The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.
14. Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."
15. Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn't dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.
16. The only reason Chuck Norris didn't win an Oscar for his performance in "Sidekicks" is because nobody in their right mind would willingly give Chuck Norris a blunt metal object. That's just suicide.
17. Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
18. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
19. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
20. Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
21. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
22. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
23. If you lost your virginity, Chuck Norris probably has it.
24. Objects in Chuck Norris's rear-view mirror appear at their correct distances.
25. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
26. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
27. Chuck Norris' cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
28. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
29. Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
30. Chuck Norris once had an erection while lying face down. He struck oil.
31. Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it for Chuck Norris.
32. Whenever someone is constipated, doctors send them to Chuck Norris so he can scare the shit out of them.
33. Sperm count for a normal human male ranges from 20-150 million. Chuck Norris' sperm count is only one, but it's two feet long, and wants out NOW.
34. Wilt Chamberlin claims to of slept with over 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."
35. If you try video taping Chuck Norris without his permission you will very quickly be filming the inside of your own ass.
36. The movie Anaconda was filmed in Chuck Norris' pants.
37. Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
38. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
39. Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
40. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
41. Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.
42. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.
43. Chuck Norris uses Viagra eyedrops so he can look hard.
44. There are no weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq. Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
45. Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
46. There is no Control button on Chuck Norris' computer because Chuck Norris is always in control.
47. Jawbreakers were originally in the shape of Chuck Norris' fist.
48. If you know some one who doesn't like Chuck Norris, you won't know them for long.
49. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
50. The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
51. Chuck Norris is the reason for Attention Deficit Disorder. There is no way anyone can pay attention when they know Chuck Norris is lurking.
52. When Chuck Norris visited the Vatican, he took the Pope's confession.
53. Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.
54. Chuck Norris once fell into a pool of toxic waste, and the toxic waste gained super powers.
55. When Chuck Norris exercises, the machine gets stronger.
56. Inspired by the movie Alien vs. Predator, Chuck Norris has begun work on a screen play tentatively titled, "Alien, Predator, Frankenstein, Wolfman, The Mummy, and a Whole Shitload of Vampires vs. Chuck Norris."
57. Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
58. Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
59. Chuck Norris is like corn. No matter how much shit he is in, he still comes out in one piece.
69. If you stare directly into the sun it will bring some eye problems. If you stare directly into Chuck Norris it will bring death.
70. The Surgeon General once tried to warn the public that interactions with Chuck Norris may cause a serious risk to your health, and could even result in death. Ironically, Chuck Norris responded to this warning with a fatal slow-motion roundhouse kick to the Surgeon General's jugular. No one warns Chuck Norris about Chuck Norris except Chuck Norris.
71. Ozzy Osbourne ate the head of a bat, but Chuck Norris ate Batman.
72. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked cancer so hard he gave it AIDS.
73. Chuck Norris shit his pants once in his life. That was when Chuck Norris saw a picture of Chuck Norris for the first time.
74. Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.
75. Chuck Norris thought up some of the funniest Chuck Norris facts ever, but he hasn't submitted them because he doesn't believe in any form of submission.
76. When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
77. Anything you can do Chuck Norris can do better.
78. If Chuck Norris were a flower, it wouldn't fucking matter what kind, he would still get more action than you.
79. Chuck Norris uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops.
80. We all know the magic word is please. As in the sentence, "Please don't kill me." Too bad Chuck Norris doesn't believe in magic.
81. When Chuck Norris answers the phone, he just says "Go". This is not permission for you to begin speaking, it is your cue to start running for your life.
82. Chuck Norris got in touch with his feminine side, and promptly got her pregnant.
83. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
84. Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.
85. Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".
86. Little kids enjoy lighting ants on fire with magnifying glasses. Chuck Norris enjoys lighting little kids on fire with ants. Scientists have yet to find out how this feat is achieved.
87. When Chuck Norris gets in a car crash the air bags do not save Chuck Norris, they save the car.
88. Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
89. Chuck Norris invented the internet so people could talk about how great Chuck Norris is.
90. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
91. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
92. If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's fucking beef.
93. Chuck Norris only uses one chopstick.
94. Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
95. There is three ways to do things. The right way, the wrong way and the Chuck Norris way. The Chuck Norris way is just the wrong way but with more roundhouse kicks.
96. Chuck Norris was once the F.B.I's chief negotiator. His job involved calling up criminals and saying, "This is Chuck Norris."
97. One day Chuck Norris accidentally severed his arm at the elbow while putting kittens in a wood chipper. He laughed and mocked the drummer from Def Leopard. His arm grew back in 30 minutes.
98. Chuck Norris always has the right of way.
99. As a child, Chuck Norris played Hungry Hungry Hippos with real hippos.
100. Chuck Norris once killed a bird by throwing it off a cliff.
101. The fences at the zoo are to keep the animals safe from Chuck Norris.
102. To show its patriotism, the American flag recently got a tattoo of Chuck Norris.
103. "Death by Chuck Norris" is a legal method of execution in 39 states.
104. Chuck Norris goes uphill skiing.
105. When asked why he round-house kicked an entire school of children Chuck Norris replies "I don't like Mondays." When informed that it was Tuesday he replied "I still don't like Mondays."
106. In order to speed up the wait time for death row inmates, Texas added death by roundhouse kicks to the list of acceptable methods of execution. The wait has gone down from 7 years to before you step out of the courthouse.
107. The only reason the Energizer Bunny keeps going and going is because it knows Chuck Norris is after it.
108. Jeeves asks Chuck Norris.
109. Chuck Norris can create a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. And then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who the fuck Chuck Norris is.
Chuck Norris is allowed to have 109 Top 100 Facts about Chuck Norris.
in place of Chuck Norris and get the same joy. I didn't know that people looked up to him so much. He seems to be over-the-hill now. Submitted by A.N.
Sorry for the lack of frequent updates lately. I've been "working hard."
1. Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
2. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
3. It is impossible to be raped by Chuck Norris because that would mean you did not want it to happen.
4. Chuck Norris never hides, he only seeks.
5. Chuck Norris' action figure has slept with more women then most men.
6. Chuck Norris can speak braille.
7. Chuck Norris has only one hand: the upper hand.
8. Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.
9. Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
10. Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
11. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
12. Chuck Norris did that to Michael Jackson's face.
13. The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.
14. Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."
15. Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn't dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.
16. The only reason Chuck Norris didn't win an Oscar for his performance in "Sidekicks" is because nobody in their right mind would willingly give Chuck Norris a blunt metal object. That's just suicide.
17. Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
18. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
19. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
20. Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
21. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
22. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
23. If you lost your virginity, Chuck Norris probably has it.
24. Objects in Chuck Norris's rear-view mirror appear at their correct distances.
25. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
26. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
27. Chuck Norris' cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
28. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
29. Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
30. Chuck Norris once had an erection while lying face down. He struck oil.
31. Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it for Chuck Norris.
32. Whenever someone is constipated, doctors send them to Chuck Norris so he can scare the shit out of them.
33. Sperm count for a normal human male ranges from 20-150 million. Chuck Norris' sperm count is only one, but it's two feet long, and wants out NOW.
34. Wilt Chamberlin claims to of slept with over 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."
35. If you try video taping Chuck Norris without his permission you will very quickly be filming the inside of your own ass.
36. The movie Anaconda was filmed in Chuck Norris' pants.
37. Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
38. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
39. Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
40. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
41. Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.
42. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.
43. Chuck Norris uses Viagra eyedrops so he can look hard.
44. There are no weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq. Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
45. Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
46. There is no Control button on Chuck Norris' computer because Chuck Norris is always in control.
47. Jawbreakers were originally in the shape of Chuck Norris' fist.
48. If you know some one who doesn't like Chuck Norris, you won't know them for long.
49. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
50. The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
51. Chuck Norris is the reason for Attention Deficit Disorder. There is no way anyone can pay attention when they know Chuck Norris is lurking.
52. When Chuck Norris visited the Vatican, he took the Pope's confession.
53. Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.
54. Chuck Norris once fell into a pool of toxic waste, and the toxic waste gained super powers.
55. When Chuck Norris exercises, the machine gets stronger.
56. Inspired by the movie Alien vs. Predator, Chuck Norris has begun work on a screen play tentatively titled, "Alien, Predator, Frankenstein, Wolfman, The Mummy, and a Whole Shitload of Vampires vs. Chuck Norris."
57. Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
58. Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
59. Chuck Norris is like corn. No matter how much shit he is in, he still comes out in one piece.
69. If you stare directly into the sun it will bring some eye problems. If you stare directly into Chuck Norris it will bring death.
70. The Surgeon General once tried to warn the public that interactions with Chuck Norris may cause a serious risk to your health, and could even result in death. Ironically, Chuck Norris responded to this warning with a fatal slow-motion roundhouse kick to the Surgeon General's jugular. No one warns Chuck Norris about Chuck Norris except Chuck Norris.
71. Ozzy Osbourne ate the head of a bat, but Chuck Norris ate Batman.
72. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked cancer so hard he gave it AIDS.
73. Chuck Norris shit his pants once in his life. That was when Chuck Norris saw a picture of Chuck Norris for the first time.
74. Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.
75. Chuck Norris thought up some of the funniest Chuck Norris facts ever, but he hasn't submitted them because he doesn't believe in any form of submission.
76. When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
77. Anything you can do Chuck Norris can do better.
78. If Chuck Norris were a flower, it wouldn't fucking matter what kind, he would still get more action than you.
79. Chuck Norris uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops.
80. We all know the magic word is please. As in the sentence, "Please don't kill me." Too bad Chuck Norris doesn't believe in magic.
81. When Chuck Norris answers the phone, he just says "Go". This is not permission for you to begin speaking, it is your cue to start running for your life.
82. Chuck Norris got in touch with his feminine side, and promptly got her pregnant.
83. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
84. Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.
85. Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".
86. Little kids enjoy lighting ants on fire with magnifying glasses. Chuck Norris enjoys lighting little kids on fire with ants. Scientists have yet to find out how this feat is achieved.
87. When Chuck Norris gets in a car crash the air bags do not save Chuck Norris, they save the car.
88. Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
89. Chuck Norris invented the internet so people could talk about how great Chuck Norris is.
90. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
91. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
92. If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's fucking beef.
93. Chuck Norris only uses one chopstick.
94. Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
95. There is three ways to do things. The right way, the wrong way and the Chuck Norris way. The Chuck Norris way is just the wrong way but with more roundhouse kicks.
96. Chuck Norris was once the F.B.I's chief negotiator. His job involved calling up criminals and saying, "This is Chuck Norris."
97. One day Chuck Norris accidentally severed his arm at the elbow while putting kittens in a wood chipper. He laughed and mocked the drummer from Def Leopard. His arm grew back in 30 minutes.
98. Chuck Norris always has the right of way.
99. As a child, Chuck Norris played Hungry Hungry Hippos with real hippos.
100. Chuck Norris once killed a bird by throwing it off a cliff.
101. The fences at the zoo are to keep the animals safe from Chuck Norris.
102. To show its patriotism, the American flag recently got a tattoo of Chuck Norris.
103. "Death by Chuck Norris" is a legal method of execution in 39 states.
104. Chuck Norris goes uphill skiing.
105. When asked why he round-house kicked an entire school of children Chuck Norris replies "I don't like Mondays." When informed that it was Tuesday he replied "I still don't like Mondays."
106. In order to speed up the wait time for death row inmates, Texas added death by roundhouse kicks to the list of acceptable methods of execution. The wait has gone down from 7 years to before you step out of the courthouse.
107. The only reason the Energizer Bunny keeps going and going is because it knows Chuck Norris is after it.
108. Jeeves asks Chuck Norris.
109. Chuck Norris can create a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. And then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who the fuck Chuck Norris is.
Chuck Norris is allowed to have 109 Top 100 Facts about Chuck Norris.
Saturday, June 24, 2006
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