Beowulf

I went to go see the advance movie screening of Beowulf. I thought it was an awesome visual spectacle. It's a total thrill ride. Scholars may look down upon this film because it doesn't have the haughty Old English poetry, but action movie buffs will like it a lot. The only way to see this movie is on the big screen. Once you put on the 3D glasses, you enter a world full of amazing special effects. I really liked the way they made this movie, except for people's faces. CG faces never look as good as real people, but this is the most realistic CG I've ever seen. I hope that video games strive to be like this movie in the future. All action movies should be in 3D. I thought this was the best 3D movie ever made.

Beowulf is a powerful hero who is a little bit full of himself. Aside from his ego, he really does kick ass. When he has to fight the monster Grendel, he decides to fight him naked, because Grendel doesn't have clothes either.

***Warning: Spoilers Ahead******

All my reviews contain spoilers, because I like to talk about the movie. Beowulf has to fight Grendel's mom, the beautiful and seductive demoness, Angelina Jolie. Not even the mighty Beowulf can escape the enchanting beauty of Angelina Jolie. Not Beowulf. Not even Brad Pitt. That Angelina Jolie is a homewrecker!

Beowulf's only weakness seems to be women. Or anything that looks like women. He lost a swim race because of a sexy mermaid. Giant sea monsters were no problem for him though.

In Beowulf's moment of weakness, he falls for Angelina Jolie. I don't think he could have killed her if he wanted to anyway, because swords go right through her as if she was a ghost.

Many years later, a new monster appears. It's Beowulf's bastard son, a dragon. Beowulf has to kill his dragon boy, because the dragon is hellbent on destroying mankind. Beowulf slashes the dragon's neck where his heart is. Why the heck is the dragon's heart in his neck? The dragon's heart seems to be too small to pump enough blood to the giant dragon's body too. But, we can't be too nitpicky about the details. This movie is just about the spectacular 3D effects.

After Beowulf kills his dragon boy, the dragon turns into a golden man, just like his mommy, right before he croaks. Beowulf sheds a few tears. Angelina Jolie comes to kiss Beowulf when he dies too. Beowulf's best friend becomes the new king, but Angelina Jolie, who is no angel, seems to seduce him as well to come join him in the sea.

The End.

I bet the new king follows her too. All the guys make the same mistake.

My rating: A, 91.

Highs: Gorgeous 3D special effects; great action; humorous.

Lows: Ugly CG faces; no longer a highbrow adventure of Old English tales; it's Angelina Jolie, but not really her.

Verdict: A 3D roller coaster of a movie. A must see movie in 3D.