Groaners

Prepare to groan.....

1. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony
wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

3. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you,
but don't start anything."

4. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

5. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve
food in here."

6. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

7. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A
beer please, and one for the road."

8. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this
taste funny to you?"

9.. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home'" "That
sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" Doc says "It's Not
Unusual."

10. Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly,
"I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said
Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.

11. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to
look at either.

12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed,
is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a
look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his
teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "Why!?
Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."

13. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
find any.

14. I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too
high."

15 . I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

16 . What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

17 . Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

Spammers Suck

These idiots keep posting stupid spam ads on my comments sections. The comments make no sense whatsoever and are totally irrelevant to my posts. I bet those same stupid bastards are going to post up another spam ad on this post. Pretty ironic, eh? They're going to spam my post that ridicule them. What must I do to get rid of them? They're like a virus. I guess I'm going to have to start making people register to post comments on my blog. If you post spam on my site, I'm going to upload viruses onto your computer because I can track you.






For the rest of my friends who read my site, please post some comments. I hate to admit it, but I haven't gotten any real comments since "Freepcreep". Thanks.

Test to Determine Whether You Have Color-Blindness

Click on the link to see if you suffer from any sort of color-blindness. After taking this test, I think I might have to get my eyes checked again.

Sudoku

Now that I'm videogame free, I need other types of games to stimulate my mind. I've been playing sudoku and it has been racking up my mind. You know it's the number puzzle game that is sweeping the world. It's fun, but it can be really frustrating. You can play some online games at www.websudoku.com
or click on the link above.

Some of the hard ones can be really humbling to play. I hate it when a co-worker beats me 'cuz it makes me feel like I have a lower IQ.

Videogame Free

I recently sold my modified XXXbox and Playstation 2. Now, I'm videogame free. Well, almost. I still have some computer games on our Dell computer. I spent about $700 on my XXXbox and $400 on my Playstation 2. I sold my modded Xbox to some Korean guy for $200. He got a really good deal considering it had several hundred games on it. I gave him a lot of freebies too. I sold my PS2 at Gamestop and I only got around $75 for my PS2 and all the games and stuff. When I was at Gamestop, I saw the new Xbox 360 being demonstrated on a HDTV and I totally wanted it. I got to play Call of Duty 2 and King Kong. I tried to free myself from my videogame addiction, but it looks like I'm going to have to start up again because of the next generation systems. It's really hard to quit, because games keep getting better and better. I plan on playing until I'm an old grandpa. Even when I'm a grandpa, I'd like to be playing ultraviolent games with my grandkids. "It's good to play together."-Xbox Live

Our First Wedding Anniversary

On our first wedding anniversary, Sunday, November 6, 2005, Sarah had to work until 7. She was tired so we just got some food and ate in. We also had a Happy Anniversary ice cream cake. We sang, "Happy Anniversary to You" and blew out the candles. It's cheesy, but we had a good time.

My cousin, Hae Young's baby girl. She's so cute that I had to post her picture up for the world to see. Don't you want to pinch those little adorable baby cheeks? 

Lexus Car Show

I went to the Lexus car show today with my wingman, Andy Nagai. We had a lot of fun. This show was pretty posh compared to the other car shows that I've went to. They gave us an unlimited amount of free gourmet food. I was gobbling up the food as fast as they were serving them. I got to drive the new Lexus IS 250. The waiting line for the IS 350 was too long. The IS 350 has 305 horsepower, and the IS 250 has 206 hp, but I didn't think horsepower would make too much of a difference on these short twisty test tracks, so we opted for the 250. We also drove the GS 450, BMW 330i, Mercedes E500, RX 400h hybrid, GX 470, and the ES 330. The IS and GS were the fastest, but we thought the Bimmer handled the best on the track. This was one of the nicest car shows I've been to. They even had spas to get massages, although I didn't get one. We were treated like millionaires at this event. We also got some very nice gifts too like a leather bound Zagat guide, a CD, and a nice leather bound atlas. I really pushed these cars to the limit when I was on the courses. I got another warning this time for driving too fast and recklessly, but they didn't kick me out.

Chinese Expressions

Chinese Phrase English Translation
Ai Bang Mai Ne I bumped into the coffee table
Ar U Wun Tu A gay liberation greeting
Chin Tu Fat You need a face lift
Dum Gai A stupid person
Gun Pao Der An ancient Chinese invention
Hu Flung Dung Which one of you fertilized the field?
Hu Yu Hai Ding We have reason to believe you are harboring a fugitive
Jan Ne Ka Sun A former late night talk show host
Kum Hia Approach me
Lao Ze Sho Gilligan's Island
Lao Ze Not very good
Lin Ching An illegal execution
Moon Lan Ding A great achievement of the American space program
Ne Ahn A lighting fixture used in advertising signs
Shai Gai A bashful person
Tai Ne Bae Be A premature infant
Tai Ne Po Ne A small horse
Ten Ding Ba Serving drinks to people
Wan Bum Lung A person with T.B.
Yu Mai Te Tan Your vacation in Hawaii agrees with you
Wa Shing Kah Cleaning an automobile
Wai So Dim Are you trying to save electricity?
Wai U Shao Ting There is no reason to raise your voice

Korean Jokes

These jokes are for Korean-Americans. Anyone else might not get it.


What is Korean Dracula's favorite morning beverage?
Koh-peee! (coffee)

What does the Korean bread say when it hit the wall?
Bhang!

Why is Korean toilet paper so big?
Because it's HUGE-ey!

What did the mommy Korean turkey say to her baby turkey?
Gobble ji mah!

What do you call the brown burnt rice at the bottom of the rice cooker?
bob ee brown! (Bobby Brown)

So there was this really really cute/pretty Korean girl Tragically, one day, she lost one of her ears in an accident. As she was looking out at the ocean on a bright morning along the beach, a man caught sight of her and was awed by her stunning beauty. He could not see that she had only one ear, as her long hair ran luxuriously down the sides of her head. Boldly, he approached the young woman wanting to start some kind of conversation, anything, just to talk to her, so he said, "ah, kee uhb dah!

One day Will Smith and his Korean friend went to a Korean restaurant.
The Korean guy ordered rice with kimchi chigae. Will Smith didn't know what to get, so he said to come back later. The Korean guy went to the bathroom after he ordered.
Then the waiter came to Will Smith and asked him what he would like to order. Will Smith said, "yea I want a bowl of rice."
The waiter then asked, "what would you like with that?" and Will Smith said, "yea...I want chigae with it" so when the friend got back he asked what Will Smith got with his bowl of rice and Will Smith said " gettin chigae with it"

A rabbi is sitting on an airplane next to a Korean guy. After they have been flying together in silence for a while, the rabbi leans over and says, "You know, I've never forgiven you Chinese for what you did at Pearl Harbor."
The Korean looks shocked and replies, "What the hell are you talking about?!?!? It was the Japanese the bombed Pearl Harbor, not the Chinese. And besides, I'm not Chinese or Japanese, I'm Korean!"
The rabbi says, " Korean, Japanese, Chinese, what's the difference?"
A little while later, the Korean man says, "You know, I've never forgiven you Jews for sinking the Titanic." The rabbi looks confused and mad and says, "What are you talking about? The Jews didn't have anything to do with that! An iceberg sank the Titanic!"
The Korean guy replies, "Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, what's the difference?"


There was this Russian guy, this Spanish guy and this Korean guy all in the same ESL class. The teacher told them to make a sentence using the word 'hostess' for homework.
So the next day the Russian guy goes "Oh I have a good sentence. The hostess was very courteous." And the teacher said "Wow that was really good!"
The Spanish guy goes, "Oh I have a better sentence. My mother is a good hostess when others come over." Then the teacher said, "Wow that was really good!"
Finally the Korean guy goes, "I have the best sentence. When my mother answers the phone, she says hostess?"

There was this Spanish guy, this Korean guy and this Russian guy all working for the same construction company. At the beginning of the day the boss comes out and says to the Spanish guy, "You're in charge of the cement."
Then he said to the Russian guy, "You're in charge of the dirt."
Then he said to the Korean guy, "You're in charge of the supplies."
Then he said, "I'm gonna be back at the end of the day to check on your work. It better be good or you're fired."
So they all go off to go get their work done.
At the end of the day, the boss comes back to check on their work. He looks at the big pile of cement and goes, "Good work," to the Spanish guy. Then he looks at the big pile of dirt and says, "Good work," to the Russian guy. Then he couldn't find the Korean guy so he asks, "Where the heck is the Korean guy??"
All of a sudden, the Korean guy jumps out from behind the big pile of dirt and yells, " SUPPLIES!"

The Restroom Walls Have Ears

@#$%! I'm so pissed off because I have to write this dang post again. Stupid Blogger erased my first post.

Anyway, here it goes again.

Have you ever noticed that when people think they are alone they start talking to themselves out loud? Sometimes when I'm in one of the stalls in the restroom at work trying to go poo, some people walk in the bathroom and start talking to themselves. As I've mentioned in my previous post entitled "Bathroom Humor", I try to fart as quietly as possible when other people are in the bathroom, but not at home. Anyway, I must be so quiet that people don't realize I'm in there.



There's this one co-worker (whose name I will not reveal at this time) who keeps saying "2. . . 2, 4, 6, 8, 10, 11, 12" over and over again while he's washing his hands. He has some crazy hand-washing ritual. He washes his hands several times a day for at least 5 minutes long each time. Ouch! He could wash his hands raw doing it that long! He also uses paper towels to open door handles. I've noticed that there are a lot of paper towels on the bathroom floor near the door. He must be a germaphobe, but he's a messy one. I've also noticed that he pees on the toilet instead of the urinals. He has really bad aim for a germaphobe. I have to clean up after his piss whenever I have to use the toilet. I clean up the toilet, the ground next to it, and put at least 2 toilet cover sheets on it. Yuck! Maybe that's why he washes his hands so much.

Another guy kept saying "Oh yeah, she's hot" while he was micturating. It's easy to know what he was thinking about!

I'm not saying that I'm not guilty of talking out loud when I thought I was alone. One time, when I was interning at the Court of Appeals in San Diego, I heard this female attorney say "I can hear you, you know". I was in the breakroom kitchen and I thought I was alone. I didn't check the break room itself. I became really embarassed. I had no idea what I was saying out loud. People must subconsciously talk out loud when they think they're alone.

I try not to embarass other people by keeping really quiet until they leave the restroom. I don't even make any noise by trying to wipe my butt by getting out the toilet paper. If they realize someone else is in there, they might get really embarassed. I stay in the stall until they leave the restroom. That way we can avoid any embarassing eye contact.

Since I'm on the subject of talking about coworkers, I'm really irritated with Brian Greenwood right now. He moonlights as a rockstar and I've even went to one of his concerts. I'm upset, because he says, "David Kim" and variations of my name a thousand times a day. I'm being serious too. He really says it every minute while I'm at work. I guess it all started the first day of work when he said, "David Kim" and I responded by saying "Hey, Brian". I guess he liked our little routine so much, he kept saying it ever since. One's name is supposed to be music to one's ears, but not when he says it. He's annoying as fingernails going down a chalkboard all day long every single day. Even with my saintly patience, I'm beginning to get majorly pissed off. Brian Greewood, if you're reading this post, shut the hell up!!!!!!!!!!!! I like the guy so I don't want to hurt his feelings. He also keeps asking me the same questions every single minute like "What are you eating for dinner tonight?" or "What are you doing tonight?" I'm trying to ignore him, but I keep hearing him say my name because he sits right next to me. He also thinks he's hilarious when he rapidly turns the lightswitch in one of the rooms on and off repeatedly. He says work is driving him crazy but he's making my blood pressure rise sky high. I liked my job because I didn't think it was too stressful, but now I'm getting really agitated.



Shut the @#$% up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Deep Observations on Life

Some of these are funny. Some suck.

1) When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who died
peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the
passengers in his car."
--Author Unknown
2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you
get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle:
"Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children."
--Author Unknown
3) "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a
support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they
meet at the bar."
--Drew Carey
4) "The problem with the designated driver program, it's
not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into
doing it, have fun with it At the end of the night,
drop them off at the wrong house."

--Jeff Foxworthy
5) "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball
and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the
infant's life without even considering if there is a man on
base."
--Dave Barry
6) "Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and
we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend
wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice.
There should be given severance pay, the day before they leave
you, they should have to find you a temp."
--Bob Ettinger

7) "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in
the lake and threw her off the boat I said, "Mom, they weren't
trying to teach you how to swim.'"
--Paula Poundstone
8) "A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal
skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: "Duh."
--Conan O'Brien
9) "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway
through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God.... I could be eating
a slow learner."
--Lynda Montgomery
10) "I think that's how Chicago got started. Bunch of people in New
York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just
isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'"
--Richard Jeni
11) "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the
impersonators would be dead."
--Johnny Carson
12) "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
--Paul Rodriguez
13) "My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty
and that's the law."
--Jerry Seinfeld
14) "Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of
fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest
to tallest What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn
slower?"
--Warren Hutcherson
15) "Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the
same."
--Oscar Wilde
16) "Suppose you were an idiot ... And suppose you were a member of
Congress... But I repeat myself."
--Mark Twain
17) "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At
least they can find Afghanistan."
--A. Whitney Brown
18) "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
--Billy Crystal
19) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give
you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've
thought of that!'"
--Dave Barry

20) Do you know why they call it "PMS"? Because "Mad Cow Disease"
was taken.
--Unknown, presumed deceased

Upcoming First Wedding Anniversary

Our first wedding anniversary is coming up on November 6, 2005. What should I do for our anniversary? I heard the first anniversary is paper. What am I supposed to give her? A piece of paper? I could do that. I was thinking of taking her somewhere nice like a romantic getaway, but she is working this weekend. I guess I'll just give her a piece of paper and take her to Mickey D's.

These wedding pictures were taken by Kyung Ha. For some dang reason I can't upload them to my Yahoo Photo Album so I'll have to upload a few of them to my blog. Computers-they're a love/hate thing. You love them for what they can do, and you hate them whenever something goes wrong. 

The bridal party 

Sae Woon's family 

Don't kiss my sister!!!! Just kidding. You may now kiss the bride. 

The newlyweds 

The happy couple