Ultraviolet

Combine the worst parts from all the latest kick-ass heroine-type movies and you get this piece of crap for a film. AtrociousViolet or should I say Uh-trociousviolet?

It starts off with an interesting premise. In a dystopian future, some people who are infected with a disease of the blood that turns people into "hemophages", that is, vampires, suffer persecution (immediate termination) from a fascist government. However, the movie suffers from exceedingly bad execution. The action is totally unrealistic. The fight scenes look like they're merely practicing their choreography instead of actually fighting. There is way too much fake looking CGI. What's up with the constant inexplicable changes in colors to her hair and outfits? There was no explanation for how or why colors just suddenly change.

There's a lot of action in the movie, but unfortunately, none of it is good.

This movie totally plagarizes from other femme fatale movies and mixes them all together. There is nothing original about the movie.

In example of some of the profound dialogue in the movie goes something like:

Hemophage vampire 1: How can you hope to defeat us? We're as strong as you...

Homophage vamp 2: . . .we're as fast as you. . .

Violet Song jat Shariff: ...but are you one-tenth as *pissed off* as I am?


Evil Daxus: I've got 700 men? What do you think you can do?

Violet: I can kill them.

All the lines in the movie sounded really corny.

They even seemed to have copied Star Wars' type weapons. In the movie, there are swords that extend out like lightsabers. They're metal swords but they appear from nowhere at the flick of the wrist. Apparently, they're some sort of hi-tech stuff that have programs that can be stored within human bodies. Violet keeps all sorts of weapons and modules in her body. She just pushes them into her leg and they're just stored inside her. Evidently, hemophages are like computer hardware where you can just insert add-ons into them.

In Violet's (Milla Jovovich) first mission, she has to obtain a briefcase. She's supposed to not let the bad guys get their hands on it. She can't compromise herself by looking at what's inside either. Curiosity gets the best of her and she opens it. There's a boy inside. What awesome technology! The sooner we discover magic the better I say.

At first, they think that the boy is the cure for the hemophages with all of his antigens. Then, they think he is a weapon to destroy the homophages. At the final battle with the sinister Draxus, she finds out that he is really a weapon to destroy humans because of over-population.

Draxus the bad guy looks like such a dork with his noseplugs.

In the last battle with Draxus, Violet finds out that Draxus is really a vampire too. He can see in complete darkness, but Violet (UV) can't see in the dark. Somehow, she sets her magically appearing sword and lights it on fire. They have a flaming sword fight in the dark and she chops him up into flaming BBQ pieces.

What's up with vampires that walk in sunlight but that can't see in the dark? I know Dracula. And you sir are no Dracula.

UV became a vampire because she was infected with the blood disease awhile ago and she turned into a hemophage. The government then killed her fetus while she was still pregnant. She becomes so pissed off that nothing can stop her on her quest for revenge.

Hemophages are vampires with superhuman powers, but they're also sick at the same time. What's so bad about having a disease where you're more powerful than regular humans? I think I can tolerate the occassional projectile vomiting if I could wipe out an entire army of men with my vampire skills and not get injured.

UV starts taking care of the little boy called 6U or just plain Six, for short. I guess her maternal instincts take over and she wants to protect him and be a surrogate mother. Draxus wants to get him back because he wants to use 6's blood to destroy humankind. Apparently, their technology was so good that people were living too long. He did his job too well and now he wants to make amends. But, he has even further sinister plans in mind. After he spreads the deadly disease across the world, whoever wants the antigens will have to come crawling to him in order to get the cure.

There are several cross symbols and resurrection themes. UV's tears somehow resurrect the boy when everyone thought he croaked. His skin looked like it was dissolving away to me.

UV also dies sometime in the middle of the movie, but gets resurrected by a vampire doctor. She doesn't want to live because she lost all hope. But, Dr. Vamp believes that she is the only one to save the world.

When she infiltrates Draxus' fortress, the computer with the female voice that checks her for weapons as she walks in says, "Weapons found . . .many." What kind of computer says that? It can't even count.

This movie can only be liked by the most immature of sci-fi fans.

This movie seemed to have ripped off a lot of other movies.

It stole Catwoman the movie's suckiness. It's very similar to Aeon Flux. She stole Jennifer Garner's looks from the Alias. She stole Electra's kick-ass abilities. The movie stole Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow's looks, but the unrealistic CGI really made the movie look crappy. They stole Star War's extending swords. It also borrows from the Matrix's themes and fighting styles. It's based on the Ultraviolet comic book series. The revenge theme and kill tons of bad guys theme is also reminescent of Kill Bill. It also got its themes from Underworld with Kate Beckinsale as the werewolf slaying vampiress.

Milla Jovovich likes to star in movies where she gets to show off her athletic prowess and bare midriff in minimalist costumes like in Resident Evil and The Fifth Element. I liked The Fifth Element a lot better than this turd.

The Highs: Milla Jovovich looks nice.

The Lows: The script is absolutely terrible. So is the acting, CGI, direction, writing, dialogue, and action.

The Verdict: What do you get when you put all the action movie heroines in a blender and mix them all up?

My rating: F, 33.