I just finished reading Star Wars: The New Jedi Order: Vector Prime, by R. A. Salvatore. I thought that the book was pretty good. The story involves the original Star Wars cast and, of course, some new people.
The main new Jedi include Han Solo and Princess Leia's kids. They have three teenagers who are strong with the Force. Jaina and Jacen are twins. Jaina is a totally cocky girl Jedi who's the best pilot in the galaxy. Jacen is very philosophical about the meaning of the Force. The youngest, Anakin, is fifteen. He's headstrong like his grandfather.
There's also Luke Skywalker's wife, Mara Jade Skywalker, who is powerful with the Force as well. Unfortunately, she's been poisoned. She uses the Force to hold off the poison from completely killing her right away.
There's also some new Jedi who are roaming the galaxy. They're kind of like wild west heros that do whatever they think is best. Luke is attempting to rebuild the Jedi Council in order to unite and organize the Jedi.
There's a strange new enemy that our heros encounter in this story, the Yuuzhan Vong. They're organic beings that hate technology. They're blindly religious and seem to be a warlike society. They abhor droids because they believe they're a blasphemy against their organic ways of living. These Yuuzhan Vong are not Vietnamese, but they're strange humanoid beings that only use organic things as weapons and ships.
It's amazing how all the Star Wars books are so cohesive. All the writers seem to know the history of all the characters from all the other Star Wars novels. This really makes the Star Wars universe seem real. I guess they don't want to piss off any nerdy fans who point out every single error at those dorky Star Wars Celebration conventions.
Personally, I liked the Timothy Zahn novels, The Thrawn Trilogy, better. It included the books, Heir to the Throne, Dark Force Rising, and The Last Command. That series takes place about 9 years after Episode IV: A New Hope. I really relived my Star Wars moments with those books since it had all my favorite characters.
Even though the books are amazing, I still love the Star Wars movies more. Star Wars is meant to be a cinematic experience. The special effects are supposed to blow you away. With the books, you have to use your imagination and memories from the past movies to make the books fun.
Nevertheless, it was cool to see my favorite characters again and read about their other adventures. Han, Leia, and Luke seem to be getting old now though.
What I don't like about Star Wars books and science fiction and fantasy books, in general, is reading all those strange names. It's almost like learning a new fake language.
The biggest surprise in this book is that our beloved Chewbacca dies. A lot of nerds were outraged by this and actually sent death threat letters to R. A. Salvatore.
What I didn't like about the book was reading about teenage Jedi angst.
I love Star Wars. I think it's my favorite movie series. I wish I didn't chop off my Star Wars action figures' heads when I was a kid though. After I had battles with my action figures, I chopped their heads off. I pretended that Darth Vader killed Yoda and chopped off his head. Then I pretended that Luke chopped off Vader's head. I kept doing it one day, until I chopped all their heads off. In the end, everyone died. I buried them in my backyard in La Canada. I wonder if the new owners found all my buried Star Wars action figures with missing heads. No wonder my parents never bought me any toys. I always had to make my own paper action figures and ships after that.
I recommend reading Vector Prime to all you Star Wars fans. If you want to read it, let me know. I'll send you a copy.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Bride and Prejudice
This is a modern Indian musical comedy version of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice. If this sounds intriguing, then go ahead and see it. If it sounds scary, then run away.
The first dance and musical number is like an Indian "You Got Served" routine. A bunch of guys do a mix of traditional Indian dancing and hip hop.
The movie is very colorful. It almost looks technicolor with all the bright colors.
The story's just like the Pride and Prejudice storyline. Even the main guy's name, Darcy, is the same. This movie sticks pretty closely to the original script, but it does have its obvious differences.
This is a more humorous light-hearted version of Pride and Prejudice. Since I saw Keira Knightley in Pride and Prejudice recently, I can compare and contrast pretty easily.
This movie is like an Indian English musical. It's full of song and dance. It's basically a total chick flick. I can't imagine any straight guy wanting to see this. I just watched this because I thought my wife would like it since she likes romance comedies.
The movie is pretty comical, goofy, and cheesey. I thought the corny jokes pretty much saved this movie from being a total disaster.
The traditional whiny high-pitched Indian music was really irritating like laughter from that nerdy Steve Erkel from the old tv show, Family Matters.
And what was up with the cross-dressing Indian singers in one dance number?
All the Indians sounded like Apu from The Simpsons.
The funniest guy in the movie is the sleazy Indian guy, Kholi. At first, the mother tried to set up Lalita up with him. He had a lot of corny lines. At dinner, he says he came back to India from America to find companionship. While he smilingly says, "No life without wife," he sticks up his middle finger that has a ring on it.
What's up with all these songs? Did they try to make an Indian version of Grease?
I thought some of the quirkiest scenes gave it some charm. The movie is worth watching if only to compare it to other versions of Pride and Prejudice.
When the third sister did her cobra dance, she cracked me up. She started doing an Indian belly dance and pretended to "cobra strike" everyone who was watching. After the movie ended, I started doing the cobra dance for Sarah. That was fun.
The movie had good scenery of India, England, and America.
I thought it was funny when the mother was looking up Indianmatchmaking.com to set her daughters up.
The four daughters were always home. Didn't they have schools or jobs in these modern times?
The movie was a good lesson in Indian culture too.
The acting was not very good at all. I thought it was very contrived. Darcy and Lolita acted like they were pretending to hate each other in the beginning. It was obvious that the conversations were unnatural and scripted. The conversations didn't flow very well. They got angry over conversations that clearly wasn't theirs. As they tried to stick as closely to a 200 year old script as possible, it didn't work well, especially in terms of their conversations. Their conversations made it seem like they were fighting, but they didn't act that way at all. The acting was okay once they started acting like they cared for each other.
The Indian women in the movie were very attractive. They were fair and light-skinned. Thankfully, most of the girls were hot and didn't look like their mother.
For some reason, I could understand what they were saying with their Indian accents better than in Pride and Prejudice with their thick British accents. When people talk too fast, I can't understand what they're saying in movies, especially when the sound editing is poorly done.
The movie isn't too bad after you get through the painfully bad first half of the film.
The good: Light-hearted fun, beautiful Indian girls, goofy comedy, very colorful.
The bad: Whiny Indian music, annoying songs, chick flick, abhorrent acting in the first half of the movie.
The verdict: Watch this with your Indian lover tonight.
My rating: C, 71.
The first dance and musical number is like an Indian "You Got Served" routine. A bunch of guys do a mix of traditional Indian dancing and hip hop.
The movie is very colorful. It almost looks technicolor with all the bright colors.
The story's just like the Pride and Prejudice storyline. Even the main guy's name, Darcy, is the same. This movie sticks pretty closely to the original script, but it does have its obvious differences.
This is a more humorous light-hearted version of Pride and Prejudice. Since I saw Keira Knightley in Pride and Prejudice recently, I can compare and contrast pretty easily.
This movie is like an Indian English musical. It's full of song and dance. It's basically a total chick flick. I can't imagine any straight guy wanting to see this. I just watched this because I thought my wife would like it since she likes romance comedies.
The movie is pretty comical, goofy, and cheesey. I thought the corny jokes pretty much saved this movie from being a total disaster.
The traditional whiny high-pitched Indian music was really irritating like laughter from that nerdy Steve Erkel from the old tv show, Family Matters.
And what was up with the cross-dressing Indian singers in one dance number?
All the Indians sounded like Apu from The Simpsons.
The funniest guy in the movie is the sleazy Indian guy, Kholi. At first, the mother tried to set up Lalita up with him. He had a lot of corny lines. At dinner, he says he came back to India from America to find companionship. While he smilingly says, "No life without wife," he sticks up his middle finger that has a ring on it.
What's up with all these songs? Did they try to make an Indian version of Grease?
I thought some of the quirkiest scenes gave it some charm. The movie is worth watching if only to compare it to other versions of Pride and Prejudice.
When the third sister did her cobra dance, she cracked me up. She started doing an Indian belly dance and pretended to "cobra strike" everyone who was watching. After the movie ended, I started doing the cobra dance for Sarah. That was fun.
The movie had good scenery of India, England, and America.
I thought it was funny when the mother was looking up Indianmatchmaking.com to set her daughters up.
The four daughters were always home. Didn't they have schools or jobs in these modern times?
The movie was a good lesson in Indian culture too.
The acting was not very good at all. I thought it was very contrived. Darcy and Lolita acted like they were pretending to hate each other in the beginning. It was obvious that the conversations were unnatural and scripted. The conversations didn't flow very well. They got angry over conversations that clearly wasn't theirs. As they tried to stick as closely to a 200 year old script as possible, it didn't work well, especially in terms of their conversations. Their conversations made it seem like they were fighting, but they didn't act that way at all. The acting was okay once they started acting like they cared for each other.
The Indian women in the movie were very attractive. They were fair and light-skinned. Thankfully, most of the girls were hot and didn't look like their mother.
For some reason, I could understand what they were saying with their Indian accents better than in Pride and Prejudice with their thick British accents. When people talk too fast, I can't understand what they're saying in movies, especially when the sound editing is poorly done.
The movie isn't too bad after you get through the painfully bad first half of the film.
The good: Light-hearted fun, beautiful Indian girls, goofy comedy, very colorful.
The bad: Whiny Indian music, annoying songs, chick flick, abhorrent acting in the first half of the movie.
The verdict: Watch this with your Indian lover tonight.
My rating: C, 71.
Monday, March 06, 2006
Sarah and Mikey Running with the Dogs
Here's a short and boring clip of Sarah and Mikey running with the dogs on their way to the top of the prayer mountain. We went up there on Saturday, March 4, 2006.
I had a hard time keeping up with them.
Mikey meets some dogs at the christian retreat center. On Saturday, Sarah, Mikey, and Sarah's mom went to the prayer mountain (Kidowon) in Riverside County off Indian Truck Trail on the I-15 near Corona. We went there to pray, but I got super tired afterwards. Perhaps, it was because I carried Mikey on my shoulders all the way to the top of the mountain.
Munich
An important piece of film that should be seen by everyone.
I thought that this film should have received an Oscar.
This thought-provoking film examines the terrorist attacks on the Israeli Olympic team during the 1972 summer games.
The film is loosely adapted from the book, Vengeance, by George Jonas.
This is Steven Spielberg's greatest and most important work since Schindler's List.
Eric Bana plays the son of an Israeli hero who is commissioned to kill the Palestinian terrorists responsible for the massacre. Bana is the leader of four other guys who were chosen to carry out the mission. The movie feels like a real life Mission: Impossible.
The movie, however, is very compelling. We can see that the small team of five is very patriotic in the beginning. They also seem reluctant to kill another human life. After their first kill, they seem to be losing their reluctance. They seem to become jaded and tougher. They still continue to struggle though. After watching the news, they can see that more Israelis are being killed in retaliation for their killings of the Palestinians.
Are they doing the right thing? Are they accomplishing anything? Will this help peace or make things worse?
We can see that Bana had to choose between serving his country and being with his pregnant wife who was about to give birth to their baby girl. We see the internal turmoils he was going through as he traveled most of Europe in hunting down the killers. He broke down in tears as he heard his baby daughter say, "Dada" over the phone.
Killing Palestinians was also a very expensive endeavor. It costed about $300,000 per kill. Most of the money went to a seedy French mafia who provided the intelligence to them.
Towards the end, we can see Bana breaking down with paranoia. He's worried that someone is hunting him and his family down.
This movie is great in that it shows the human drama behind what must have happened. They even showed some of the Palestinians' side of why they were killing Israelites. The Palestinians felt that they were being killed by the Israelites. They want to set up a country of their own, Palestine. Israel didn't have a country of their own for many years. Palestinians are going through the same thing now that Israel went through before.
This movie wonderfully displays the consequences of kiling. We see that killing is not the answer. Revenge only breeds more revenge. Things seem to only escalate after each killing.
The good: Powerful, thought-provoking.
The bad: Went a little long. The story may have been too dramatized.
The verdict: An important piece of work that shows the consequences of killing.
My rating: A, 92.
I thought that this film should have received an Oscar.
This thought-provoking film examines the terrorist attacks on the Israeli Olympic team during the 1972 summer games.
The film is loosely adapted from the book, Vengeance, by George Jonas.
This is Steven Spielberg's greatest and most important work since Schindler's List.
Eric Bana plays the son of an Israeli hero who is commissioned to kill the Palestinian terrorists responsible for the massacre. Bana is the leader of four other guys who were chosen to carry out the mission. The movie feels like a real life Mission: Impossible.
The movie, however, is very compelling. We can see that the small team of five is very patriotic in the beginning. They also seem reluctant to kill another human life. After their first kill, they seem to be losing their reluctance. They seem to become jaded and tougher. They still continue to struggle though. After watching the news, they can see that more Israelis are being killed in retaliation for their killings of the Palestinians.
Are they doing the right thing? Are they accomplishing anything? Will this help peace or make things worse?
We can see that Bana had to choose between serving his country and being with his pregnant wife who was about to give birth to their baby girl. We see the internal turmoils he was going through as he traveled most of Europe in hunting down the killers. He broke down in tears as he heard his baby daughter say, "Dada" over the phone.
Killing Palestinians was also a very expensive endeavor. It costed about $300,000 per kill. Most of the money went to a seedy French mafia who provided the intelligence to them.
Towards the end, we can see Bana breaking down with paranoia. He's worried that someone is hunting him and his family down.
This movie is great in that it shows the human drama behind what must have happened. They even showed some of the Palestinians' side of why they were killing Israelites. The Palestinians felt that they were being killed by the Israelites. They want to set up a country of their own, Palestine. Israel didn't have a country of their own for many years. Palestinians are going through the same thing now that Israel went through before.
This movie wonderfully displays the consequences of kiling. We see that killing is not the answer. Revenge only breeds more revenge. Things seem to only escalate after each killing.
The good: Powerful, thought-provoking.
The bad: Went a little long. The story may have been too dramatized.
The verdict: An important piece of work that shows the consequences of killing.
My rating: A, 92.
Me, Myself, and Irene
A funny Jim Carrey comedy that showcases his two personalities.
I can't say that I subscribe to Carrey's line of physical comedy, but sometimes the hijinks he gets into are freakin' hilarious.
In this film, Carrey's beautiful wife runs off their chauffeur they hired for their wedding. Carrey's a Rhode Island State Trooper who lives in a tiny house. His wife happens to be the President of the Mensa Society. The African-American midget chauffeur says that he's also in Mensa. Carrey's wife falls in love with the genius midget and they run off together. Carrey is left taking care of the half-black triplets fathered by the midget. I have to get those t-shirts with a picture of Sarah for me and one with a picture of me for Sarah. That'd be great.
After years of taking in people's abuse without sticking up for himself, he finally cracks. His mind develops a second personality that is rude and aggressive, named Hank. His nice guy self is named Charlie. Everyone takes advantage of Charlie's niceness. Even a little girl tells him to "@#$% off!"
Anyway, Charlie is told to escort Renee Zellweger, who is followed by bad guys that are trying to kill her.
This movie is a good blend of Jim Carrey's two styles of comedy. Charlie represents the nice Jim Carrey like in the movies, The Truman Show and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
Hank represents Carrey's more physical humor side like in The Mask and The Pet Detective. I wasn't into Carrey's movies until I saw The Pet Detective. I still remember cracking up hysterically when he came out the rear end of the rhinoceros machine. He was in the serengetti and he started getting really hot. He takes off all his clothes. He tries to get out, but the handle inside breaks. He finds a small hole in the machine and struggles to get out. The family that was on safari thought that a rhino just gave birth to Jim Carrey. That was great.
I didn't really like Hank, but he did make for some funny scenes. Hank pushes a breast-feeding infant out of the way and starts breast-feeding from the baby's mother.
There were some stupid things in the movie like his genius half-black triplets. First of all, they didn't look like triplets. They didn't look half white. All they did was say the "F" word every other word. It was a lame running gag that should have been terminated a lot sooner.
Carrey was a crazy Jekyll and Hyde who kept fighting with himself most of the movie.
The bad guys were also really stupid. Bad guys in movies never make any sense. Sometimes, they can kill a ton of innocent people within seconds, but they can't kill the good guys with a gun. In the train scene, Carrey fights with the main bad guy and gets beat up. Zellweger grabs a dildo from her bag and knocks the bad guy out. How the heck is that possible? I have no first hand experience with one, believe me, but it seems like a dildo is just a rubbery plastic thingamajig. --Hardly something that can knock out a bad guy.
Also, when the bad guy grabs Zellweger in the last scene, he takes her out to a bridge to kill her. If all he wanted to do was kill her, why didn't he just shoot her? Carrey manages to get close enough to the bad guy to grab his gun. Carrey then gets his thumb blown off. Why didn't the bad guy just shoot him sooner? Movie villains are so dumb.
The Good: Hilarious scenes. It's a great "feel good" movie.
The Bad: A lot of dumb scenes and even dumber bad guys.
The Verdict: Another funny Farrelly Brothers and Jim Carrey movie.
My rating: B, 86.
I can't say that I subscribe to Carrey's line of physical comedy, but sometimes the hijinks he gets into are freakin' hilarious.
In this film, Carrey's beautiful wife runs off their chauffeur they hired for their wedding. Carrey's a Rhode Island State Trooper who lives in a tiny house. His wife happens to be the President of the Mensa Society. The African-American midget chauffeur says that he's also in Mensa. Carrey's wife falls in love with the genius midget and they run off together. Carrey is left taking care of the half-black triplets fathered by the midget. I have to get those t-shirts with a picture of Sarah for me and one with a picture of me for Sarah. That'd be great.
After years of taking in people's abuse without sticking up for himself, he finally cracks. His mind develops a second personality that is rude and aggressive, named Hank. His nice guy self is named Charlie. Everyone takes advantage of Charlie's niceness. Even a little girl tells him to "@#$% off!"
Anyway, Charlie is told to escort Renee Zellweger, who is followed by bad guys that are trying to kill her.
This movie is a good blend of Jim Carrey's two styles of comedy. Charlie represents the nice Jim Carrey like in the movies, The Truman Show and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
Hank represents Carrey's more physical humor side like in The Mask and The Pet Detective. I wasn't into Carrey's movies until I saw The Pet Detective. I still remember cracking up hysterically when he came out the rear end of the rhinoceros machine. He was in the serengetti and he started getting really hot. He takes off all his clothes. He tries to get out, but the handle inside breaks. He finds a small hole in the machine and struggles to get out. The family that was on safari thought that a rhino just gave birth to Jim Carrey. That was great.
I didn't really like Hank, but he did make for some funny scenes. Hank pushes a breast-feeding infant out of the way and starts breast-feeding from the baby's mother.
There were some stupid things in the movie like his genius half-black triplets. First of all, they didn't look like triplets. They didn't look half white. All they did was say the "F" word every other word. It was a lame running gag that should have been terminated a lot sooner.
Carrey was a crazy Jekyll and Hyde who kept fighting with himself most of the movie.
The bad guys were also really stupid. Bad guys in movies never make any sense. Sometimes, they can kill a ton of innocent people within seconds, but they can't kill the good guys with a gun. In the train scene, Carrey fights with the main bad guy and gets beat up. Zellweger grabs a dildo from her bag and knocks the bad guy out. How the heck is that possible? I have no first hand experience with one, believe me, but it seems like a dildo is just a rubbery plastic thingamajig. --Hardly something that can knock out a bad guy.
Also, when the bad guy grabs Zellweger in the last scene, he takes her out to a bridge to kill her. If all he wanted to do was kill her, why didn't he just shoot her? Carrey manages to get close enough to the bad guy to grab his gun. Carrey then gets his thumb blown off. Why didn't the bad guy just shoot him sooner? Movie villains are so dumb.
The Good: Hilarious scenes. It's a great "feel good" movie.
The Bad: A lot of dumb scenes and even dumber bad guys.
The Verdict: Another funny Farrelly Brothers and Jim Carrey movie.
My rating: B, 86.
Friday, March 03, 2006
Do You Guys Think I Should Be a Movie Critic?
What do you guys think of my movie reviews? Do you think I'm good enough to be a movie critic? I think that would be my dream job--just watching movies all the time and telling you what I think about them. That might be my next career. I'm not sure if it's my tendency for escapism or if it's just my natural talent.
I'm just getting over my food poision-induced nausea. I'm feeling much better than before. Tuesday was the longest day I've ever had. I don't think anyone else would force themself to go to work if they were as sick as I was that day. I was throwing up and feeling really nasty. I could hardly hold my head up. My back started hurting because I couldn't even sit up straight at my desk. I had to stay at work 'til late since I went to the doctor's during the day too.
I'm still not 100%. I'm still having all my symptoms that I've been having lately. My wrist hurts from my skateboard accident. My leg and hip is all scabby. I still have to wake up several times in the middle of the night to go pee and I have IBS symptoms. I feel like I've had to struggle all my life. Ever since I was a kid, I've had to struggle a lot more than others just to get by. Woe is me.
I'm just getting over my food poision-induced nausea. I'm feeling much better than before. Tuesday was the longest day I've ever had. I don't think anyone else would force themself to go to work if they were as sick as I was that day. I was throwing up and feeling really nasty. I could hardly hold my head up. My back started hurting because I couldn't even sit up straight at my desk. I had to stay at work 'til late since I went to the doctor's during the day too.
I'm still not 100%. I'm still having all my symptoms that I've been having lately. My wrist hurts from my skateboard accident. My leg and hip is all scabby. I still have to wake up several times in the middle of the night to go pee and I have IBS symptoms. I feel like I've had to struggle all my life. Ever since I was a kid, I've had to struggle a lot more than others just to get by. Woe is me.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Sahara
Where do I start with this stinker of a movie?
Sorry to say, but Sahara was a boring adventure. And "boring adventure" is an oxymoron. An adventure, by its definition, is an exciting undertaking. This movie was about as fun as watching a lecture about the proper ways to worship Allah and Mohammed. I hope I don't get burned alive in a protest over my metaphor.
Basically, the story is about Matthew McConaughey looking for an old Civil War ironclad warship called the CSS Texas that dissappeared about 150 years ago. McConaughey believes it's lost somewhere in the Sahara Desert and goes there to find it. Along the way, he hooks up with Penelope Cruz, a World Health Organization ("WHO") doctor who is trying to find out the source of a plague that is rapidly killing people in Nigeria. The movie is based on a novel of the same name.
The movie starts off with a scene of the CSS Texas in a Civil War battle. Then, it cuts into the opening credits with some really awful music. Nothing exciting happens for the first 40 minutes of the movie. I'm being totally serious. I kept watching it hoping that something interesting will happen. There was a decent boat chase scene after the first 40 minutes. Then, another series of long boring conversations ensued that put me to sleep.
The music in the movie sucked. It had no congruent theme. Sometimes, it played Nigerian tribal music, other times, it had random music from bad bands. I was hoping that this movie was going to be similar to Indiana Jones. Boy, was I disappointed.
I noticed that an epic adventure movie needs catchy theme music like Indiana Jones. Whenever you hear the music from Indiana Jones, you instantly recognize it and reminisce about your fond moments from the film. In this movie, and most movies you see today, you can hardly remember any of the music from the movie. Music is extremely important to building a memorable cinematic experience.
The acting was fine. I just thought the script and timing of the movie reeked. This Indiana Jones wannabe was neither fun nor funny. The first half of the movie was too serious and somber. Penelope was worried about people dying from a strange new disease. McConaughey blabbed on about why he believed the CSS Texas is lost in Nigeria. Geez, they spent a heck of a long time setting up the story, and then the second half of the movie turned out to be a ridiculous, mindless, nonsensical tale.
There were just a few decent action sequences. But we all know that a few good scenes does not a good action adventure film make.
The train heist by camelback was like a wild west train robbery Nigerian style. That was ok. The movie has somewhat satisfactory action scenes between the long periods of boredom. But, even the supposedly fun parts of the film are subpar compared to other action flicks.
McConaughey and his buddy go sailing across the desert on an old wrecked plane using one of its wings as a sail. Then, the '60's song, "Magic Carpet Ride" by Steppenwolf comes on.
The fighting scene on top of the giant solar energy plant with all those mirrors was okay, but not great.
McConaughey's sidekick takes out all the dynamite from the self-destruct device. When the plant's 5000 degree furnace goes on, his sidekick jumps and manages avoiding getting directly in the path of the flames. However, he was clearly close enough to become burnt barbeque. No one could survive 5000 degrees that close to the flames. You need to be like at least several yards away to avoid getting burnt. He walks away without even one hair singed. Nonsense!
The ending had the most action, but of course, was highly improbable. And, it wasn't even that good compared to better action movies.
Let me tell you about how improbable it was. When the trio was being chased in their car by the bad guy's helicopter, they throw the sticks of dynamite out the car. Miraculously, the explosions uncovers the Texas ironclad warship that they've been looking for. Wow!
The three of them run in and fire one of the ancient canons and blow up the bad guy's helicopter. Bah humbug!
The ending was closer to what an action adventure film should be, but the rest of the movie was hella boring. It looks like the director didn't know how he wanted to shoot this movie, so he tried using different techniques during different parts of the movie.
In the end, the story never really explains why or how the ironclad ended up in the Sahara. Also, the whole story about the CSS Texas is fake just like National Treasure telling false stories of actual historical events. The CSS Texas never disappeared. It actually never went into battle, but was sold. Why do they use real historical events, people, and things, and tell fake stories? I don't like that. It's better to just use make believe things set in historical times than use actual historical things people can research and find the truth about.
Highs: Acting ain't so bad. A few decent action sequences described above.
Lows: Bad story, script, timing, tone, setting, mood, music, no real theme, no emotion, and no direction. The good guys were boring. The bad guys' roles were so sanitized, I didn't even hate them. In the end, I didn't have any strong feelings for anybody.
The Verdict: From the photos, it seemed like a modern Indiana Jones adventure. However, it turns out the movie doesn't know what it wants to be. It turns out to be a very dull dud.
My rating: D-, 60.
Sorry to say, but Sahara was a boring adventure. And "boring adventure" is an oxymoron. An adventure, by its definition, is an exciting undertaking. This movie was about as fun as watching a lecture about the proper ways to worship Allah and Mohammed. I hope I don't get burned alive in a protest over my metaphor.
Basically, the story is about Matthew McConaughey looking for an old Civil War ironclad warship called the CSS Texas that dissappeared about 150 years ago. McConaughey believes it's lost somewhere in the Sahara Desert and goes there to find it. Along the way, he hooks up with Penelope Cruz, a World Health Organization ("WHO") doctor who is trying to find out the source of a plague that is rapidly killing people in Nigeria. The movie is based on a novel of the same name.
The movie starts off with a scene of the CSS Texas in a Civil War battle. Then, it cuts into the opening credits with some really awful music. Nothing exciting happens for the first 40 minutes of the movie. I'm being totally serious. I kept watching it hoping that something interesting will happen. There was a decent boat chase scene after the first 40 minutes. Then, another series of long boring conversations ensued that put me to sleep.
The music in the movie sucked. It had no congruent theme. Sometimes, it played Nigerian tribal music, other times, it had random music from bad bands. I was hoping that this movie was going to be similar to Indiana Jones. Boy, was I disappointed.
I noticed that an epic adventure movie needs catchy theme music like Indiana Jones. Whenever you hear the music from Indiana Jones, you instantly recognize it and reminisce about your fond moments from the film. In this movie, and most movies you see today, you can hardly remember any of the music from the movie. Music is extremely important to building a memorable cinematic experience.
The acting was fine. I just thought the script and timing of the movie reeked. This Indiana Jones wannabe was neither fun nor funny. The first half of the movie was too serious and somber. Penelope was worried about people dying from a strange new disease. McConaughey blabbed on about why he believed the CSS Texas is lost in Nigeria. Geez, they spent a heck of a long time setting up the story, and then the second half of the movie turned out to be a ridiculous, mindless, nonsensical tale.
There were just a few decent action sequences. But we all know that a few good scenes does not a good action adventure film make.
The train heist by camelback was like a wild west train robbery Nigerian style. That was ok. The movie has somewhat satisfactory action scenes between the long periods of boredom. But, even the supposedly fun parts of the film are subpar compared to other action flicks.
McConaughey and his buddy go sailing across the desert on an old wrecked plane using one of its wings as a sail. Then, the '60's song, "Magic Carpet Ride" by Steppenwolf comes on.
The fighting scene on top of the giant solar energy plant with all those mirrors was okay, but not great.
McConaughey's sidekick takes out all the dynamite from the self-destruct device. When the plant's 5000 degree furnace goes on, his sidekick jumps and manages avoiding getting directly in the path of the flames. However, he was clearly close enough to become burnt barbeque. No one could survive 5000 degrees that close to the flames. You need to be like at least several yards away to avoid getting burnt. He walks away without even one hair singed. Nonsense!
The ending had the most action, but of course, was highly improbable. And, it wasn't even that good compared to better action movies.
Let me tell you about how improbable it was. When the trio was being chased in their car by the bad guy's helicopter, they throw the sticks of dynamite out the car. Miraculously, the explosions uncovers the Texas ironclad warship that they've been looking for. Wow!
The three of them run in and fire one of the ancient canons and blow up the bad guy's helicopter. Bah humbug!
The ending was closer to what an action adventure film should be, but the rest of the movie was hella boring. It looks like the director didn't know how he wanted to shoot this movie, so he tried using different techniques during different parts of the movie.
In the end, the story never really explains why or how the ironclad ended up in the Sahara. Also, the whole story about the CSS Texas is fake just like National Treasure telling false stories of actual historical events. The CSS Texas never disappeared. It actually never went into battle, but was sold. Why do they use real historical events, people, and things, and tell fake stories? I don't like that. It's better to just use make believe things set in historical times than use actual historical things people can research and find the truth about.
Highs: Acting ain't so bad. A few decent action sequences described above.
Lows: Bad story, script, timing, tone, setting, mood, music, no real theme, no emotion, and no direction. The good guys were boring. The bad guys' roles were so sanitized, I didn't even hate them. In the end, I didn't have any strong feelings for anybody.
The Verdict: From the photos, it seemed like a modern Indiana Jones adventure. However, it turns out the movie doesn't know what it wants to be. It turns out to be a very dull dud.
My rating: D-, 60.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)