I know that it's not smart to blog about work, so I'll keep it to a minimum. Since nobody reads my blog anyway, I'll say whatever I want to say:
Dear Diary,
I puked my guts out last night. I'm still trying to hold back my barf as I'm writing this.
We all had a blast last night at the office party thrown by Update Legal in recognition of all of our hard work. We work nonstop from the moment we arrive until we get home. (Do you think they'll believe us?) It was held at the Golden Gopher in Downtown Los Angeles. It was pretty crowded when we got there. It was such a happenin' place that there weren't enough seats for all of us. We were standing most of the time. We had delicious pizza and lots of alcohol. It was really dark in there, which I guess is good, because no one can see my zits. I outdrank everyone. I had an excellent time, but I paid for it afterwards.
I got there early, because the early bird gets the worm. As you may know, I almost always get to places early. That's how I am. I don't like being late for anything whether it be work or meeting friends. I don't like making people wait. Making people wait is rude. Someone said that the early worm gets eaten by the bird, but that's beside the point.
Anyway, I knew I had to get there early if I wanted to get some free pizza. This harkens back to my law school days. If I learned anything in law school, it's knowing that you have to arrive early if you want to get any free food. I learned that lesson very well.
As an aside, I remember I went to a lot of different club meetings in law school. I wasn't even a member of half those organizations. In our law school, the clubs usually provided free food such as pizza at our lunch time meetings. Besides the free food, some of the meetings were actually interesting. They had guest speakers talk about important topics and whatnot. I wasn't the only vulture at these meetings, however. Some law students actually had the audacity to just come in to the meetings, grab a box of pizza, and walk out. How dare they! At least I stayed at the meetings. You would think that if you pay over $22,000 a year in tuition, you wouldn't be such a cheapskate. Or, maybe since they paid so much and have no money left, they have to scrounge for anything and everything. Well, one time, I was waiting patiently in a long line to get my hands around a nice piece of delectable pizza. I was getting really hungry. My mouth was watering as I smelled the heavenly aroma. Then, people started fighting because they ran out of pizza. Some people took too many slices and didn't leave any for others. Damn wannabe lawyers! All that was left were about 30 open boxes of greasy pizza boxes. I almost started crying 'cuz I didn't get any. My eyes were watery and getting red. Hey, don't laugh at me. I was starving. My hopes were high after smelling that delicious aroma of oily cheesey pizza. Then, my hopes were dashed against the bitter empty pizza boxes of despair. Not one of those dang hyenas wanted to share any of their slices with me.
Okay, enough of my sidenote, this time I got my slice of pizza (or two). It was a good thing too, because the pizza ran out quickly. I will never forget that day in law school.
I overdid it on the drinks, however. I remember having a ball with my coworkers. I was outdrinking all the guys there. I must have had 7 or 8. I lost count. I was drinking glasses of beer and wine and well drinks like shot glasses. Then, I felt really sick. I ran outside and puked. I puked a few times as I ran back to the office to get to the bathroom there. At the office, I saw Chris Curtis working hard late into the night. He gave me a ride to my car, which is parked far away. What a nice guy. After that, I don't remember how I got home. I'm being totally serious. I remember vaguely passing by my exit on the freeway though.
Somehow, I got home. I must have passed out on the living room floor. I don't remember much else. The next memory I have is of me puking up a storm over the toilet. The projectile vomit that came out looked like remnants of my pizza I had earlier that evening. I vaguely remember yelling some profane curses at god as I was drunk out of my mind and trying to clean up the bathroom at the same time. Apparently, I must have been doing it a lot, because Sarah is really angry with me. I'm in a whole lotta trouble with my wife.
Don't ask me why I do this. It'll probably take another blog of psychoanalying my past.
This morning, I turned off my alarm clock as usual at 5:10 in the morning. I thought I was just lying there thinking for a few minutes before I get up out of bed, but it happened to be 6:30 am. I overslept. Or, my perception of time gets really altered when I'm drunk. I really thought I was just lying there for like five more minutes before I got up.
After packing my lunch, I started feeling sick again. I tried puking, but nothing came out. My body was going through those hurling motions. I felt my throat tense up and make those nasty regurgitating sounds, but still nothing came out but spit. I could taste the disgusting taste of pizza vomit in my mouth. That smell and taste doesn't go away for a long time no matter how many times you rinse your mouth with Listerine. I wondered if I got arrested for drunk driving before coming home and realized that I would have woken up in jail if I did. I checked my car to see if I got into any accidents, but it was okay, fortunately.
I drove to work and I was more grumpy than usual trying to fight LA traffic. I felt really bad, obviously because I was hung over. I ran to the bathroom a few times at the office to hurl, but still nothing came out but spit and the vile taste of vomit. I'm still feeling pretty sick. I'm sitting way down in my seat almost lying down and holding up the back of my neck with my left hand. I don't think I'm going to eat lunch today. Or, maybe I will because I don't want my food to go to waste.
I remember when I could hold a lot more liquor. Well, nowadays, I never drink any alcohol except at parties. Back when I was at my law school summer abroad program to Korea, I went out drinking after class with my classmates every night. We drank a lot back then. I didn't throw up even though I drank a lot more, because I was only in my 20's back then. One night, I drank about 4 bottles of soju (Korean gin) and 4 bottles of beer. In Korean tradition, when someone older pours you a drink, then you must accept it and drink it. They kept pouring me drinks and I kept downing them like a good hubae (younger classmate). I was drunk off my mind, but I kept it all in. At about 3:00 am, I tried going back to my aunt's house. The taxi cab dropped me off in the wrong place. Somehow, I managed to get home though. Along the way, I saw another drunk Korean girl who asked me for directions. I really couldn't help her. It's dangerous for a pretty young drunk girl to be walking the streets alone at that hour. I was carrying a map of Seoul and trying to find my way home so I could have a couple hours of some zzz's before class. Everything was closed at 3:00 in the morning, but I needed to pee really bad. I had to go somewhere, so I went behind someone's car and peed on their tire. When you gotta go, you gotta go, I guess. Speaking of drunk stories, I remember getting drunk with Hui and Chris one night in Koreatown. I drank so much and needed to go, but had no place to. I just went behind a tree on Wilshire Blvd.
Okay, back to last night, I still haven't learned my lesson from the last office party we had during Christmas. I went through pretty much the same thing at the xmas party. The office Christmas pictures are still available for viewing in the December 2005 Archives section. This time, however, it was a lot worse. I guess I need to make the same mistake twice before I learn anything.
From henceforth, I resolve to limit myself to three drinks only at parties. Amen. I only need a buzz to have a good time at parties. I don't need to overdo it and try to outdrink everyone.
Well, everyone knows that alcohol does wonders for my personality. Even my previous boss at Giardinelli, Duke, and Simmons thought that they should have a minibar at the office for me.
