This Riddickulous movie is what you get when you put Vin Diesel in a Star Wars type film. He plays his typical tough-guy self and blows everyone up. Some actors play the same character over and over again in different movies. I don't even know if they're acting or just being themselves. Diesel is definitely someone who is the same no matter what movie he's in.
Chronicles of Riddick is the sequel to Pitch Black. Riddick is a bad-ass dude who thinks he can kick everyone's rear end. Of course, he does since he stars in all those movies.
A goth religious group called the Necromongers (the name alone make my eyes roll in disdain) seek to travel the universe converting everyone to their religion. Apparently, they are seeking a type of afterlife world called the Underverse. The Underverse comes from a verse that isn't written but hidden in their own bible. The main evil bad guy is the only one to have visited Underverse, and now he's half-human and half-ghost.
All the bounty hunters are after Riddick for some reason. Riddick wants to find out why and who put the bounty on his head. He finally gets caught and is sent to a prison planet called Crematorium that gets fiery hot when the sun hits the surface.
Riddick is cold, calm, ruthless, and efficient at killing. He cares about no one except this one girl who worships him. She's supposed to be one of the survivors from the first movie.
This movie had great special effects and action. Too bad the movie didn't make much sense. I find this to be true with most action movies though.
This one bad guy with the over-ambitious wife who tried to kill the main evil bad guy ends up bowing down to Riddick when he kills him at the end. Riddick wouldn't be able to kill him without his help though, nor without the help of the girl. The evil guy is like a ghost. He can only be killed while distracted by someone else. Otherwise he can sense you coming from a mile away.
Finally, Riddick becomes head of the Necromongers. He remembers their motto, "Keep what you kill" or something like that. Will he carry on the Necromonger crusades or will he do something else? It looks like we could be looking at a trilogy based upon the ending of this film.
My rating: C, 78.
I liked the videogame, Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay a lot. That game is about Riddick getting out of a different gritty prison planet. In the movie, they mention this place when deciding on where to take Riddick.
Monday, February 06, 2006
Constantine
Constantine in Hell
Sometimes, or most of the time, I enjoy watching popcorn movies. By this I mean movies that you just watch for the visual effects alone without having to think too much. You just sit back and enjoy the ride. Since I'm writing movie reviews, however, I feel that I need to analyze and rate the movies that I watch.
Constantine is definitely one of those popcorn movies. It's possible to enjoy it if you like sci-fi and action. I found that I was asking to many questions while I was watching it though. It was hard to make sense of the plot.
John Constantine (Keanu Reeves) is an exorcist who has the ability to see demons and angels. He doesn't appreciate this gift he has and once ended his life because he couldn't stand seeing all these demons all over the place. He has seen things humans aren't meant to see. He goes to hell because he committed suicide, but gets a second chance at life. He hopes to earn his way to heaven by sending the demons that try to enter the earthly realm back to hell.
This movie is based on a DC Comics series, but I'm not familiar with it. Constantine is better off being a comic book. As a movie, I don' think it would have enough appeal to a wider audience.
It appears that God and Satan have made a wager to see who will go to heaven and who will go to hell. The angels and demons can only encourage or discourage humans by whispering thoughts into their minds. They are not allowed to interfere physically. Things start to change as demons start entering into the physical realm.
In the end, Constantine sacrifices himself by trading his life so that another woman's soul can leave hell and eternal torment and enter heaven. By doing this, he earns his place in heaven. He starts getting raptured into heaven. The devil is furious as he begins rising up. Constantine gives Satan the finger while he's floating up, and this pisses the devil off. He's so mad that he grabs onto Constantine and puts his hands into Constantine's lungs'. The devil cures Constantine's lung cancer and now Constantine is alive and well again. After Satan and the great archangel Gabriel fight it out, Gabriel gets blasted by Satan's fire spell. Somehow Gabriel loses her angelhood and becomes human, perhaps because God is upset with her constant interference. After Gabriel loses her wings, Constantine punches her face really hard. Then, Constantine goes on with his life and continues exorcising and sending demons back to hell. He stops smoking cigarettes and starts chewing nicotine gum.
This movie just didn't make sense. It seemed to be a mish mash of other movies like the Matrix and the Exorcist. I think the plot sucked. It had an interesting premise, but the movie just didn't live up to the great ideas that the producers were hoping to portray.
My rating: F, 57.
Friday, February 03, 2006
Underworld: Evolution
Vampires and werewolves. . .oh my! Kate Beckinsale stars in this crapola of a film as a death dealing vampire. She falls in love with a vampire/werewolf hybrid. They've got to stop a lunatic super vampire who is trying to set his twin brother, who happens to be a werewolf, free from a catacomb.
This movie has a lot of action, gore, and blood, but none of it really meshes together to make an exciting film. I haven't seen the first movie Underworld, but I don't think I'd want to after watching this sequel. There were some suspenseful scenes, but that was only my own anticipation for something exciting to happen. Unfortunately, nothing much really came of it.
This movie is filled with cliches galore. Everything you've seen in this movie, you've seen somewhere else and probably were better than this. Vampires' skin burn when exposed to sunlight. Werewolves are ugly wolf men. The movie was entirely predictable. Blah. This movie just appeals to vamps, goths, immature teens, and maybe some geeks and nerds who like this stuff. I don't think anyone else will like this movie at all.
The acting is pretty sterile. This a major contributing factor to the boredom this movie produces. The script itself is probably the biggest reason for its failure. It's idiotic.
As with most movies like this, you have to suspend your imagination. But, with this movie, you have to shut down your entire brain to watch this. There are so many dumb things in this film, that I don't have enough space to list them all. Just one of the examples is how the werewolf survived for 3 centuries locked up in a tomb. He just gets up and attacks like nothing happened. The first vampire was supposed to be the most powerful, but he commits suicide by blowing himself up instead of just toughing it out and healing himself like all the other vampires. Kate Beckinsale just healed herself after being wounded just like the other main vampire who grew wings. Why couldn't he just do heal himself if he's so powerful? Why'd he let Kate drink his blood so that she can evolve into "The Future"? I guess this movie was just meant to be watched and not thought about too much. It's too bad that the movie is not much to look at either.
Another complaint I have with the dumb storyline is that these movies all promote the theory that people turn into things that they were bitten by. For example, in this movie, one twin was bitten by a bat, and so he turned into a vampire. The other twin was bitten by a wolf, and so he turned into a werewolf (Lycan). Hasn't anyone else bitten bitten by these animals before? They know they're not going to turn into vampires or werewolves after being bitten by them. I've been bitten by a dog before. I didn't turn into a weredog. I've been bitten by my cat before. I didn't turn into catman. I've been bitten by a spider. I didn't turn into spiderman. I've been bitten by ants. I didn't turn into antman. I've been bitten by mosquitos. I didn't turn into mosquitoman. Okay, enough of that crap. I bet that if I get bitten by a fruitbat, I'm not going to turn into a vampire that sucks the nectar out of fruits.
My rating: F, 50.
This movie has a lot of action, gore, and blood, but none of it really meshes together to make an exciting film. I haven't seen the first movie Underworld, but I don't think I'd want to after watching this sequel. There were some suspenseful scenes, but that was only my own anticipation for something exciting to happen. Unfortunately, nothing much really came of it.
This movie is filled with cliches galore. Everything you've seen in this movie, you've seen somewhere else and probably were better than this. Vampires' skin burn when exposed to sunlight. Werewolves are ugly wolf men. The movie was entirely predictable. Blah. This movie just appeals to vamps, goths, immature teens, and maybe some geeks and nerds who like this stuff. I don't think anyone else will like this movie at all.
The acting is pretty sterile. This a major contributing factor to the boredom this movie produces. The script itself is probably the biggest reason for its failure. It's idiotic.
As with most movies like this, you have to suspend your imagination. But, with this movie, you have to shut down your entire brain to watch this. There are so many dumb things in this film, that I don't have enough space to list them all. Just one of the examples is how the werewolf survived for 3 centuries locked up in a tomb. He just gets up and attacks like nothing happened. The first vampire was supposed to be the most powerful, but he commits suicide by blowing himself up instead of just toughing it out and healing himself like all the other vampires. Kate Beckinsale just healed herself after being wounded just like the other main vampire who grew wings. Why couldn't he just do heal himself if he's so powerful? Why'd he let Kate drink his blood so that she can evolve into "The Future"? I guess this movie was just meant to be watched and not thought about too much. It's too bad that the movie is not much to look at either.
Another complaint I have with the dumb storyline is that these movies all promote the theory that people turn into things that they were bitten by. For example, in this movie, one twin was bitten by a bat, and so he turned into a vampire. The other twin was bitten by a wolf, and so he turned into a werewolf (Lycan). Hasn't anyone else bitten bitten by these animals before? They know they're not going to turn into vampires or werewolves after being bitten by them. I've been bitten by a dog before. I didn't turn into a weredog. I've been bitten by my cat before. I didn't turn into catman. I've been bitten by a spider. I didn't turn into spiderman. I've been bitten by ants. I didn't turn into antman. I've been bitten by mosquitos. I didn't turn into mosquitoman. Okay, enough of that crap. I bet that if I get bitten by a fruitbat, I'm not going to turn into a vampire that sucks the nectar out of fruits.
My rating: F, 50.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Kingdom of Heaven
Kingdom of Heaven
A stirring epic set just before the Third Crusades, this film delivers a message about virtue, life, and religious freedom and tolerance. I thought Orlando Bloom did a great job as Balian of Ibelin, a French blacksmith with an English accent.
Plot: Balian's wife and child are dead, and he has lost all hope. A great knight named Godfrey, back from the Crusades to seek his son, finds Balian. He reveals that he is his father. Godfrey show him the true meaning of knighthood and takes him on a journey to Jerusalem. A fragile peace prevails in Jerusalem during the Second and Third Crusades through the efforts of its enlightened christian king, Baldwin IV. King Baldwin wears a silver mask to cover up the leprosy that he has. Greed and religious fanaticism fuel some of the Crusaders who attack the Muslims. Saladin, the Muslim leader, leads an attack on Jerusalem after being attacked first by the Crusaders. King Baldwin's vision of peace, a kingdom of heaven, is shared by a handful of knights, including Godfrey, who swear to uphold it with their lives and honor. Godfrey knights his son after being mortally wounded. He passes on the sacred oath to protect the weak and helpless and work towards building harmony so that a kingdom of heaven can flourish on earth. Balian chooses to accept this task and inspires others to do so.
This movie has great visual flare. The war scenes are brutal and stunning to watch. The characters, however, are a bit one-sided. The bad guys are bad and the good guys are good. There isn't much character development except for Balian. And he is too remarkable, which means it's unbelievable. From his origins as a poor blacksmith, he becomes a great knight. He knows battle tactics and agriculture and seems to know everything else. He probably was only trained just for a few weeks during his travel time to Jerusalem. The movie just shows a few seconds of his sword fighting training.
The movie paints a fascinating picture of what the Crusades were like. Although, it's not entirely historically accurate, it does provide a good idea of what must have happened during those times. Since I'm interested in church history, it was fascinating to watch for me. Jews, christians, and Muslims have fought for Jerusalem for at least 2,000 years, and they are still struggling over it today.
My rating: B, 86.
Kung Fu Hustle
Kung Fu Hustle
Imagine a kung fu movie that is a mixture of old Bruce Lee movies, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, The Matrix, Quentin Tarantino's Kill Bill, and Looney Toones, and you have a pretty good idea of what this movie is like. The action in this movie is fast and furious. It also contains the most comical fighting sequences I have ever seen in my life. Everything in this movie is over-the-top crazy. You see old Chinese guys that don't look like much suddenly turn into superhero kung fu masters. An old cigarette smoking lady can run like the road runner and has a scream that can topple buildings.
If you like kung fu and comedy, you'll probably enjoy watching this because it's totally insane. Don't watch it for the story though. This movie is kinda hard to take seriously.
My rating: B, 84.
Sung Ho and Me
Sung Ho (Mikey) and I are wandering across the beach. You can check out more pictures on my flickr.com account by clicking on this picture.
Monday, January 30, 2006
Running Around at Zuma Beach
My nephew, Sung Ho, and I are just running around having fun. You can view all my videos on my vidilife.com site by clicking on the link below.
Sarah and Her Whip
This is my beautiful wife and our wicked fast whip, a 240 hp 2004 Honda Accord EX V-6. I wash it every weekend.
Sung Ho visits Pepperdine
Sung Ho's so smart that I thought he would like to visit Pepperdine University. I thought he'd be inspired more at this beautiful campus.
Mikey and me
We're having fun just running around the beach and kickin' up sand. You can see more pictures by clicking on this pic and then selecting "David Kim's photostream".
A Day at the Beach
On Saturday, January 28, 2006, Sarah and her nephew, Sung Ho (Michael), and I went to Zuma Beach in Malibu, California to have a nice day at the beach. We had fun just kickin' it there and playing around. It was a nice day warm winter day to just walk around and enjoy the fresh air. You can check out more pictures by visiting:
www.flickr.com/photos/davidmkim/
American Pie Presents: Band Camp
Talk about Hollywood trying to squeeze every last dime out of a successful series, sheesh! I wish this film wasn't made or at the very least, I wish I didn't see it. As Stifler's younger brother would say, "This movie sucks donkey dick."
Now, I know why this film went straight to video. It's really bad.
Anyone who has seen the first three American Pie movies know that Stifler was a totally ubnoxious arrogant jerk. Sure, he was annoying, but there were times when he got into a lot of trouble that actually made the movie funny, like when he had to eat dog crap in American Wedding.
Stifler's younger brother wants to follow in big brother's footsteps. He puts pepper spray into the school's band during graduation. The guidance counselor, who played the Sherminator, sends him to band camp as punishment so that he can learn to get along with people. At first, Stifler causes a lot of trouble and everyone hates him. He tries to make a video called Bandeez Gone Wild. Later on, he starts falling for the band leader. He erases all the video clips of the band camp geeks getting their freak on at the end when he develops a conscience.
This video just didn't have the first 3 films' hilariousness. This film just goes to prove that merely telling raunchy jokes does not a good comedy make. Younger brother just can't measure up to big brother.
This film has a cheesy sugary-sweet ending, but most of the characters were just not likable. The band leader's best friend was a scary looking goth chick. Yuck! Baby Stifler's geeky roommate had the hots for her and then performed the nasty with each other. I thought it was unrealistic until I remembered stories I've heard about kids doing stuff during church camp. I was a good kid. I just slept at church camp. Apparently some kids weren't sleeping since they were getting too busy at the coeds' cabin.
The Asian hip hop wannabe and the Fat Albert lookalike were just embarassing to watch since their acting was reprehensible.
The face off competition between Stifler and the rich blonde jerk was like a really bad version of "You Got Served" band camp style. The kid ran off after everyone cheered for Stifler when he played the bagpipe. Come on! This sux!
For some reason, gross pranks just weren't as hilarious as the first three films. When Stifler jizzed into the bottle of sunscreen and the other guys put it on their face, it was only somewhat funny. It was missing that elusive comic ingredient needed to make it laugh-out-loud funny.
Also, when Stifler put his tiny weinie into an oboe and got it stuck, I was not laughing when perhaps I would have in the other films. I guess I was too tired and bored from all the other non-funny scenes in the movie, that I forgot it was funny.
This movie might be okay for really immature teens who aren't able to see real "R" rated movies. Otherwise, it's a huge disappointment. It shouldn't carry the American Pie name. There's only one guy, Eugene Levy, who is from the movie. Everyone else didn't want to be part of it. Even the original Stifler wasn't in the movie. It's always lame when they show someone else who is supposed to be the original character. Why'd they even think it was necessary to show some random guy just so that they can make a scene where little brother talks with big brother over the phone?!
My rating: 59, F+.
Now, I know why this film went straight to video. It's really bad.
Anyone who has seen the first three American Pie movies know that Stifler was a totally ubnoxious arrogant jerk. Sure, he was annoying, but there were times when he got into a lot of trouble that actually made the movie funny, like when he had to eat dog crap in American Wedding.
Stifler's younger brother wants to follow in big brother's footsteps. He puts pepper spray into the school's band during graduation. The guidance counselor, who played the Sherminator, sends him to band camp as punishment so that he can learn to get along with people. At first, Stifler causes a lot of trouble and everyone hates him. He tries to make a video called Bandeez Gone Wild. Later on, he starts falling for the band leader. He erases all the video clips of the band camp geeks getting their freak on at the end when he develops a conscience.
This video just didn't have the first 3 films' hilariousness. This film just goes to prove that merely telling raunchy jokes does not a good comedy make. Younger brother just can't measure up to big brother.
This film has a cheesy sugary-sweet ending, but most of the characters were just not likable. The band leader's best friend was a scary looking goth chick. Yuck! Baby Stifler's geeky roommate had the hots for her and then performed the nasty with each other. I thought it was unrealistic until I remembered stories I've heard about kids doing stuff during church camp. I was a good kid. I just slept at church camp. Apparently some kids weren't sleeping since they were getting too busy at the coeds' cabin.
The Asian hip hop wannabe and the Fat Albert lookalike were just embarassing to watch since their acting was reprehensible.
The face off competition between Stifler and the rich blonde jerk was like a really bad version of "You Got Served" band camp style. The kid ran off after everyone cheered for Stifler when he played the bagpipe. Come on! This sux!
For some reason, gross pranks just weren't as hilarious as the first three films. When Stifler jizzed into the bottle of sunscreen and the other guys put it on their face, it was only somewhat funny. It was missing that elusive comic ingredient needed to make it laugh-out-loud funny.
Also, when Stifler put his tiny weinie into an oboe and got it stuck, I was not laughing when perhaps I would have in the other films. I guess I was too tired and bored from all the other non-funny scenes in the movie, that I forgot it was funny.
This movie might be okay for really immature teens who aren't able to see real "R" rated movies. Otherwise, it's a huge disappointment. It shouldn't carry the American Pie name. There's only one guy, Eugene Levy, who is from the movie. Everyone else didn't want to be part of it. Even the original Stifler wasn't in the movie. It's always lame when they show someone else who is supposed to be the original character. Why'd they even think it was necessary to show some random guy just so that they can make a scene where little brother talks with big brother over the phone?!
My rating: 59, F+.
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