Kung Fu Hustle
Thursday, March 15, 2007
A Snail's Pace
A Snail's Pace
There was once a snail who was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow. He decided to get some fast wheels to make up the difference.
After shopping around a while, he decided that the Nissan 300-Z was the car to get. So the snail goes to the nearest Nissan dealer and says he wants to buy the 300-Z, but he wants it repainted to read "300-S".
The dealer asks, "Why 'S'?"
The snail replies, "'S' stands for snail. I want everybody who sees me roaring past to know who's driving."
Well, the dealer doesn't want to lose the unique opportunity to sell a car to a snail, so he agrees to have the car repainted for a small fee.
The snail gets his new car and spent the rest of his days roaring happily down the highway at top speed. And whenever anyone would see him zooming by, they'd say "Wow! Look at that S-car go!"
There was once a snail who was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow. He decided to get some fast wheels to make up the difference.
After shopping around a while, he decided that the Nissan 300-Z was the car to get. So the snail goes to the nearest Nissan dealer and says he wants to buy the 300-Z, but he wants it repainted to read "300-S".
The dealer asks, "Why 'S'?"
The snail replies, "'S' stands for snail. I want everybody who sees me roaring past to know who's driving."
Well, the dealer doesn't want to lose the unique opportunity to sell a car to a snail, so he agrees to have the car repainted for a small fee.
The snail gets his new car and spent the rest of his days roaring happily down the highway at top speed. And whenever anyone would see him zooming by, they'd say "Wow! Look at that S-car go!"
Joke of the Day
A man gets up one morning to find his wife in the kitchen cooking, he looks to see what she's cooking, and sees one of his socks in frying pan.
"What are you doing?" he asks.
"I'm doing what you asked me to do last night when you came to bed very drunk," she replied.
Completely puzzled, the man walks away thinking to himself, "I don't remember asking her to cook my sock..."
"What are you doing?" he asks.
"I'm doing what you asked me to do last night when you came to bed very drunk," she replied.
Completely puzzled, the man walks away thinking to himself, "I don't remember asking her to cook my sock..."
Tricks to Liven Up a Meeting
TRICKS TO LIVEN UP A MEETING
- Stand up and act indignant. Demand that the boss tell you the 'real' reason this meeting has been called.
- Spill coffee on the conference table. Produce a little paper boat and sail it down the table.
- Stay behind as everyone else, including the boss, leaves. Thank them for coming.
- Give a broad wink to someone else at the table. In time, wink at everyone. Sometimes shake your head just a little, as if to indicate that the speaker is slightly crazy and everybody knows it.
- Arrange to have a poorly-dressed young woman with an infant quietly enter the meeting, stare directly at the (male) speaker for a while, burst into tears, then leave the room.
- Bring a hand puppet, preferably an animal . Ask it to clarify difficult points.
- When there is a call for questions, lean back in your chair, prop your feet up on the table, smile contentedly, and say, "Well, here's the way I see it, J.B..." (or any other impressive-sounding initials that are not actually your boss's.)
- Complain loudly that your neighbour won't stop touching you. Demand that the boss make him/her stop doing it.
- Bring a small mountain of computer printouts to the meeting. If possible, include some old-fashioned fanfold paper for dramatic effect. Every time the speaker makes a point, pretend to check it in one of the printouts. Pretend to find substantiating evidence there. Nod vigorously, and say "uh-huh, uh-huh!"
- Stand up and act indignant. Demand that the boss tell you the 'real' reason this meeting has been called.
- Spill coffee on the conference table. Produce a little paper boat and sail it down the table.
- Stay behind as everyone else, including the boss, leaves. Thank them for coming.
- Give a broad wink to someone else at the table. In time, wink at everyone. Sometimes shake your head just a little, as if to indicate that the speaker is slightly crazy and everybody knows it.
- Arrange to have a poorly-dressed young woman with an infant quietly enter the meeting, stare directly at the (male) speaker for a while, burst into tears, then leave the room.
- Bring a hand puppet, preferably an animal . Ask it to clarify difficult points.
- When there is a call for questions, lean back in your chair, prop your feet up on the table, smile contentedly, and say, "Well, here's the way I see it, J.B..." (or any other impressive-sounding initials that are not actually your boss's.)
- Complain loudly that your neighbour won't stop touching you. Demand that the boss make him/her stop doing it.
- Bring a small mountain of computer printouts to the meeting. If possible, include some old-fashioned fanfold paper for dramatic effect. Every time the speaker makes a point, pretend to check it in one of the printouts. Pretend to find substantiating evidence there. Nod vigorously, and say "uh-huh, uh-huh!"
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Monday, March 12, 2007
Biking through Chinatown. When Andy and I went to Griffith Park, I reached my personal best record speed on this bike at 43.6 mph. I beat my last record of 42 mph. My all time personal best record is still at 48 mph. I reached that speed going downhill on Gennessee in San Diego on my way to La Jolla. It was a long straight downhill where I could reach that speed. My bike kinda started getting unstable though going that fast. It was kinda scary. This was on my mountain bike too, the Parkpre (Park Precision) Sledgehammer.
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