That's just like me. I blog about everything that happens to me. Except I would go "A History of Violence" on his ass and then blog about it.
Friday, April 07, 2006
Thursday, April 06, 2006
Spring Waltz
"Spring Waltz". ("Bohm Eh Waltz").
This Korean video that my wife likes to watch, and which I sometimes watch after washing the dishes and stuff, is about two childhood sweethearts that promise they'll always love each other.
She tells him, "Even though you become a gangster or a liar, I'll always love you." Now that's unconditional love.
Well, as always after the first episode, they grow up. After years of being separated, the sweetheart boy and sweetheart girl meet again. The boy was adopted by a rich family, and he never was able to see her again until recently. But now that they're all grown up and after many years have passed, they don't even recognize each other. This new Korean dude from America ("Konglish dude" or "Kyoppo"), who can't speak a jack's worth of Korean, meets sweetheart girl and falls in love with her. The Korean American Konglish dude is sweetheart boy's best friend. However, the sweetheart boy starts falling in love with the girl too. What should he do? He has to respect his best friend, but at the same time he loves this beautiful hottie too. Sometimes, all's fair in love and war. You have to do what you have to do for love. Konglish stud can't believe his best friend betrayed him. But at the same time, there's this other chick that loves the Konglish stud and she's jealous of the girl. She wants Konglish stud all for herself. Meanwhile sweetheart girl is confused. Why are all the boys after me? Do they just like me for my drop dead gorgeous looks? What do they want from me? While each of them tries to answer their own universe shattering questions, will the forces of nature ever reunite sweetheart boy and girl together? Will sweetheart boy and sweetheart girl ever discover that they were long lost childhoood sweethearts? Stay tuned and find out!
Don't Worry!
"Don't Worry!" ("Guk Jung Ha Ji Ma!") This Korean drama is about this young girl who falls for this older dude. Her mom disapproves, because he's her age and he used to be her mom's friend. What a bastard! Dating your friend's daughter?!!!! Well, the bastard is a rich doctor after all. If he still has game, then he should still be a playa, right? Heartache and hilarity ensue.
Can Love Be Refeeled?
Can Love Be Refeeled? Refilled? (Sarang Do Refeel Ee Dae Nah Yo?) That title is so Fobby. (F.O.B.=Fresh off the Boat. Meaning recent immigrant to the United States. Kids of old school immigrants use this term to mock fobs who come here with disdain b/c they suck at English.) This Korean Drama is about this girl who has to choose between her old flame and her new lover.
The old flame challenges her new lover to basketball, swimming, racquetball, and boxing contests, but he gets his ass kicked.
"Which one should I choose? The new guy is smarter, better looking, and pretty much better at everything than my old ex, but I still have feelings for the bastard."
I suspect, judging from the title, we already know who she'll choose. But, it's still going to take about a hundred episodes or so to find out. After all, the answers to life and love's difficult questions doesn't get solved that easily, am I right?
Unusual Woman Unusual Man
("Byul Nan Yuh Ja Byul Nan Nam Ja") "Unusual Woman Unusual Man."
I'm not sure if I translated the title correctly, but I think that sounds right. When I used Alta Vista Babel Fish, it translated the title as, "Peculiar Woman Peculiar Man." Now, I think that sounds a lot worse! My wife and I like to watch Korean videos (mostly my wife). I still like watching good ol' Hollywood films. I miss watching my favorite Korean actress, Kim Hee Sun, when she starred in all these fantastic miniseries (dramas that are usually less than 20 episodes long). You can watch the videos online on www.kbs.co.kr. If you don't read Korean, then you might want to ask a pretty Korean girl (or guy) to help you.
Anyway, this drama is about one adopted girl who falls in love with this rich dude. The rich guy had been dating this other rich girl. The rich guy's cousin is hopelessly in love with the rich girl. And the rich guy starts falling in love with the orphan girl. The rich guy's family disapproves of this adopted riff raff girl with no parents. Heartache and hilarity ensue.
If you have time to watch it, then go for it. Most Korean dramas are sometimes hundreds of episodes in length. Just like all the other long Korean dramas out there, you don't have to watch all of them to know what's going on. They have lots of flashbacks and stuff like that.
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
The New Church Minister
A new church minister at his first worship service was so nervous he could hardly speak. After the worship service, he asked the reverend how he had done.
The reverend replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the reverend's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the worship service, he found the following note on the door:
1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.
8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10) We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me".
12) The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry.
13) The recommended prayer before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
The reverend replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the reverend's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the worship service, he found the following note on the door:
1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.
8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10) We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me".
12) The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry.
13) The recommended prayer before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
Superman
One day Superman is flying around and he is horny as hell. So he starts flying all over the city looking for a nice girl to screw. Then, all of a sudden, he sees Wonder Woman on the roof of the Justice Leage tanning herself... and not only is she completely naked, but she has her legs spread wide open like she's just asking for it!
"Man...", Superman thinks to himself, "I have got to get me some of that Wonder-p**sy!". Then he realizes that he's Superman! He's faster than a speeding bullet! He could probably fly down there, do his business, then fly away before Wonder Woman even realized what was going on.
So he gets himself ready, flies down to the roof of the Justice League, has his way with Wonder Woman, and flies away before she could even see him.
So all of a sudden Wonder Woman bolts straight up in her chair and yells "What the hell was that!"
And the Invisible Man says, "I have no idea, but my ass is killing me!"
"Man...", Superman thinks to himself, "I have got to get me some of that Wonder-p**sy!". Then he realizes that he's Superman! He's faster than a speeding bullet! He could probably fly down there, do his business, then fly away before Wonder Woman even realized what was going on.
So he gets himself ready, flies down to the roof of the Justice League, has his way with Wonder Woman, and flies away before she could even see him.
So all of a sudden Wonder Woman bolts straight up in her chair and yells "What the hell was that!"
And the Invisible Man says, "I have no idea, but my ass is killing me!"
New Modern English Language Dictionary
Arbitrator \ar'-bi-tray-ter\: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.
Avoidable \uh-voy'-duh-buhl\: What a bullfighter tries to do.
Baloney \buh-lo'-nee\: Where some hemlines fall
Bernadette \burn'-a-det\: The act of torching a mortgage
Burglarize \bur'-gler-ize\: What a crook sees with
Control \kon-trol'\: A short, ugly inmate
Counterfeiters \kown-ter-fit-ers \: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets
Eclipse \i-klips'\: what an English barber does for a living
Eyedropper \i'-drop-ur\: a clumsy ophthalmologist
Heroes \hee'-rhos\: what a guy in a boat does
Left Bank \left' bangk'\: what the robber did when his bag was full of loot
Misty \mis'-tee\: How golfers create divots
Paradox \par'-u-doks\: two physicians
Parasites \par'-uh-sites\: what you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.
Pharmacist \farm'-uh-sist\: a helper on the farm
Polarize \po'-lur-ize\: what penguins see with
Primate \pri'-mat\: removing your spouse from in front of the TV
Relief \ree-leef'\: what trees do in the spring
Rubberneck \rub'-er-nek\: what you do to relax your wife
Seamstress \seem'-stres\: describes 250 pounds in a size six
Selfish \sel'-fish\: what the owner of a seafood store does
Subdued \sub-dood'\: like, a guy, like, works on one of those, like, submarines, man
Sudafed \sood'-a-fed\: bringing litigation against a government official
Avoidable \uh-voy'-duh-buhl\: What a bullfighter tries to do.
Baloney \buh-lo'-nee\: Where some hemlines fall
Bernadette \burn'-a-det\: The act of torching a mortgage
Burglarize \bur'-gler-ize\: What a crook sees with
Control \kon-trol'\: A short, ugly inmate
Counterfeiters \kown-ter-fit-ers \: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets
Eclipse \i-klips'\: what an English barber does for a living
Eyedropper \i'-drop-ur\: a clumsy ophthalmologist
Heroes \hee'-rhos\: what a guy in a boat does
Left Bank \left' bangk'\: what the robber did when his bag was full of loot
Misty \mis'-tee\: How golfers create divots
Paradox \par'-u-doks\: two physicians
Parasites \par'-uh-sites\: what you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.
Pharmacist \farm'-uh-sist\: a helper on the farm
Polarize \po'-lur-ize\: what penguins see with
Primate \pri'-mat\: removing your spouse from in front of the TV
Relief \ree-leef'\: what trees do in the spring
Rubberneck \rub'-er-nek\: what you do to relax your wife
Seamstress \seem'-stres\: describes 250 pounds in a size six
Selfish \sel'-fish\: what the owner of a seafood store does
Subdued \sub-dood'\: like, a guy, like, works on one of those, like, submarines, man
Sudafed \sood'-a-fed\: bringing litigation against a government official
Perfume
An old woman is riding in an elevator in a very lavish downtown Los Angeles City
building, when a young and beautiful woman gets into the
elevator, smelling of expensive perfume. She turns to the old woman and
says arrogantly, "Romance" by Ralph Lauren, $150 an ounce!" Then
another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator, and also
very arrogantly turns to the old woman saying, "Channel No. 5,
$200 an ounce." About three floors later, the old woman has
reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator.
Before she leaves, she looks both beautiful women in the eye, makes a giant fart,
then says,.........................
"Beans and Broccoli...... 49 cents a pound."
building, when a young and beautiful woman gets into the
elevator, smelling of expensive perfume. She turns to the old woman and
says arrogantly, "Romance" by Ralph Lauren, $150 an ounce!" Then
another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator, and also
very arrogantly turns to the old woman saying, "Channel No. 5,
$200 an ounce." About three floors later, the old woman has
reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator.
Before she leaves, she looks both beautiful women in the eye, makes a giant fart,
then says,.........................
"Beans and Broccoli...... 49 cents a pound."
A Cowboy in a Gay Bar
A cowboy walks into a bar, and two steps in he realizes it's a gay bar. "What the heck," he says to himself, "I really want a drink." When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy, "What's the name of your willy?" The cowboy says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink. "The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your willy. Mine for instance is called NIKE, for the slogan, 'Just Do It.' That guy down at the end of the bar calls his SNICKERS, because 'It really Satisfies.' "
The cowboy looks dumbfounded, so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over. So the cowboy asks the man sitting to his left who is sipping on a beer, "Hey bud, what's the name of yours?" The man looks back and says with a smile, "TIMEX." The thirsty cowboy asks, "Why Timex?" the fella proudly replies, "'Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin!'"
A little shaken, the cowboy turns to two fella's on his right, who happen to be sharing a fruity Margarita and says, "So, what do you guys call yours?" The first man turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because "Quality is Job One." "Then he adds, "Have you driven a Ford lately?" The guy next to him then says, "I call mine CHEVY.....'Like a Rock!' "And gives a wink!
Even more shaken, the Cowboy has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his manhood. Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The name of my willy is SECRET. Now give me a beer." The bartender begins to pour the cowboy a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, "Why Secret?"
The cowboy says, "Because it's 'STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!!!!!!!
The cowboy looks dumbfounded, so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over. So the cowboy asks the man sitting to his left who is sipping on a beer, "Hey bud, what's the name of yours?" The man looks back and says with a smile, "TIMEX." The thirsty cowboy asks, "Why Timex?" the fella proudly replies, "'Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin!'"
A little shaken, the cowboy turns to two fella's on his right, who happen to be sharing a fruity Margarita and says, "So, what do you guys call yours?" The first man turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because "Quality is Job One." "Then he adds, "Have you driven a Ford lately?" The guy next to him then says, "I call mine CHEVY.....'Like a Rock!' "And gives a wink!
Even more shaken, the Cowboy has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his manhood. Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The name of my willy is SECRET. Now give me a beer." The bartender begins to pour the cowboy a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, "Why Secret?"
The cowboy says, "Because it's 'STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!!!!!!!
State Mottos
State Mottos
Alabama
>Hell Yes, We Have Electricity.
>Alaska
>11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!
>Arizona
>But It's A Dry Heat....
>Arkansas
>Literacy Ain't Everything.
>California
>By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda.
>Colorado
>If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother.
>Connecticut
>Like Massachusetts,
>Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It Yet.
>Delaware
>We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water.
>Florida
>Ask Us About Our Grandkids.
>Georgia
>We Put The Fun In Fundamentalist Extremism.
>Hawaii
>Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru
>(Death To Mainland Scum,Leave Your Money)
>Idaho
>More Than Just Potatoes...
>Well, Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good
>Illinois
>Please, Don't Pronounce the "S"
>Indiana
>2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
>Iowa
>We Do Amazing Things With Corn
>Kansas
>First Of The Rectangle States
>Kentucky
>Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
>Louisiana
>We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos,
>But That's Our Tourism Campaign.
>Maine
>We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
>Maryland
>If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It
>Massachusetts
>Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's
>Michigan
>First Line Of Defense From The Canadians
>Minnesota
>10,000 Lakes...And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes
>Mississippi
>Come And Feel Better About Your Own State
>Missouri
>Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work
>Montana
>Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing Crazies,
>and Very Little Else.
>Nebraska
>Ask About Our State Motto Contest
>Nevada
>Hookers and Poker!
>New Hampshire
>Go Away And Leave Us Alone
>New Jersey
>You Want A ##$%##! Motto?
>I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto
>Right here!
>New Mexico
>Lizards Make Excellent Pets
>New York
>You Have The Right To Remain Silent,
>You Have The Right
>To An Attorney...
>North Carolina
>Tobacco Is A Vegetable
>North Dakota
>We Really Are One Of The 50 States!
>Ohio
>At Least We're Not Michigan
>Oklahoma
>Like The Play, But No Singing
>Oregon
>Spotted Owl...It's What's For Dinner
>Pennsylvania
>Cook With Coal
>Rhode Island
>We're Not REALLY An Island
>South Carolina
>Remember The Civil War?
>Well, We Didn't Actually Surrender Yet
>South Dakota
>Closer Than North Dakota
>Tennessee
>The Edyoocashun State
>Texas
>Se Hablo Ingles
>Utah
>Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
>Vermont
>Ay, Yep
>Virginia
>Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?
>Washington
>We have more rain than you do
>West Virginia
>One Big Happy Family...Really!
>Wisconsin
>Come Cut The Cheese!
>Wyoming
>Where Men Are Men... And The Sheep Are Scared
Alabama
>Hell Yes, We Have Electricity.
>Alaska
>11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!
>Arizona
>But It's A Dry Heat....
>Arkansas
>Literacy Ain't Everything.
>California
>By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda.
>Colorado
>If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother.
>Connecticut
>Like Massachusetts,
>Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It Yet.
>Delaware
>We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water.
>Florida
>Ask Us About Our Grandkids.
>Georgia
>We Put The Fun In Fundamentalist Extremism.
>Hawaii
>Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru
>(Death To Mainland Scum,Leave Your Money)
>Idaho
>More Than Just Potatoes...
>Well, Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good
>Illinois
>Please, Don't Pronounce the "S"
>Indiana
>2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
>Iowa
>We Do Amazing Things With Corn
>Kansas
>First Of The Rectangle States
>Kentucky
>Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
>Louisiana
>We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos,
>But That's Our Tourism Campaign.
>Maine
>We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
>Maryland
>If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It
>Massachusetts
>Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's
>Michigan
>First Line Of Defense From The Canadians
>Minnesota
>10,000 Lakes...And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes
>Mississippi
>Come And Feel Better About Your Own State
>Missouri
>Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work
>Montana
>Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing Crazies,
>and Very Little Else.
>Nebraska
>Ask About Our State Motto Contest
>Nevada
>Hookers and Poker!
>New Hampshire
>Go Away And Leave Us Alone
>New Jersey
>You Want A ##$%##! Motto?
>I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto
>Right here!
>New Mexico
>Lizards Make Excellent Pets
>New York
>You Have The Right To Remain Silent,
>You Have The Right
>To An Attorney...
>North Carolina
>Tobacco Is A Vegetable
>North Dakota
>We Really Are One Of The 50 States!
>Ohio
>At Least We're Not Michigan
>Oklahoma
>Like The Play, But No Singing
>Oregon
>Spotted Owl...It's What's For Dinner
>Pennsylvania
>Cook With Coal
>Rhode Island
>We're Not REALLY An Island
>South Carolina
>Remember The Civil War?
>Well, We Didn't Actually Surrender Yet
>South Dakota
>Closer Than North Dakota
>Tennessee
>The Edyoocashun State
>Texas
>Se Hablo Ingles
>Utah
>Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
>Vermont
>Ay, Yep
>Virginia
>Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?
>Washington
>We have more rain than you do
>West Virginia
>One Big Happy Family...Really!
>Wisconsin
>Come Cut The Cheese!
>Wyoming
>Where Men Are Men... And The Sheep Are Scared
The Proctologist
A proctologist walks into a bank, preparing to endorse a check. She reaches in her pocket and pulls out a rectal thermometer and tries to write with it. She looks up at the teller, pauses for a moment, then realizing her mistake, she says, "Well that's great......just great.....Some asshole's got my pen."
The Mexican
A Mexican family crosses the border to the Land of Milk and Honey
where the streets are supposed to be paved with gold. But the
husband can find no work. His family is hungry, so he takes a walk to
a quiet place at the foot of a big hill, kneels at the base of a
tree, and begins to pray: Sweet Jesus, please show me a way to feed
my family..."
Eyes closed, the Mexican does not see the Black man coming over the
top of the hill, who is struggling with a broken grocery sack and
loses a wheel of his cheese. When the Mexican man opens his eyes, the
large wheel of cheddar cheese from the Black man's grocery bag rolls
down the hill and lands at the Mexican's feet! "Oh, thank you Jesus,
thank you!" he cries, grabs the cheese, and runs straight home. Upon
returning home, he gives the cheese to his wife and instructs her
to make nachos.
"But wouldn't you rather have cheese enchiladas and
burritos and other things?" She inquires.
"No," the husband says, "Jesus sent this to me with a message...As I
ran home, I kept hearing a voice from Him yelling, 'THAT'S NACHO CHEESE!
THAT'S NACHO CHEESE!
where the streets are supposed to be paved with gold. But the
husband can find no work. His family is hungry, so he takes a walk to
a quiet place at the foot of a big hill, kneels at the base of a
tree, and begins to pray: Sweet Jesus, please show me a way to feed
my family..."
Eyes closed, the Mexican does not see the Black man coming over the
top of the hill, who is struggling with a broken grocery sack and
loses a wheel of his cheese. When the Mexican man opens his eyes, the
large wheel of cheddar cheese from the Black man's grocery bag rolls
down the hill and lands at the Mexican's feet! "Oh, thank you Jesus,
thank you!" he cries, grabs the cheese, and runs straight home. Upon
returning home, he gives the cheese to his wife and instructs her
to make nachos.
"But wouldn't you rather have cheese enchiladas and
burritos and other things?" She inquires.
"No," the husband says, "Jesus sent this to me with a message...As I
ran home, I kept hearing a voice from Him yelling, 'THAT'S NACHO CHEESE!
THAT'S NACHO CHEESE!
Honk If You Love Jesus
Dear Sarah,
The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a
"Honk If You Love Jesus"
bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
Boy, I'm glad I did! What an uplifting experience followed!
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is...and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed! I found that LOTS of people love Jesus!
While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of GOD! GO! GO! Jesus Christ, GO!"
What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!
There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a "sunny beach"... I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.
Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing ... he was enjoying this religious experience, too!
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.
Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!
Love, Grandma
The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a
"Honk If You Love Jesus"
bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
Boy, I'm glad I did! What an uplifting experience followed!
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is...and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed! I found that LOTS of people love Jesus!
While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of GOD! GO! GO! Jesus Christ, GO!"
What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!
There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a "sunny beach"... I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.
Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing ... he was enjoying this religious experience, too!
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.
Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!
Love, Grandma
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
The Medallion
Jackie Chan, where have you gone? This is not the real Jackie Chan.
Okay, it's official. Jackie Chan sucks now. He used to be so cool back when he was making Hong Kong movies. Ever since he went Hollywood, his movies have gone downhill. What happened to his great movies like Drunken Master, Operation Condor, and Who Am I? Those were fun to watch. Now, he's over-the-hill and lame. His fighting style and humor have been watered down a lot. Now, with The Medallion and The Tuxedo, he has done the unthinkable. He has given in to the use of CGI and stuntment. The great thing about Jackie Chan was that he did all those incredible stunts all by himself. If he's too old to do them now, then he should just quit churning out these god awful movies.
In the Medallion, Jackie has to save a young buddhist boy from a sinister white guy that goes by the name of Snakehead. Snakey seems to want that boy for some reason. Jackie tries to find out why. He's hoping to god that Snakehead is not a catholic priest who wants to go "Michael Jackson" on that little boy.
Jackie plays a Hong Kong supercop like in Police Story. Along the way he teams up with an Irish Interpol agent named Watson. Watson is the biggest goofy dork since Pee Wee Herman and Mr. Bean. He has big dumbo ears and thinks he's the baddest secret agent since Bond. Watson keeps telling Jackie that he's the leader, but he's nothing but a slapstick sidekick that produces a lot of groans from the audience.
Why does Watson even have to pretend he's a librarian to his family instead of an interpol agent? This movie doesn't make any sense at all. Apparently Jackie gets Jungle Fever once again in this movie as he teams up with actress Claire Forlani, who plays his ex-lover that he reunites with in Ireland. Unbelievably, Watson also has Jungle Fever and has a Chinese Irish wife. Later on, when the attackers invade their home, his wife starts kicking ass and starts kicking the bad guys' faces. Why is a housewife such a good fighter? Is it because she's Asian, and all Asians know Kung Fu?
This movie might be a good flick for kids 12 and under. This movie is a groaner for anyone who's old enough to produce kids.
Jackie and CGI is just not a good combination. Jackie's entire appeal was his unique and highly entertaining fighting style. Jackie had enough energy to produce incredibly choreographed fight scenes with a comedic style. He apparently lost most of this now that he's older. His natural talents really shined in his movies when he was younger. Now his movies suck hard.
There's one chase scene where Jackie chases a black pimp down the streets of downtown Dublin. The black pimp can run and hurdle over tables and fences. Jackie uses CGI to chase after him. He jumps on top of parked bikes as if he's running on top of giant toppling dominoes. Why would bikes make ringing bikebell sounds when he jumps on bike seats? That's so lame! They use cartoony sound effects. And why didn't Jackie have an Interpol agent arrest the pimp and interrogate him instead of simply leaving him in the trash can?
Watson his goofball sidekick with the inferiority/superiority complex keeps bossing Jackie around telling him that he's the head librarian.
Jackie's Irish lover, Claire, also happens to kick butt too. All the women in his movies kick ass when they fight.
Jackie dies when he and the buddhist boy goes inside the shipping container and the container gets knocked into the harbor. What are the chances of them having an inflatable raft and glow sticks inside the container though? Jackie drowns to death, but after the buddhist boy touches corpse Jackie with the Medallion, resurrected Jackie #2 appears naked. Jackie #2 asks Watson "What's wrong?" while Watson is looking at Jackie's dead body at the morgue. Watson freaks out and shows dead Jackie #1 to him. Jackie #2 says that Jackie #1 must be a fake.
Jackie #2 says, "My nose isn't that big."
Then, Jackie #2 looks at his naked exposed dick and says, "That must be me."
Watson responds, "How do you know?"
Jackie #2: "Don't you think I can recognize my own thing?"
Jackie #2 looks at the Medallion, and the snake and fish carvings start moving. Then, dead Jackie #1's dead body turns into dust, blows away, and completely disappears.
Jackie looks at the nurse who is trying to feed the buddhist boy with poisoned pudding.
Resurrected Jackie: That nurse. Her boots.
Watson lustily: "Yeah"
He cups his 2 hands in front of his chest and smiles, thinking Jackie was talking about her luscious boobs.
Jackie shaking his head: No! Her boots! Nurses don't wear boots.
They start chasing after her. The nurse can also kick ass and runs away. During the fight with some other bad guys, Jackie realizes that the Medallion also gave him super powers. The buddhist boy is the chosen one. Buddhist boy has resurrected Jackie with the Medallion and now he is Super Jackie. He's invincible to even bullets, although he feels all the pain, but is quickly healed afterward.
Jackie tries to explain his new found powers to Watson. But why does Jackie ask Watson to hit him on the head with a bed pan full of urine? Couldn't he have shown his super powers to him another way? Jeez.
Then, Jackie gives Watson a knife to stab him with. Watson keeps stabbing Jackie. Jackie can feel the pain, but there is no damage to him. Watson then proceeds to stab him in the butt.
The Medallion is the holy grail of eastern mythology. One needs both halves of the Medallion for immortality and invincibility. The Medallion can give life and also has the power to take it away.
One half of the Medallion gives resurrection and super powers. But two halves of the Medallion give the bearer both invincibility and immortality. The buddhist boy is the chosen one who can grant this power. Evil Snakehead wants it so that he can rule the world forever with his own selfish plans.
Snakehead gets the other half of the Medallion from the buddhist boy and also gets super powers. If he gets both halves, then he'll be unstoppable.
The buddhist boy tells Jackie to throw the Medallion at Snakehead, because the Medallion can also end the life that it gave. The Medallion goes through Snakehead and the snake and fish demons take him to hell or wherever he's destined to go to. This doesn't make a lick of sense, because you can touch the Medallion and be okay. But, don't get hit by the Medallion or else! Totally ridiculous!
I hated the CGI fighting too. This made the movie dumb and Ludicris.
Why don't they use the Medallion to make a race of superhumans? Would that be abusing its power? Watson begs the boy to grant him the powers. He says he's very sick and starts coughing and choking, but the boy just smiles and wouldn't help the dork. The boy is wise. What a tragedy it would be for the world to allow that clumsy dunce to have super powers.
The buddhist boy then walks into an invisible vortex into the next universe. Jackie and Claire run at supersonic speeds together and fly away. Please don't make a sequel. And, Jackie, please retire.
The second half of the movie is better than the first half. Sometimes, it's funny in a lame ass way. Some of the fighting and CGI is fun to watch, but it's mostly stupid and totally absurd. This movie is filled with moronic immature potty comedy and retarded one-liners.
The movie is supposed to be inspired from the legend of Highbinders-powerful knights or warriors. Some legends are just meant to die.
The highs: A nice fighting sequence here and there. A laugh or two once in awhile.
The lows: Really inane immature humor. Unconvincing CGI fighting scenes. Jackie is just going downhill. Watson is a lame ass sidekick that needs to get kicked in the nuts.
The Verdict: Jackie Chan is no more. This is a fake CGI Jackie and his humor is getting more childish.
My rating: 60, D-.
Okay, it's official. Jackie Chan sucks now. He used to be so cool back when he was making Hong Kong movies. Ever since he went Hollywood, his movies have gone downhill. What happened to his great movies like Drunken Master, Operation Condor, and Who Am I? Those were fun to watch. Now, he's over-the-hill and lame. His fighting style and humor have been watered down a lot. Now, with The Medallion and The Tuxedo, he has done the unthinkable. He has given in to the use of CGI and stuntment. The great thing about Jackie Chan was that he did all those incredible stunts all by himself. If he's too old to do them now, then he should just quit churning out these god awful movies.
In the Medallion, Jackie has to save a young buddhist boy from a sinister white guy that goes by the name of Snakehead. Snakey seems to want that boy for some reason. Jackie tries to find out why. He's hoping to god that Snakehead is not a catholic priest who wants to go "Michael Jackson" on that little boy.
Jackie plays a Hong Kong supercop like in Police Story. Along the way he teams up with an Irish Interpol agent named Watson. Watson is the biggest goofy dork since Pee Wee Herman and Mr. Bean. He has big dumbo ears and thinks he's the baddest secret agent since Bond. Watson keeps telling Jackie that he's the leader, but he's nothing but a slapstick sidekick that produces a lot of groans from the audience.
Why does Watson even have to pretend he's a librarian to his family instead of an interpol agent? This movie doesn't make any sense at all. Apparently Jackie gets Jungle Fever once again in this movie as he teams up with actress Claire Forlani, who plays his ex-lover that he reunites with in Ireland. Unbelievably, Watson also has Jungle Fever and has a Chinese Irish wife. Later on, when the attackers invade their home, his wife starts kicking ass and starts kicking the bad guys' faces. Why is a housewife such a good fighter? Is it because she's Asian, and all Asians know Kung Fu?
This movie might be a good flick for kids 12 and under. This movie is a groaner for anyone who's old enough to produce kids.
Jackie and CGI is just not a good combination. Jackie's entire appeal was his unique and highly entertaining fighting style. Jackie had enough energy to produce incredibly choreographed fight scenes with a comedic style. He apparently lost most of this now that he's older. His natural talents really shined in his movies when he was younger. Now his movies suck hard.
There's one chase scene where Jackie chases a black pimp down the streets of downtown Dublin. The black pimp can run and hurdle over tables and fences. Jackie uses CGI to chase after him. He jumps on top of parked bikes as if he's running on top of giant toppling dominoes. Why would bikes make ringing bikebell sounds when he jumps on bike seats? That's so lame! They use cartoony sound effects. And why didn't Jackie have an Interpol agent arrest the pimp and interrogate him instead of simply leaving him in the trash can?
Watson his goofball sidekick with the inferiority/superiority complex keeps bossing Jackie around telling him that he's the head librarian.
Jackie's Irish lover, Claire, also happens to kick butt too. All the women in his movies kick ass when they fight.
Jackie dies when he and the buddhist boy goes inside the shipping container and the container gets knocked into the harbor. What are the chances of them having an inflatable raft and glow sticks inside the container though? Jackie drowns to death, but after the buddhist boy touches corpse Jackie with the Medallion, resurrected Jackie #2 appears naked. Jackie #2 asks Watson "What's wrong?" while Watson is looking at Jackie's dead body at the morgue. Watson freaks out and shows dead Jackie #1 to him. Jackie #2 says that Jackie #1 must be a fake.
Jackie #2 says, "My nose isn't that big."
Then, Jackie #2 looks at his naked exposed dick and says, "That must be me."
Watson responds, "How do you know?"
Jackie #2: "Don't you think I can recognize my own thing?"
Jackie #2 looks at the Medallion, and the snake and fish carvings start moving. Then, dead Jackie #1's dead body turns into dust, blows away, and completely disappears.
Jackie looks at the nurse who is trying to feed the buddhist boy with poisoned pudding.
Resurrected Jackie: That nurse. Her boots.
Watson lustily: "Yeah"
He cups his 2 hands in front of his chest and smiles, thinking Jackie was talking about her luscious boobs.
Jackie shaking his head: No! Her boots! Nurses don't wear boots.
They start chasing after her. The nurse can also kick ass and runs away. During the fight with some other bad guys, Jackie realizes that the Medallion also gave him super powers. The buddhist boy is the chosen one. Buddhist boy has resurrected Jackie with the Medallion and now he is Super Jackie. He's invincible to even bullets, although he feels all the pain, but is quickly healed afterward.
Jackie tries to explain his new found powers to Watson. But why does Jackie ask Watson to hit him on the head with a bed pan full of urine? Couldn't he have shown his super powers to him another way? Jeez.
Then, Jackie gives Watson a knife to stab him with. Watson keeps stabbing Jackie. Jackie can feel the pain, but there is no damage to him. Watson then proceeds to stab him in the butt.
The Medallion is the holy grail of eastern mythology. One needs both halves of the Medallion for immortality and invincibility. The Medallion can give life and also has the power to take it away.
One half of the Medallion gives resurrection and super powers. But two halves of the Medallion give the bearer both invincibility and immortality. The buddhist boy is the chosen one who can grant this power. Evil Snakehead wants it so that he can rule the world forever with his own selfish plans.
Snakehead gets the other half of the Medallion from the buddhist boy and also gets super powers. If he gets both halves, then he'll be unstoppable.
The buddhist boy tells Jackie to throw the Medallion at Snakehead, because the Medallion can also end the life that it gave. The Medallion goes through Snakehead and the snake and fish demons take him to hell or wherever he's destined to go to. This doesn't make a lick of sense, because you can touch the Medallion and be okay. But, don't get hit by the Medallion or else! Totally ridiculous!
I hated the CGI fighting too. This made the movie dumb and Ludicris.
Why don't they use the Medallion to make a race of superhumans? Would that be abusing its power? Watson begs the boy to grant him the powers. He says he's very sick and starts coughing and choking, but the boy just smiles and wouldn't help the dork. The boy is wise. What a tragedy it would be for the world to allow that clumsy dunce to have super powers.
The buddhist boy then walks into an invisible vortex into the next universe. Jackie and Claire run at supersonic speeds together and fly away. Please don't make a sequel. And, Jackie, please retire.
The second half of the movie is better than the first half. Sometimes, it's funny in a lame ass way. Some of the fighting and CGI is fun to watch, but it's mostly stupid and totally absurd. This movie is filled with moronic immature potty comedy and retarded one-liners.
The movie is supposed to be inspired from the legend of Highbinders-powerful knights or warriors. Some legends are just meant to die.
The highs: A nice fighting sequence here and there. A laugh or two once in awhile.
The lows: Really inane immature humor. Unconvincing CGI fighting scenes. Jackie is just going downhill. Watson is a lame ass sidekick that needs to get kicked in the nuts.
The Verdict: Jackie Chan is no more. This is a fake CGI Jackie and his humor is getting more childish.
My rating: 60, D-.
Monday, April 03, 2006
Rent
We're not going to pay rent!
I don't know why these guys weren't evicted years ago for not paying the rent, but I loved the theatrical musical. I heard a lot of people didn't like this movie version, but I liked the movie as well.
My sister got me into musicals. I first started singing songs from Les Miserables when I listened to her CD's. I love Andrew Lloyd Webber musicals. Then, I got into Rent. I saw the musical with my sister several years ago and I loved it.
The singing in this movie is awesome. The background material is not going to be appealing to some people though.
This is not like any other type of movie. It's a musical movie. 99% of it is in song. I can understand why many people didn't think that this musical translated well into a movie.
The movie, however, does a fantastic job of filling in the gaps of the musical. Sometimes, in the theatrical musical of RENT, there's some difficulty following what's going on since they're just acting it out on stage. In the movie version, it's much easier to understand what's going on, because you can clearly see what they're doing. The movie has the advantage of being able to set the scene in many different environments, while on stage, there's just one backdrop.
This movie is strictly for people who like musicals or for RENT fans only. Everyone else will be scratching their heads wondering what the hell this movie's about.
The movie's about bohemian artistic types that shun conventional manners and social mores approved of by the majority of society. It's filled with people who have AIDS, gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transvestites, drug addicts, and strippers. I normally would not watch this type of stuff nor would I approve of anything they do, but the heart of the movie is about love and friendship.
The story is not just about people with AIDS, but the message of the movie is accepting people for who they are. It makes you think twice before judging other people by their lifestyles or outer appearances. What's most important is what's inside a person that counts. The story and the songs are very touching.
I love singing along with the songs, but I'm not gay nor do I have AIDS. I just like musicals in general. And RENT, is one of my favorites.
I used to sing along to the CD's all the time. The singing takes some getting used to when you hear different people singing the songs you've heard a hundred times on the CD, but you get used to it very quickly, because everyone in the movie sings fabulously. After all, most of them were in the original Broadway musical of RENT.
I can't imagine any straight guys wanting to see this if they haven't seen the musical before. For the unitiated, this might be too freaky for them. You see two gays french kissing.
You learn acceptance and compassion for all people through this film.
525,600 minutes in one year. How do you measure a year in the life of a woman or a man (or a transvestite)? Life is short. (--Especially for people who have AIDS.) How are you going to live your life? Measure your life in love.
Even though I'm not gay, I like gays in general. They're one of the nicest guys I know.
The story mainly focuses on 8 friends during the course of one year. It takes place in NYC Alphabet City, a bohemian slum. Mark is a film maker who hates pretension and chooses to live in bohemia. Roger is a song writer who used to be a rock star. His gf, April, died from AIDS. Roger has AIDS too. Mimi is a stripper who strips to feed her heroin habit. She got AIDS from an infected needle. She falls in love with Roger. Benny is a guy who married a rich girl, moved away from the neighborhood, and wants to build a state of the art studio where the tent city currently stands. Maureen is a bisexual slut who is a performance artist that flirts with anything that breathes. Joanne is her lesbian lover who happens to be a lawyer. Tom Collins is a NYU professor who got expelled for his theory of actual reality. Collins later falls in love with Angel when he/she nurses him back to health after he gets his ass kicked by some street thugs in the alley. Now, Angel is a drag queen with a heart of an angel that likes to play drums on his/her upside down bucket.
The Highs: Awesome singing. The movie's more complete and easier to follow than the original musical. Songs are emotionally touching.
The Lows: The theatrical musical's style may not translate well onto film. Too queer for the straight guy.
The Verdict: For RENT fans only.
My rating: A, 91.
I don't know why these guys weren't evicted years ago for not paying the rent, but I loved the theatrical musical. I heard a lot of people didn't like this movie version, but I liked the movie as well.
My sister got me into musicals. I first started singing songs from Les Miserables when I listened to her CD's. I love Andrew Lloyd Webber musicals. Then, I got into Rent. I saw the musical with my sister several years ago and I loved it.
The singing in this movie is awesome. The background material is not going to be appealing to some people though.
This is not like any other type of movie. It's a musical movie. 99% of it is in song. I can understand why many people didn't think that this musical translated well into a movie.
The movie, however, does a fantastic job of filling in the gaps of the musical. Sometimes, in the theatrical musical of RENT, there's some difficulty following what's going on since they're just acting it out on stage. In the movie version, it's much easier to understand what's going on, because you can clearly see what they're doing. The movie has the advantage of being able to set the scene in many different environments, while on stage, there's just one backdrop.
This movie is strictly for people who like musicals or for RENT fans only. Everyone else will be scratching their heads wondering what the hell this movie's about.
The movie's about bohemian artistic types that shun conventional manners and social mores approved of by the majority of society. It's filled with people who have AIDS, gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transvestites, drug addicts, and strippers. I normally would not watch this type of stuff nor would I approve of anything they do, but the heart of the movie is about love and friendship.
The story is not just about people with AIDS, but the message of the movie is accepting people for who they are. It makes you think twice before judging other people by their lifestyles or outer appearances. What's most important is what's inside a person that counts. The story and the songs are very touching.
I love singing along with the songs, but I'm not gay nor do I have AIDS. I just like musicals in general. And RENT, is one of my favorites.
I used to sing along to the CD's all the time. The singing takes some getting used to when you hear different people singing the songs you've heard a hundred times on the CD, but you get used to it very quickly, because everyone in the movie sings fabulously. After all, most of them were in the original Broadway musical of RENT.
I can't imagine any straight guys wanting to see this if they haven't seen the musical before. For the unitiated, this might be too freaky for them. You see two gays french kissing.
You learn acceptance and compassion for all people through this film.
525,600 minutes in one year. How do you measure a year in the life of a woman or a man (or a transvestite)? Life is short. (--Especially for people who have AIDS.) How are you going to live your life? Measure your life in love.
Even though I'm not gay, I like gays in general. They're one of the nicest guys I know.
The story mainly focuses on 8 friends during the course of one year. It takes place in NYC Alphabet City, a bohemian slum. Mark is a film maker who hates pretension and chooses to live in bohemia. Roger is a song writer who used to be a rock star. His gf, April, died from AIDS. Roger has AIDS too. Mimi is a stripper who strips to feed her heroin habit. She got AIDS from an infected needle. She falls in love with Roger. Benny is a guy who married a rich girl, moved away from the neighborhood, and wants to build a state of the art studio where the tent city currently stands. Maureen is a bisexual slut who is a performance artist that flirts with anything that breathes. Joanne is her lesbian lover who happens to be a lawyer. Tom Collins is a NYU professor who got expelled for his theory of actual reality. Collins later falls in love with Angel when he/she nurses him back to health after he gets his ass kicked by some street thugs in the alley. Now, Angel is a drag queen with a heart of an angel that likes to play drums on his/her upside down bucket.
The Highs: Awesome singing. The movie's more complete and easier to follow than the original musical. Songs are emotionally touching.
The Lows: The theatrical musical's style may not translate well onto film. Too queer for the straight guy.
The Verdict: For RENT fans only.
My rating: A, 91.
Azumi
Azumi is a pretty Japanese girl that can kill 200 hundred soldiers. Who doesn't want to watch that?
This movie is based on a Japanese manga of the same name by Yu Koyama. Ryuhei Kitamura, who also made Versus, is the producer. Aya Ueto stars as Azumi.
Azumi is one of 10 teenagers who have been taken in by a martial arts expert and war veteran. When she was a small girl, Azumi was found crying next to her dead mother's body after the war. She joins the old martial arts expert and is trained to become an assassin.
One day, the martial arts expert tells the 10 teens to pair up with their best friend. Then, he tells them to kill each other. Azumi kills her childhood friend with her sword. Then, there's only five of them left. Apparently, they have to do this for graduation. That's a school I wouldn't want to go to. Only half of them graduate. They have to prepare themselves to become coldhearted assassins in order to complete the difficult mission they have ahead of them.
The old master tells them that they need to kill 3 Samurai warlords from gaining control of Japan. On their journey to assassinating them, the five young killers encounter a lot of weirdos and the group starts getting killed off.
There's a lot of swordfighting, but it was thoroughly unconvincing. You can tell that the fighters were just acting. The swordfighting choreography was bad. They just spun around pretending that they got slashed by a sword, but you couldn't see any impact. You don't really see any sword contact on people's bodies, and when you do, you can tell that it was really light.
There's this psychopath that reminded me a little of Sephiroth from Final Fantasy 7. He looked very feminine wearing white robes. He had blush on and carried a red rose all the time. He's a master swordfighter, despite his appearance. Even when he kills tons of people with his sword, he gets no blood on his white robe. He must have really good stain resistant fabric on.
There was some Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon action in the movie, when some of the characters jumped really high up and down cliffs and buildings.
There was some stupid wacky sound effects sometimes.
The 10 assassins just looked like a bunch of goofballs. They didn't really look like good swordsmen. The battles just looked like kids pretending to have swordfights. The fighting and killing just didn't look real. The movie was a big dissappointment.
The only good scene was the last battle, where Azumi battles 200 guys. It made Kill Bill look pale in comparison.
The movie was artistically made. But, there were some parts that were just silly and goofy.
They also used never before seen camera angles. They used a technique to spin the camera 360 degrees from top to bottom. That was cool to watch.
In the end, Azumi chops off the guy in white's head off. She does it so quickly that the guy doesn't even know she sliced through his head until it falls off.
Azumi kills off the last samurai warlord by flying into the boat and slashing him. She then jumps into the water and swims away. She goes to make the sequel, Azumi 2, and a Playstation 2 videogame.
The Highs: Azumi is a very pretty delicate flower that is also lethal with her killing powers. Artistically made. Decent battle with 200 soldiers.
The Lows: Swordfighting didn't look real, and that was the main part of the movie.
The Verdict: A Japanese B movie Kill Bill.
My rating: D, 67.
This movie is based on a Japanese manga of the same name by Yu Koyama. Ryuhei Kitamura, who also made Versus, is the producer. Aya Ueto stars as Azumi.
Azumi is one of 10 teenagers who have been taken in by a martial arts expert and war veteran. When she was a small girl, Azumi was found crying next to her dead mother's body after the war. She joins the old martial arts expert and is trained to become an assassin.
One day, the martial arts expert tells the 10 teens to pair up with their best friend. Then, he tells them to kill each other. Azumi kills her childhood friend with her sword. Then, there's only five of them left. Apparently, they have to do this for graduation. That's a school I wouldn't want to go to. Only half of them graduate. They have to prepare themselves to become coldhearted assassins in order to complete the difficult mission they have ahead of them.
The old master tells them that they need to kill 3 Samurai warlords from gaining control of Japan. On their journey to assassinating them, the five young killers encounter a lot of weirdos and the group starts getting killed off.
There's a lot of swordfighting, but it was thoroughly unconvincing. You can tell that the fighters were just acting. The swordfighting choreography was bad. They just spun around pretending that they got slashed by a sword, but you couldn't see any impact. You don't really see any sword contact on people's bodies, and when you do, you can tell that it was really light.
There's this psychopath that reminded me a little of Sephiroth from Final Fantasy 7. He looked very feminine wearing white robes. He had blush on and carried a red rose all the time. He's a master swordfighter, despite his appearance. Even when he kills tons of people with his sword, he gets no blood on his white robe. He must have really good stain resistant fabric on.
There was some Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon action in the movie, when some of the characters jumped really high up and down cliffs and buildings.
There was some stupid wacky sound effects sometimes.
The 10 assassins just looked like a bunch of goofballs. They didn't really look like good swordsmen. The battles just looked like kids pretending to have swordfights. The fighting and killing just didn't look real. The movie was a big dissappointment.
The only good scene was the last battle, where Azumi battles 200 guys. It made Kill Bill look pale in comparison.
The movie was artistically made. But, there were some parts that were just silly and goofy.
They also used never before seen camera angles. They used a technique to spin the camera 360 degrees from top to bottom. That was cool to watch.
In the end, Azumi chops off the guy in white's head off. She does it so quickly that the guy doesn't even know she sliced through his head until it falls off.
Azumi kills off the last samurai warlord by flying into the boat and slashing him. She then jumps into the water and swims away. She goes to make the sequel, Azumi 2, and a Playstation 2 videogame.
The Highs: Azumi is a very pretty delicate flower that is also lethal with her killing powers. Artistically made. Decent battle with 200 soldiers.
The Lows: Swordfighting didn't look real, and that was the main part of the movie.
The Verdict: A Japanese B movie Kill Bill.
My rating: D, 67.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)