Wednesday, May 31, 2006 

Mission: Impossible III





Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to read my review of Mission: Impossible III.

Tom Cruise returns as Secret Agent Ethan Hunt who has to stop a ruthless arms dealer, Owen Davian (Academy Award winner Philip Seymour Hoffman).

This was a fun action-packed spy thriller similar to the previous M:I movies and comparable to James Bond flicks. It was a great eye-candy filled popcorn flick, but just like junk food, the enjoyment is quickly forgotten as soon as the film ends.

You may have to think about it for a little bit as you try to figure out the questions you had about the plot twists and plot holes, but all the explosions distract you from thinking too much about the plot. Like a rollercoaster, I just enjoyed the ride instead of thinking too much about J. J. Abrams' deeper story about government conspiracies and corruption.

I love J. J. Abrams' t.v. show, Alias. I thought season one was mindblowing. His other tv series, Lost, also is extremely popular with the tv audience. However, in his latest project, I thought he focused too much on satisfying the masses with lots of action and explosions instead of fine-tuning his usual brilliant script writing. The ending was too sugary sweet and lacked his usual cliffhangers.

Although I enjoyed watching M:I:III, I didn't like it as much as M:I:I and M:I:II. In I, I really liked its originality and suspense. It had a great style and the plot twists were fresh and new. M:I:II had John Woo's visual flare and style.

In the third one, Abrams wanted to introduce a deeper romantic storyline. Ethan Hunt gets married and we see the dangers this poses to the loved ones of people in this line of work.

The movie starts off with Davian interrogating Hunt as he and his wife are tied up. Davian wants to know where the Rabbit's Foot is. Hunt keeps blabbing on as he stalls for time. Davian doesn't want to play games and shoots Hunt's wife in the leg. Then, he shoots her in the head.

The film flashes back to tell how they got to that point. Hunt's girlfriend is a nurse who doesn't know he's a secret agent man. He tells her that he works for the Department of Transportation. He tells her friends how he's fascinated with traffic. The guys think he's a bore and the girls think he's a catch. I guess girls are attracted to guys who look good and are passionate about their jobs. He gets a phone call and he meets another agent at 7-11. What I don't get is how someone can wait inside 7-11 waiting for another person, especially a secret agent. Wouldn't it be very suspicious if someone was standing in the aisles of 7-11 for a long time? What if Tom Cruise took his time getting there? After waiting there for like half an hour, they then proceed to talk secretively there. Not a great choice if you realistically want to be on the down low.

His boss tells him that he is needed to save an agent that has been captured. Hunt has been working as a trainer now instead of a field agent. One of his trainees has been captured by the bad guys. He says that she was a like a little sister to him. Ving Rhames asks if he's slept with his "little sister".

He and his special team manage to rescue secret agent Kerri Russell, but a small bomb that was implanted in her head goes off and she kicks the bucket.

Hunt is sad. He is told he has to go after Davian. He tells his gf that he has to go on a business trip for several days. She starts getting suspicious as to why he's been going away so much and acting so strange lately. Hunt marries his gf as a way of showing his love to her so that she can trust him. All of his co-agents tell him that people in their line of work shouldn't get hitched, but he tells them that it's too late. He tied the knot already.

He and his team hunt Davian down. They take photos of him and make a lifelike mask of him. That's cool, but unbelievable.

Tom Cruise starts going crazy on Davian demanding to know where the Rabbit's Foot is. Davian is such a icy cold villain that he keeps his cool and has the balls to threaten Cruise by saying that he's going to hurt his loved one and kill her in front of him.

Davian has connections within the agency so he escapes. During the bridge/helicopter escape scene, Tom Cruise manages to escape being blown up, but the blast pushes him sideways into the white Dodge Stratus. Everyone who watches action movies know that a blast would push him straight forward and not sideways.






They speculate that the Rabbit's Foot is probably an "Anti-God" end-of-the-world-type weapon. The U.S. government has sold this weapon to middle eastern bad guys and they're hoping that they would blow themselves all up. This way, they can start rebuilding the world the way they think it should be. --All in the name of democracy.

There's a lot of plot twists. People are not who they appear to be. Swinging and base jumping across buildings in Shanghai City. Split second decisions. Close calls. It's all there.

Finally, we get back to scene one again. Hunt is tied up along with his wife. His wife gets shot. I would have just told the bad guy where the Rabbit's Foot was. But, it turns out that it wasn't his wife. It was just a mask. The woman underneath the mask was really the translator that failed him before.

Hunt escapes and finds his wife trapped somewhere else. He beats up the bad guy, but the bomb in his head discharges and he gets a splitting headache. They continue fighting in the streets. The bad guy gets run over by a truck. His nurse wife tries to help him. He says he needs her to electrocute him to short circuit the discharge. She doesn't want to kill him, but he says, "If you don't kill me, I'll die." She fries him. He flatlines. She uses her nursing skills and resurrect him. They walk away happy and in love as Chinese people start running around frantically trying to figure out the cause of all the destruction around them.

She wants to know the truth and he says that he works for the IMF. No, it's not the International Monetary Fund. It's the Impossible Mission Force. She laughs, "Yah right!" I can't take that name seriously either.

They never find out what the Rabbit's Foot really was, but everyone starts cheering for Tom Cruise and his new wife.

The Highs: Great action, suspense, plot twists, explosions. Lots of adrenaline.

The Lows: Sappy romance. Corny ending. Lots of plot holes, but the explosions cover them up really well.

The Verdict: A fun rollercoaster ride with your pal, crazy Tom Cruise.

My rating: B, 82.

This review, may or may not, self-destruct in 10 seconds.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006 


A baby seal. . .trying to eat beached seawood due to extreme hunger and delirium. Posted by Picasa

 


A tired and sick looking baby seal looking for its mommy. Posted by Picasa

 


A baby seal crawls its way toward the beach. We saw a mother seal swimming around looking for the baby, but it kept swimming further south. Hopefully, mother and baby seal reunited later on. Posted by Picasa

 


There were a lot of people at Zuma Beach over the Memorial Day weekend. Posted by Picasa

 


Mikey underneath our lowridin' beach umbrella. We forgot to bring the other piece of our umbrella stem, so we had the baddest lowest rising umbrella out there. Posted by Picasa

 


Sarah and Mikey blasting out bubbles with his super duper bubble gun. He tagged a lot of beach bums with his bubbles, so watch out! Posted by Picasa

 


Mikey relaxing at Zuma Beach on Memorial Day after a nice picnic. Posted by Picasa

 


The mountains in Glendora were really beautiful this past Saturday. There were some scattered showers which made for a nice cool scenic ride. This is also road bike heaven since Glendora Mountain Road is closed off to automobile traffic. There are several miles of closed off pavement for roadies to enjoy. This would also be a fantastic spot for lugeboarders. The only problem would be getting your lugeboard to the top. Otherwise it's perfect. Posted by Picasa

 


My friend's exotic and very expensive Ellsworth Truth dual suspension mountain bike taking a break. Posted by Picasa

 


Me getting lost, muddy, and rained upon (but still in good spirits) at the lower Monroe Truck Trail in Glendora. Posted by Picasa

 


Near the beginning of the lower Monroe Truck Trail in Glendora. Posted by Picasa

 


This past Saturday, May 27, 2006, I went biking with my mountain biking buddy up to the lower Monroe Truck Trail in Glendora. It rained a little bit in the morning, but cleared up later. It made for a great ride. This stream crossing trail has changed a lot since the last time we rode up here about 4 years ago. Now, it's turned into a jungle. It looks pretty, but good luck trying to ride here. Posted by Picasa

Friday, May 26, 2006 


Crash: Getting pulled over and fingered. Posted by Picasa

 

Crash

"Why can't we all just get along?" --Rodney King, 1992.

Racism must die! But, unfortunately, it never will. It's part of human nature. Everybody tends to group other people according to their own beliefs. That is part of our own minds' heuristics. Heuristics are simple, efficient rules of thumb that our minds create to make sense of this world. Heuristics help us make decisions, judgments, and solve problems. Without them, we wouldn't be able to make any decisions and we would be overwhelmed by the massive amounts of information that bombard our senses, but sometimes, they lead to biases which are incorrect.

Hopefully, education and mass awareness will help us to get along and treat everyone respectfully. In order to do that, we have to treat everyone individually and not lump people into a group by their race. That means we'll have to get to know people on an individual basis instead of prejudging them. We'll still have our prejudices against other groups of people by other classifications like religion, social classes, political parties, etc., but at least it won't be through race or color.

Crash was a powerful movie about some people who come from vastly differing backgrounds and how they're lives all come crashing together within a span of 36 hours. The plot is complex as the filmmakers try to show how their lives are all interconnected in some way. The characters are complex as well. Each character symbolizes a different race, but they're very multi-dimensional.

Sandra Bullock plays a housewife who is married to the District Attorney of Los Angeles. They live in a nice Brentwood mansion. She seems to be stuck up and goes through anxiety that only rich people suffer from.

As Sandra Bullock and her husband, Brendan Fraser, the DA, finish their shopping at the Third Street Promenade, they get GTA'd by Ludicris and his friend, Peter.

Since Fraser's running for office, he is troubled by this carjacking and how the public will perceive it. He doesn't want to lose the black vote and he doesn't want to lose the law and order vote as well.

When they have a Mexican locksmith come to change the locks on their house, Sandra says she wants the locks changed again in the morning because the locksmith looks like a gangbanger. The locksmith overhears this and is sad. Then, he goes home and sees his young daughter hiding under her bed. She says she heard some gunshots and was scared. He gives her a magic invisible and impenetrable cloak that will protect her. He says a magic fairy gave it to him when he was young and he was never shot or stabbed before.

He goes on to fix a Persian shopowner's lock. He tells him that he can't fix the lock, because the shopkeeper needs a new door. The Persian guy gets pissed off because he feel that he's trying to rip him off. The Persian guy goes to a gunshop with his daughter to protect himself from recent robberies he's had. The gun dealer starts getting frustrated because the Persian guy keeps talking in his native language with his daughter instead of English. He tells him to get his terrorist ass out of his store. The daughter doesn't want the gun and would rather get their money back, but the gun dealer refuses to give them their money back and gives her the gun and lets her choose any type of ammunition she wants. She chooses the red box and storms away.

Later, the Persian shopkeepers store is destroyed by vandalism. He gets so freakin' angry he gets his gun and goes to shoot the Mexican locksmith, because he thinks it's all his fault since he didn't fix the lock. He waits for the locksmith to come home and right when he's about to shoot him, the locksmith's daughter runs towards her dad. She jumps right in front of her dad as the gun goes off. The locksmith cries out in agony believing that she's dead. Later, it turns out that somehow, miraculously, the bullet didn't go through her. The magic impenatrable cloak really worked!

The Persian shopkeeper is stunned. He can't believe what he had just done. He also is in disbelief about the girl being okay after he shot the gun. He tells his own daughter that the little girl was his angel.

The daughter is relieved that her shopkeeper dad has changed his attitude. She smiles, because she's the one that put blank bullets in the gun.

Meanwhile, two cops, Matt Dillon and his partner, are after two black carjackers who stole the D.A.'s black Navigator. They spot a black person who is driving a vehicle by the same description and pull him over. They spot a light-skinned black woman inside the SUV who lifts her head up after giving her husband fellatio. Dillon decides to have fun with them and harasses them. The black man (who is a movie director) and woman are in their car laughing because they can't believe they got caught, but they start getting scared once the officers tell them to get out of their car. Dillon starts frisking them and then puts his nasty hands all over the black director's wife. He starts fingerfucking her as her husband watches. The black director is a mild-mannered respectable man who grew up white. He didn't want to get in any trouble. He apologizes to the officers and asks to be let off with a warning. His wife looks at him with disgust and betrayal for his cowardice. She wanted him to fight back. But, what could he do in that difficult situation? If he fought back, the cops might have done something worse to them.

Ludicris and his friend drive around talking about philosophy and racism and why they do what they do. Ludicris defends himself by saying that they aren't robbing from black people. As he's driving recklessly, he hits an Asian Korean chinaman as the man tries to open his van. After running him over, they notice that they've been driving with him still stuck underneath the SUV.

That scene was pretty scary to watch. It makes me paranoid now everytime I go biking. I just pray that other cars don't hit me.

Ludicris throw the Korean chinaman in front of the hospital and take off. When they try to sell the SUV to a car chop shop, the owner of the chop shop says that he won't buy it because of the blood. On the Discovery Channel, they show how cops can detect and trace the blood. Then, Ludicris and his buddy carjack another black Navigator. This time, it's the black director's SUV. And this time, the black director's pissed. He's been fighting with his wife over the cop incident. He fights back even though Ludicris and his dawg have guns. Cops see them fighting and start chasing after them. The director and Ludicris both get in the car. They drive off and are followed by cop cars. Finally, the director gets out and starts cussing at the mofo police. Dillon's partner recognizes him and realizes that he's upset over last night's incident. He manages to calm him down and tells the cops not to shoot. The black director and Ludicris drive away shaken by what just happened. The director tells Ludicris that he's ashamed of him and that he should be ashamed of himself and let's him go. If it was me, I'd have the cops arrest him.

Dillon tells his partner, who asked to be reassigned because of Dillon's racism, says, "You think you know who you are? You have no idea."

Dillon's partner later drives home at night and gives a ride to someone. He turns out to be Ludicris' partner. They start talking. The black guy starts saying that he likes the country music he's playing on the radio and that he loves hockey. The off-duty police officer thinks that he's being sarcastic and they start getting into an argument. The black guy starts laughing because he sees that the white guy also carries around a little catholic figurine in his car. He starts pulling something out of his pocket and the white guy tells him not to. He pulls it out, but the white guy freaks out and shoots him. Bang! He pulls over and sees that the black guy was just pulling out the same figurine he had in his car. The white cop looks sad, but since he's scared, he throws the black guy's body down the side of the hill. He burns his beatup car and walks away.

A crowd of homeless people start gathering around the fire. Somehow, the movie director drives to the very same spot and pulls over. He looks like he's reminiscing over the past day's events and starts throwing wood over the burning car.

Earlier that day, Dillon responds to a car crash. He comes to save whoevers trapped inside the overturned car that's about to explode. It turns out to be the director's wife. She starts screaming to get away from her, but he assures her that he's not going to touch her. He saves her life seconds before the car turns into a fireball. He finds redemption. Dillon was mad because his dad, who helped blacks by hiring them, lost his government contract business when they gave the contract over to minorities. After his dad got sick, a black woman wouldn't help him because his HMO didn't cover him.

A black cop and his lover and partner, a Latina, are humping each other when his mom calls. He tells his mom, not now, because he's having sex with a white woman.

Later on, they get into a car accident, and he says this poetic, but bizarre statement: It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something.

I would have to disagree with his conclusion. That is definitely not why people crash into each other.

His mom just loved his prodigal brother. After getting out of the crash, the black cop sees that the police are investigating another crime scene. He sees that it was his brother who was shot, killed, and thrown down the hill.

His latina lover starts arguing with the Asian Korean chinawoman over who caused the accident. I've never heard such things coming out of a Korean lady (ahjumma) before. She was cursing and yelling racial epithets like there was no tomorrow. This didn't seem realistic to me. You'll never see a middle-aged Korean woman do this. She might say this in Korean, but not English.

The Korean lady rushes over to the hospital where her husband was. He was the guy who was run over by Ludicris.

Ludicris, after being dropped off on a street corner by the movie director, goes back to where he ran over the Korean guy. He discovers that inside the cargo minivan there were a dozen Chinese people. He goes to sell the car and its cargo. The car chop shop owner and his buddy were really happy to see its cargo 'cuz all they saw were dollar signs.

Ludicris, however, must have had a change of heart, because we see him dropping off the cargo in Chinatown. He let the Chinese people go and gave them $30 bucks for something to eat. The Chinese guy, who is scared, doesn't say anything and walks away with the money. "Damn dopey chinamen!"

What didn't make sense to me was that a couple of Koreans were running a Chinese smuggling business. I've never heard of that ever happening. That's not realistic. Why'd they screw this up like that in the movie?

I know I've left out a lot of other stuff that happened in the movie. The way the movie tried to portray the deeply convoluted interrelationships made it very complex. It reminds me of Magnolia and how that movie tried to show the interrelationships between its characters.

The movie did a good job showing the complexities of each character and their reasons for their motivations. The movie shows how nobody is completely good nor completely bad.

We're all affected by the actions of others. One good deed can really change another person for the better. This movie teaches us that how we act towards others can change the actions and attitudes of others for worse or for the better.

Okay, so the movie was too highly contrived. It may have been artistic, but laughably unrealistic, especially to that extent of the number of coincidences. This is the sort of thing found in Korean dramas where all the characters are deeply intertwined. But, at the same time, it's not totally impossible. In fact, everyone is connected to everybody else in one way or another in real life. Just look at the 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon.

I thought the acting was superb for the most part. But, the acting by the Koreans and the Persian shopkeeper were terrible. They were overacting. I thought Ludicris was a bit mouthy. He came off as a smart ass.

The story was really great. It's totally Oscar-worthy. I'm glad it won.

I think it's a movie that everyone should watch. It's not perfect, but it is an important movie because of its subject-matter and the way it shows the connection between different people. Whether you love it or hate it, you can't deny that's an important piece of work. It should be viewed in schools and discussed.

The Highs: Complex, powerful, profound, thought-provoking. Great acting, story, writing. Very emotional.

The Lows: Too contrived for some. For a movie about dispelling racism, it still mixes up Koreans and Chinese people. It also messes up Korean names. Kim Lee-what the heck?!

The Verdict: A must see film. Other films have tackled racism before, but none have presented its messages and characters in this way.

My rating: B+, 89.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006 

Ultraviolet


Combine the worst parts from all the latest kick-ass heroine-type movies and you get this piece of crap for a film. AtrociousViolet or should I say Uh-trociousviolet?

It starts off with an interesting premise. In a dystopian future, some people who are infected with a disease of the blood that turns people into "hemophages", that is, vampires, suffer persecution (immediate termination) from a fascist government. However, the movie suffers from exceedingly bad execution. The action is totally unrealistic. The fight scenes look like they're merely practicing their choreography instead of actually fighting. There is way too much fake looking CGI. What's up with the constant inexplicable changes in colors to her hair and outfits? There was no explanation for how or why colors just suddenly change.

There's a lot of action in the movie, but unfortunately, none of it is good.

This movie totally plagarizes from other femme fatale movies and mixes them all together. There is nothing original about the movie.

In example of some of the profound dialogue in the movie goes something like:

Hemophage vampire 1: How can you hope to defeat us? We're as strong as you...

Homophage vamp 2: . . .we're as fast as you. . .

Violet Song jat Shariff: ...but are you one-tenth as *pissed off* as I am?


Evil Daxus: I've got 700 men? What do you think you can do?

Violet: I can kill them.

All the lines in the movie sounded really corny.

They even seemed to have copied Star Wars' type weapons. In the movie, there are swords that extend out like lightsabers. They're metal swords but they appear from nowhere at the flick of the wrist. Apparently, they're some sort of hi-tech stuff that have programs that can be stored within human bodies. Violet keeps all sorts of weapons and modules in her body. She just pushes them into her leg and they're just stored inside her. Evidently, hemophages are like computer hardware where you can just insert add-ons into them.

In Violet's (Milla Jovovich) first mission, she has to obtain a briefcase. She's supposed to not let the bad guys get their hands on it. She can't compromise herself by looking at what's inside either. Curiosity gets the best of her and she opens it. There's a boy inside. What awesome technology! The sooner we discover magic the better I say.

At first, they think that the boy is the cure for the hemophages with all of his antigens. Then, they think he is a weapon to destroy the homophages. At the final battle with the sinister Draxus, she finds out that he is really a weapon to destroy humans because of over-population.

Draxus the bad guy looks like such a dork with his noseplugs.

In the last battle with Draxus, Violet finds out that Draxus is really a vampire too. He can see in complete darkness, but Violet (UV) can't see in the dark. Somehow, she sets her magically appearing sword and lights it on fire. They have a flaming sword fight in the dark and she chops him up into flaming BBQ pieces.

What's up with vampires that walk in sunlight but that can't see in the dark? I know Dracula. And you sir are no Dracula.

UV became a vampire because she was infected with the blood disease awhile ago and she turned into a hemophage. The government then killed her fetus while she was still pregnant. She becomes so pissed off that nothing can stop her on her quest for revenge.

Hemophages are vampires with superhuman powers, but they're also sick at the same time. What's so bad about having a disease where you're more powerful than regular humans? I think I can tolerate the occassional projectile vomiting if I could wipe out an entire army of men with my vampire skills and not get injured.

UV starts taking care of the little boy called 6U or just plain Six, for short. I guess her maternal instincts take over and she wants to protect him and be a surrogate mother. Draxus wants to get him back because he wants to use 6's blood to destroy humankind. Apparently, their technology was so good that people were living too long. He did his job too well and now he wants to make amends. But, he has even further sinister plans in mind. After he spreads the deadly disease across the world, whoever wants the antigens will have to come crawling to him in order to get the cure.

There are several cross symbols and resurrection themes. UV's tears somehow resurrect the boy when everyone thought he croaked. His skin looked like it was dissolving away to me.

UV also dies sometime in the middle of the movie, but gets resurrected by a vampire doctor. She doesn't want to live because she lost all hope. But, Dr. Vamp believes that she is the only one to save the world.

When she infiltrates Draxus' fortress, the computer with the female voice that checks her for weapons as she walks in says, "Weapons found . . .many." What kind of computer says that? It can't even count.

This movie can only be liked by the most immature of sci-fi fans.

This movie seemed to have ripped off a lot of other movies.

It stole Catwoman the movie's suckiness. It's very similar to Aeon Flux. She stole Jennifer Garner's looks from the Alias. She stole Electra's kick-ass abilities. The movie stole Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow's looks, but the unrealistic CGI really made the movie look crappy. They stole Star War's extending swords. It also borrows from the Matrix's themes and fighting styles. It's based on the Ultraviolet comic book series. The revenge theme and kill tons of bad guys theme is also reminescent of Kill Bill. It also got its themes from Underworld with Kate Beckinsale as the werewolf slaying vampiress.

Milla Jovovich likes to star in movies where she gets to show off her athletic prowess and bare midriff in minimalist costumes like in Resident Evil and The Fifth Element. I liked The Fifth Element a lot better than this turd.

The Highs: Milla Jovovich looks nice.

The Lows: The script is absolutely terrible. So is the acting, CGI, direction, writing, dialogue, and action.

The Verdict: What do you get when you put all the action movie heroines in a blender and mix them all up?

My rating: F, 33.

 


The Simpsons are hoping that I give their upcoming movie next year an A rating. We'll see. Posted by Picasa

Tuesday, May 23, 2006 


Scary Movie 4: Crazy Tom on Oprah again Posted by Picasa

 


Scary Movie 4: Speaking Japanese with Catboy from The Grudge Posted by Picasa

 

Scary Movie 4

If you like jokes, this movie keeps throwing them at you nonstop! Of course, some high brow critics may scorn it as being lewd and low class, but you can't help but laugh.

Just like in 3, this movie lampoons several contemporary movies and pop culture icons. I think it's a good sign when Hollywood can still keep its sense of humor. They need to be able to laugh at themselves and not take themselves too seriously.

As you guys may know, all my reviews contain spoilers.

In the introductory scene, Shaq and Dr. Phil are trapped in the nasty bathroom from Saw and Saw II. Jigsaw says that they are there because they like to play games with people. Now, Shaq has to shoot free throws to save their lives, but he kept missing. Dr. Phil starts throwing a tantrum, because Shaq kept missing them. Dr. Phil begins crying in frustration and later reveals that he's not even a real psychologist, but he's actually an electrician. Dr. Phil then starts cutting off his foot to escape, but after he finishes sawing it off, he finds out it's the wrong foot. I like the fact that these celebrities can make fun of themselves. It's admirable that people can laugh at their own self-depracating humor instead of getting angry with people who criticize them.

The movie also heavily spoofs on the plots of The War of the Worlds, The Grudge, and The Village.

In the Grudge parody, Charlie Sheen plays the professor who commits suicide. He gets out of bed one morning, and there are triplets who get out of bed with him. He tries to kill himself by swallowing a bottle of pills, but it turns out to be a bottle of Viagra. His dick becomes enormous. A cat sinks its claws into his giant shaft and he tries to shake the cat off. Then, he jumps off the building, but his penis still remains firm after it broke the ground below.

There was also a Brokeback Mountain joke, with two black gay cowboys.

This movie was a gagfest galore.

They did a good job with the set designs. The environments in the movie looked exactly like the original movies they tried to spoof.

In the Million Dollar Baby parody, Anna Faris plays a boxer who goes up against a Mike Tyson lookalike. When she starts falling to the mat, everybody starts falling and breaking their necks too in slow motion.

They also made fun of Tyson's ear-biting fiasco as he chewed off everyone's ears and then threw them into a big pile of ears.

In the War of the Worlds scene, giant Apple iPods (a spoof of the alien tripods) started destroying the planet.

The movie's main theme was about aliens vs. ghosts again like in 3.

In The Grudge sequence, Anna Faris talks with Catboy in Japanese. Well, not really. All they do is start naming Japanese electronics, automobile makes, and sushi. "Mitsubishi, Honda, Toyota, Fujitsu, sashimi, hibatchi." The English translations of what they're talking about are in the subtitles. It's typical crude humor you might hear among white-trash rednecks when talking about orientals.

The Scary Movie series aren't about being politically correct. They poke fun at everything, but they do it with such light-heartedness, even those they offend will probably laugh it off.

The comedy is similar to the satire in The Simpsons and Mad Magazine. It's easy to criticize this type of film, but there's a ton of wit in here that many critics fail to appreciate. This will never win an Oscar, but if you want to laugh and if you love movies, then, this will definitely tickle your funny bone.

They did a good job of tying in all the plots from their source material to come up with a creative ending.

The Highs: Tons of great parodies. Funny for those who have a great sense of humor. Fast paced. A lot of effort went in to recreating the scenes of the movies they're making fun of. The slapstick comedy is well timed.

The Lows: Lots of low-brow adolescent toilet humor. Hit and miss jokes. Seeing Leslie Neilson's naked wrinkled ass.

The Verdict: May the Farce be with You.

My rating: B, 84.

Monday, May 22, 2006 


The happy newlyweds, Albert and Jessica Siu. Posted by Picasa

 


Mr. and Mrs. Albert Siu, Esq. Mrs. Albert Siu was formerly known as Jessica Zhang. Posted by Picasa

 


On Sunday, May 21, 2006, Sarah and I went to Albert Siu, Esq.'s wedding. It was at the Hilton Hotel in Universal City. It was a lovely outdoor wedding. It drizzled slightly, but fortunately, it didn't rain. At the reception, we were served a 9-course traditional Shanghai-style Chinese dinner. We ate for about 2 hours. It was good, 'cuz I'm just used to eating Orange Chicken at Panda Express. They interspersed different wedding activities like the toasts, flower and garter toss, and a win the centerpiece game, in between the courses. This was a good way to get people to stay throughout the whole evening. We should have done that at our wedding, because a lot of people just took off after eating and didn't stay for our other activities like the dance we had planned. Posted by Picasa

Thursday, May 18, 2006 

Bike to Work Day

This week, May 15-May 19, 2006 is Bike to Work Week in Los Angeles and in many other cities in California.

Today is officially Bike to Work Day, and I proudly participated in it. I have been biking to work for awhile now.

When I arrived at one of the pit stops in LA, the YMCA in Downtown, at 7:00 AM, I was the first one there. I didn't see anyone else there except for one lady who was setting up the registration tables. I thought to myself, "Man, am I the only one biking to work today?"

I'm not sure how many people know about this event. I don't think it was well publicized. I don't think anyone besides people who already bike or take alternative means of transportation knew about it. I don't think anyone who doesn't already bike to work participated in it. There were no new people who started cycling on Bike to Work Day. I think this is an important event to get people to start biking, but nobody really started biking because of this event. This is sad.

I'm sure there were other people who came in after me and there must have been other people at the other pit stops, but I just don't think there were any big numbers and hardly any new bike commuters. During my 10 mile ride to work, I didn't see any cyclists at all.

At the pit stop, I got a bag full of goodies like a bike patch kit, cliff bars, gum, water bottles, a bike map of L.A., and other stuff. Before today, I was totally excited by this event, but I was kinda bummed out that no one else was there. They said I could use the YMCA showers for free today. I thought it was going to be great. This particular Y looked pretty modern and clean. I thought I would have my own shower stall, but they were public showers. No stalls! Yuck! I saw all these old guys walking around naked with their tiny little weiners hanging out. I was not going to take a shower naked in front of all these strangers. So, I just washed my face, neck, and arms at the sink. I am just not comfortable with public nudity. I need to have a lot of alcohol in my body in order to do that.

When will people actually start bicycling to work? What will it take? Gas prices to go up as high as Europe's? Gas prices in Europe average $9 per gallon now. There are tons of cyclists there. Look at China, billions of people bike there.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining about our freedom to drive anywhere we want in America due to relatively low gas prices. I love driving and am obsessed with cars. I drive a lot. I put 50,000 miles a year on my last Mustang driving to work at my old law firm.

What I'm saying is that people who can bike to work should bike to work. I know that old song "Nobody Walks in L.A." by the 80's band Missing Persons is true. People in L.A. drive their cars a couple blocks to get lunch instead of walking.

People still seem to have that mentality that only a nobody walks in L.A.

I think biking is fantastic! I live only about ten miles from work which takes me about 35-40 minutes. That's the same time it would take me driving to work during rush hour. Sometimes, it takes longer driving home! I'd rather be using pedal power and get great exercise than be stuck in traffic getting stressed out and elevating my blood pressure.

The benefits of biking are:

1. Great exercise
2. Fun
3. Fulfills my need for speed without getting speeding tickets
4. Saves money on gas
5. Saves wear and tear on car
6. Get a nice tan
7. Feel better about yourself
8. Helps save the environment
9. Saves on parking fees
10. Helps reduce traffic
11. No traffic for cyclists
12. You can speed by cars stuck in heavy traffic on congested streets and feel great as you pass them
13. Save money on gym memberships
14. Improves your sense of balance and coordination
15. Feel tougher
16. You can site-see more and notice interesting things and places around your neighborhood
17. Appreciate nature more
18. Feel happier
19. Sweating is sexy
20. May increase virility due to increased blood flow in key areas
21. Become more physically attractive to the opposite sex as you become more fit and athletic
22. Gain more energy throughout the day
23. You become nicer to other people because you feel better
24. Since you're nicer to other people, other people become nicer too
25. The world then becomes a better place for all of us to live in

If you participated in Bike to Work Day, let me know. Or let me know whether you like to bike. Or if you have anything you would like to comment on, please feel free to leave a comment. I really appreciate getting those.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006 

Scary Movie 3



This movie is all about ridiculous slap stick satire of other contemporary movies and pop culture. It's not bad if you like parodies, and I happen to like them. It's not an intellectual movie at all, unless you think satire is a witty form of humor, which I do. It's crass and filled with adolescent potty jokes, but dirty jokes are the funniest jokes, right? This movie is all about stupid silly fun. It appeals to the lowest common denominator. Since I'm not pretentious as other movie critics, it suits me just fine.

The movie starts off with Pamela Anderson and Jenny McCarthy having a slumber party. Pamela Anderson's giant fake silicone-laden boobs protrude profusely throughout the introductory scene. At least, she has a good enough sense of humor to make fun of herself. When Pamela asks Jenny if she's watched a weird videotape, Jenny McCarthy inquires whether she's talking about the videotape of a guy with a big johnson and a girl on a boat doing it together. Pamela says no, not that one. She tells her about a videotape with disturbing images and after you watch it, seven days later, the phone rings and you get killed.

The Ring and Ring 2 are one of the main movies spoofed in this film.

If you watch a lot of movies and like parodies, then this movie is funny. It's stupidly funny, but nevertheless it entertains. It's better than recent Saturday Night Live skits by far. SNL stopped being funny a long time ago. Those skits drag on and on.

If you don't watch a lot of movies, then you won't get a lot of the jokes, so you'll hate it.

Some of the other movies that are heavily lampooned are Signs, 8 Mile, Sixth Sense, and Matrix Reloaded.

There's a lot of physical comedy violence against the little boy in the movie. He constantly gets hit by a car, gets beat up accidentally with wooden sticks, and gets hit by a ceiling fan. The split second before he gets hit with the ceiling fan as he is being lifted up by Simon Rex playing George was the freakiest. I thought his head was going to be decapitated.

As another farce about the recent ongoing Catholic priest molestations, a Catholic priest shows up as a babysitter who is very happy to see the little boy. The priest brings in candles and wine, insinuating a molestation moment.


8 Mile

George (Simon Rex) spoofs Eminem in 8 Mile.

Simon Rex: I have a dream.
Charlie Sheen: What's your dream?
Simon Rex: To have a dream.

Then, he enters a rap battle with Fat Joe.

Simon's Rap: Now everybody in the 202, throw your hands in the air 'cause Fat Joe is through / Now everybody in the 202, throw 'em up! Check it out / I'm a white boy, but my neck is red / I put Miracle Whip on my Wonder Bread / My face is pale, nah, I've never been in jail / Me and Buffy spend every winter at Vail / How many bitches have I slapped? Zero. Unh! / And Martha Stewart happens to be my hero / I grew up on a farm and I was born with no rhythm / Dr. Phil's my uncle and I like to hang with him / I can't dance / I wear khaki pants / My middle name's Lance / My Grandma's from France / So maybe I'm wack / 'Cause my skin ain't black / But you can't talk smack / 'Cause whitey just struck back

After his rap battle, he puts on his hooded jacket. Only this time, his hood happens to look very pointy like a Ku Klux Klan hood. This does not impress the whitey-hatin' black gangstas.

The Hours

In a parody of The Hours, Charlie Sheen beats up Michael Jackson as he takes off the white sheet he is under. Michael's nose comes off and they find that someone was really just wearing a Michael Jackson costume. They suspect it's the aliens that are trying to invade the planet.

Leslie Nielson plays the President of the United States. There's a lot of insensitive low class crass jokes such as beating up handicapped children and blowing up a poster of Mother Theresa, but the whole light-heartedness of the movie let's it escape without receiving too much public outcry. President Leslie Nielson wonders during this time of crisis, what President Ford would do. He stands next to a framed picture of Harrison Ford, perhaps, insinuating that Harrison Ford should run for President in the future or a parody of Ford playing POTUS in the movie Air Force One.

Simon Cowell from American Idol also appears in the 8 Mile scene when he complains about how bad their rapping was. He then gets blown away by hundreds of gunshots to the chest. At least, Simon Cowell has the ability to laugh at himself. He knows the public loves to hate him and embraces that sentiment. Being America's most hated snootiest Briton has made him into a multi-millionaire.

After watching a trailer, you'll know whether this movie is for you or not. I like David Zucker's Airplane! That's a classic. The first Naked Gun was good too.

The Highs: Hilarious parodies of recent movies. An endless stream of fast-paced gags, one-liners, and non-sequitur situations. Tons of poop jokes.

The Lows: Terrible acting (perhaps, intentional?). Tons of poop jokes. Offensive. Insensitive. Sometimes, you have to sit through a lot of stupid immature garbage before hitting the funny stuff.

The Verdict: So stupid it's Scary!

My Rating: B, 82.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006 


A shot of the Westin Bonaventure Hotel from my office window. Posted by Picasa

 


The Westin Bonaventure Hotel in Downtown Los Angeles. Posted by Picasa

 


On another elevator. Posted by Picasa

 


Looking down from the 32nd floor. Posted by Picasa

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  • From L.A., California, United States
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