Team America: World Police

Thunderbirds meet South Park.

At first, this movie looks like it's about the marionettes from the old tv movies, the Thunderbirds, I used to watch as a kid. Then, they start talking and cursing like the kids from South Park.

I love parodies and these guys made fun of everyone.

Team America is a small group of freedom fighters that police the world and fight terrorism. They go around blowing up terrorists, while blowing up buildings and other innocent people at the same time. It's a good spoof of the U.S.'s philosophy towards the world.

One of their team members is killed by a terrorist. The team leader, Spottswoode, goes to find a replacement by finding a really good actor, Gary Johnston, that's starring in the hit Broadway musical, "Lease".

Gary is reluctant to follow Spottswoode at first.


Gary: Oh, I get it. I'm supposed to get in your car and let you put your finger inside me. Then if I go down on you I get a movie part.

Spottswoode: Please, Gary, I'm not from Hollywood. I'm not going to fuck your mouth and my time is extremely valuable.

Gary (inside the flying Lamborghini Diablo limo): Jesus, this is a nice limo.

Spottswoode: Yes, it is. Now suck my cock.


Gary asks him why he wants an actor to join Team America, and Spottswoode responds that spying is just merely acting.


Gary falls in love with Lisa.


Lisa: Promise me you'll never die.

Gary: You know that I can't promise that.

Lisa: If you did that, I would make love to you right now.

Gary: I promise I will never die.

The next scene shows the infamous puppet sex scene.


Then, their supercomputer, I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E., which sometimes gives bad intelligence, notifies them of terrorist activity.

Spottswoode: From what I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.N.C.E has gathered, it would be 9/11 times 100.

Gary: 9/11 times a hundred? Jesus, that's...

Spottswoode: Yes, 91,100.

Chris: Basically, all the worst parts of the bible.


The team finds out that the North Korean commie dictator, Kim Jong Il is behind the terrorism. But, during one of his stirring solo song, we discover that he is just misunderstood and terribly "ronery" all by himself.

This movie has a lot of extremely crude humor and most of it is pretty offensive, but I was laughing my ass off.

They poke fun at Hollywood actors and the Film Actors Guild (F.A.G.).

In one scene Gary gets drunk at a bar and pukes nonstop for a long time. That's exactly what I looked liked after I got drunk at my last office party.

One drunk guy at the bar tells Gary his philosophy about how the world goes around:

"See, there's three kinds of people: dicks, pussies, and assholes. Pussies think everyone can get along, and dicks just want to fuck all the time without thinking it through. But then you got your assholes, Chuck. And all the assholes want is to shit all over everything! So, pussies may get mad at dicks once in a while, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes, Chuck. And if they didn't fuck the assholes, you know what you'd get? You'd get your dick and your pussy all covered in shit!"

Apparently, Gary remembers this profound diatribe even after he passes out in a pool of his own vomit. After all the F.A.G. actors and the world leaders meet in Kim Jong Il's palace for a supposed peace conference, Gary gives a speech in front of everyone about why Team America needs to stop Kim Jong Il:

"We're dicks! We're reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks. And the Film Actors Guild are pussies. And Kim Jong Il is an asshole. Pussies don't like dicks, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes: assholes that just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can fuck an asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is: they fuck too much or fuck when it isn't appropriate - and it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes, pussies can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves... because pussies are an inch and half away from ass holes. I don't know much about this crazy, crazy world, but I do know this: If you don't let us fuck this asshole, we're going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit!"


The Highs: Extremely crass, and funny, jokes.

The Lows: May be offensive to many.

The Verdict: A South Park parody of politics and Hollywood, "Thunderbirds Are Go!" style.

My rating: B, 88.