Some churchy jokes

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to hermother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is thecolor of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life." Thechildthought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the groom wearingblack?"

---------------------------------------------------A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as shecould, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed,"Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let mebelate!"While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell,getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushedherselfoff, and started running again. As she ran she once again began to pray,"Dear Lord, please don't let me be late... But please don't shove meeither!"


-------------------------------------------------A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on andon. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if wegive him the money now, will he let us go?"

-----------------------------------------------An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requestedno male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorialservice she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don'twantthem to take me out when I'm dead.

----------------------------------------------A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if youhad to arrest your own mother?" He said, "Call for backup."

---------------------------------------------A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissedthem to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"Anniereplied, "Because people are sleeping."

----------------------------------------------Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesuswith them to Jerusalem. A small child replied "They couldn't get a babysitter."

------------------------------------------------A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with herfive and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thyfather and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teachesushowto treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one littleboyanswered, "Thou shall not kill."

-----------------------------------------------At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything,including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when theytold himhow Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week hismothernoticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, "Johnny, what isthe matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I thinkI'mgoing to have a wife."

------------------------------------------------Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing strongpreachingon the devil. One said to the other, "What do you think about all thisSatanstuff?" The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turnedout.It's probably just your dad."

------------------------------------------------"How come you're late?" asked the bartender, as the blonde waitresswalked into the bar. "It was awful," she explained. "I was walking downElmstreet and there was a terrible accident. A man was thrown from his carandhewas lying in the middle of the street. His leg was broken, his skull wasfractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank God I took thatfirst-aid course." "What did you do?" asked the bartender. "I sat downandput myhead between my knees to keep from fainting.